Digging Deep

Moving Day...for the BLOG!

2011-08-11T05:00:00.002-04:00

As I mentioned in an earlier blog post, change is coming for Digging Deep and it has arrived. Today is the day.

Unlike most physical moves that require physical labor, moving the blog has required mental labor (which I have found is also necessary in the former kind of move).

After a few years of blogging, I decided it was time to own a domain.

Although I am keeping Digging Deep as the blog name, it's address has changed.

Come here to make the move with me today. Enjoy the new digs. I cannot wait for you to see them!

Once you get to the new home for Digging Deep, you'll want to sign up fresh for email updates, RSS feeds, and/or becoming a follower.

Thank you for following along here.

I look forward to seeing you there!

Love,
Amy

First Days

2011-08-08T10:13:00.002-04:00

A most important day in the lives of so many of you is today. It almost slipped by me due to the season of life the Ward family is in. Yet, I knew it was coming because as happens so often, I began to have the yearly craving for office and school supplies.

Yes, in our community, today is the first day of school for another year.

Most of you took those beloved first day pictures with your children sporting their new clothes and backpacks. A return to bed times began last night and maybe even earlier in the week as you began to acclimate the children and yourself back into the early to bed, early to rise mode.

Some of you reading this are experiencing the first day of school for the first time as a parent and right now you are either sobbing over how quickly the time has come for this day or you are celebrating at Panera with friends over steaming cups of lattes and toasted bagels.

I was in the category of sobber and slobber; my sobs were the heaving kind. Robert's 4K teacher, Mrs. Sparks, came out of the classroom to console me. He was fine. I was sad. I needed a box of tissues. David and I went to Dunkin' Donuts to get a cup to go and drove around listening to Dr. Dobson's broadcast that morning and sobbed some more as other mothers called in to the show and sobbed about their own first day of school experiences.

I gradually got past first day sadness and came to appreciate the value of a good education in my children's lives for their mental growth and my time to get things done at home. Call me selfish.

It was their first days of school that toughened me up to see them drive out of the driveway solo at 16, to have the ability to pull out of the college dorm parking lot, and most recently, to watch the first son drive away with his new bride after their wedding. Tears came in all these cases, but they were tears of "I can't believe this time has come already". They were tears of reflecting on God's blessings to me as a mom raising these two boys. They were/are good tears.

So, if you are in the slobber-sobber category, enjoy those tears! They are cathartic. Have yourself a good cry as you count God's blessings in your babies. If you are rejoicing at Panera with friends, enjoy the laughter and reflections through stories of how you all spent your summer and remember to have patience with the criers in your midst.

Oh yeah, and don't forget to get that prime spot in the carpool line!

Room for Improvement

2011-07-14T12:54:00.000-04:00

To all you readers:

Have you ever had a time in your life where you are just overwhelmed with questions? Questions like:

How much longer?
What next?
What am I supposed to do? When?
Where are You leading me?
What is going on?
For real?
Huh?

You are not alone.

For much of the past year and a half, I think I have been walking around with a huge neon question mark over my head. Fortunately, my hair has been short enough (and sometimes nonexistent) to not get in the way of the sign that said, "This girl's confused."

Well, I think that maybe I'm beginning to get some answers to some of the questions.
Much like the Brady Bunch episode where Peter sang the solo of the children's song, "Time to Change," I have come to realize that it's time for me to do some change with this blog. Other words in that song are about rearranging, and that's my intent as well.

It's time to change and it's time to rearrange. Here are some of the reasons why:

time apart from consistent blogging has made me miss writing even when I had nothing to write/say
I like living in an organized way and blogger is now making it possible for me to put up pages as category-type tabs (YEA!)
one of the reasons for beginning this blog was to encourage women to live out the Word in their daily lives and I hoped to be a type of Titus 2 encourager to readers (see Titus 2:3-5). I still feel called in that direction to all Christian women whether they are married or single
I am in the midst a refining season in my life as the nest empties and new adventures cross our family path; I believe God is allowing all of this to be useful for my own personal growth and that it all could be useful in encouraging others who may be experiencing similar situations
Finally, my sister suggested I consider doing something like this. She's older than I am and I was raised to respect her advice. (Smile).

So, stay tuned. You'll begin to see tabs pop up with specific categories that you can click on based on what your subject preference is.

Just out of curiosity, what type of categories would you be interested in? Did you notice that question mark?

Hug yourself!

Hard Times Come. Dance.

2011-07-11T17:26:00.001-04:00

Dear Sigourney,

I'm back from vacation. Sigh. You know I love time away to rest, shop, read, try new recipes, and visit with your Aunt Louann. We got your sweet note you left for us as we had our annual Sister Retreat.

We missed last year's retreat due to my chemo schedule and my lack of confidence in going solo driving that distance. I was too tired to attempt it. It was a hard time.

In looking back through some of the pictures of your wedding rehearsal, my favorite is of you and Robert dancing down the aisle during your recessional. What a happy evening that was as it marked the days of preparation coming to an end and the beginning of your life together. We were all so excited for you two!

Your big day has come and gone. You've been married more than a month; it's been almost two months now. You two have already had your share of some hard times.

Between some health stuff for you and last week's robbery of your apartment, you have gone through some things that many veteran married couples never face. Yet, here you two are facing it together.

A few months ago, Robert shared a song with me and I made sure it was on the iPod for the rehearsal dinner music. It's Andrew Peterson's "Dancing in the Minefields". I know it spoke to Robert about how his dad and I have managed through some crises this past year; first the cancer, then Rob's job loss. It made me cry at the kitchen counter when I heard it. Sometimes, the heaviness of what we've been through hits me later when things are better.

Well, now I give back this song to you and Robert. Just as you danced on that happy eve, hold your head up and your hand in Robert's as you go dancing through your own minefields...together.

I love you,
Amy

It's Not Easy

2011-06-16T11:39:00.000-04:00

Dear Sigourney,

Marriage is not easy.

It takes
God in the center,
prayer,
love,
prayer,
work,
prayer,
commitment,
prayer,
unity,
prayer,
harmony,
prayer,
tears,
prayer,
laughter,
prayer,
time together,
prayer,
time apart,
prayer,
communication,
prayer,
protection from invasion,
prayer,
wise use of time,
prayer,
wise use of money,
prayer,
friends,
prayer,
family,
prayer,
church,
prayer,
working,
prayer,
resting,
prayer,
laziness,
prayer,
hard work,
prayer,
sharing the load,
prayer,
carrying the load,
prayer,
cooking,
prayer,
cleaning,
prayer,
laundry,
prayer,
creativity,
prayer,
resourcefulness,
prayer,
sickness,
prayer,
health,
prayer,
poverty,
prayer,
wealth,
prayer,
drawing aside,
prayer,
surrounding with others,
prayer,
sunscreen,
prayer,
trash days,
prayer,
monotany,
prayer,
spontaneity,
prayer,
Jesus at your dinner table,
prayer,
toilet paper,
prayer,
light bulbs,
prayer,
coupons,
prayer,

sticky notes,

prayer,
bugs,
prayer,
fly swatters,
prayer,
shoes,
prayer,
recipes,
prayer,
compliments,
prayer,
honesty,
prayer,
faithfulness,
prayer,
biting your tongue,
prayer,
encouragement,
prayer,
hope,
prayer,
two,
prayer,
love notes,
prayer,
flowers,
prayer,
back scratches,
prayer,
intimacy,
prayer,
your own language,
prayer,
understanding each other's look,
prayer,
knowing each other's thoughts,
prayer,
knowing the next word he'll utter,
prayer,
date night,
prayer,
picnic in the park,
prayer,
walking together,
prayer,
grocery lists,
prayer,
menues,
prayer,
saving up for gifts,
prayer,
silliness,
prayer,
seriousness,
prayer,
wrong words to songs,
prayer,
writing songs together,
prayer,
reading the same book,
prayer,
reading different books,
prayer,
writing your story,
prayer,
home,
prayer,

and then prayer.

Love,
Amy

He Will Go Out on a Limb for You

2011-06-13T06:02:00.003-04:00

Dear Sigourney,

As I type this on Sunday, your father-in-law is outside on a ladder with a small gas-powered saw cutting limbs from one of our favorite trees. Its branches have bent too far to the right and we think the tree is in trouble because of it. So, he's going to top it out and we will hope it thrives.

I contacted a professional who gave me advice. I passed the advice on to Rob. He is now taking the advice to heart and matters into his own hands.

The combination of all the parts of this latest adventure in the yard make me a bit nervous. So, I decided to take a picture of him as he's about his work. I did get his permission. He did ask me to hold the ladder for him after I took the picture. At that point, a necessary part of the equipment came off and we could not find the part that holds the blade in place. He has ventured to our nearest home improvement store to secure a replacement part, and I'm quickly typing this during his absence.

He's already back and I will be going out to hold that ladder for him as if I could keep him from falling off, but I will feel better supporting him in his endeavor out on a limb.

This has caused me to think of the times Rob has been willing to go out on a limb in other ways for me: to defend me, support me, encourage me, and say sweet things about me when I was right by his side or nowhere nearby depending upon the situation.

There have also been times when he went out on a limb to have a heart-to-heart talk with me when he probably would have preferred to just not address a sin issue that was rearing its ugly head in me. He could have ignored it, but I needed the correction or advice.

He has been on a limb to apologize to me.

He was willing to go out on a limb and ask me to marry him and he promised to walk with me through the rest of my life not knowing what the future held, and we have had some difficult "future" that is now in the blessed past. : )

So, that brings me back to you and Robert. He's gone out on a limb to love you in sickness, health, poverty, and wealth for the rest of your life.

Somewhere along the way, he'll go out on a limb again and risk his pride or yours for your betterment as the two of you. I know you'll be standing there supporting him on that ladder.

I love you,
Amy

P.S. - Those bending limbs have now been trimmed and we survived.

Be His Best Friend

2011-06-09T09:13:00.001-04:00

Dear Sigourney,

Rather than write a post about this, I will share with you a link to Michael Hyatt's post today regarding being the best friend of your husband. I agree with what he has to say and am excited to incorporate what he writes in my own relationship with Rob.

Click here to read what he has written.

Love,
Amy

The Lettermen Were Wrong

2011-06-08T10:06:00.000-04:00

Dear Sigourney,

Wouldn't you know that after I posted yesterday about avoiding "Clyde" and "Earl", I succumbed and hurled a whopper to your paw-in-law last night? Ugh.

Back in 1971, The Lettermen sang a song called, "Love Means (You Never Have to Say You're Sorry)". Well, it's not true. I had to say it last night after I made the snide remark to my own husband that he has an aversion to replacing the toilet paper on the roll holder in our bathroom. It wasn't a quick spontaneous hurl, but a premeditated one. I worked it into our pleasant after dinner conversation on my way out of the room. Rude! Poor guy.

Somehow, I believe in the garden (as in The Garden of Eden), "I'm sorry" has gotten choked by the weeds of pride and become a horribly difficult thing to say to one whom we have offended. In marriage, on numerous occasions, you two will have opportunities to speak those words to each other. Will you? Will they be sincere?

Early in our marriage, I offended Rob. I know that may come as a surprise to you, but having opened today's letter with the confession of last night's rude utterance, you now know I am capable of speaking harsh words. Sigh.

Anyway, Rob told me I owed him an apology. Well, that hurt. It was true, but it hurt my pride nonetheless.

So, I mustered up my courage and had almost swallowed my pride and said, "I'm sorry (downcast look, Eeyore voice).............(quick look up as I continued in Tigger fashion) YOU don't understand what I was saying." No, I'm not kidding. I really said something as immature and selfish as that.

That is a lesson in how NOT to apologize.

I should have said sincerely, "I'm sorry. I should not have been rude to you in my words. Will you forgive me?"

I'm sure he would have responded, "Why yes, wife of my youth, beloved soulmate, keeper of our home! I forgive you! I was a fool to be offended by your words of honesty toward me. Nay, can YOU forgive ME!?" Then, he would swing me up onto the saddle as we go galloping off into the ocean along the beach of Carmel.

Oops, sorry, I was imagining a Harlequin romance novel.

I think you get my point even in all my nervous silliness over this touchy subject.

When we offend our husbands (and anyone else), we should seek their forgiveness in a sincere way because that is what Jesus teaches us to do. He's our ultimate example in the how-to.

Love,
Amy

Avoid "Clyde" and "Earl"

2011-06-07T10:37:00.000-04:00

This is just a stock photo. : )

Dear Sigourney,

The winter of 1973 here in Columbus, GA was a memorable one. I was in third grade. We had a record snowstorm and its effects lingered for more than just that day. The sweet memories still live on. School was cancelled and life was grand as Steve, Louann, and I built snow forts and hid behind them throwing snowballs at one another. We would hide and hurl. We kept Mother busy as we would come in from the cold and she would toss our wet clothes in the dryer, prepare hot chocolate, and get us warmed up to venture out again for more hiding and hurling snowballs.

Fast forward some years and picture me as a young bride, BC (before children). Rob and I were blessed to attend a marriage conference that Dennis and Barbara Rainey led. (They still do those weekends to remember. Click on their names to learn more if you're interested). We came away with much good instruction and encouragement that I believe has been a foundational blessing in our marriage.

One of those excellent topics they walked the group through was that of constructive arguing and the importance of not dredging up your spouse's past mistakes and throwing them back in his face as a weapon of mass destruction. They called this tactic "hiding and hurling".

Much like my memory of those fun snowball fights where we would prepare and stockpile our snowballs, hiding them from each other in order to hurl them at the proper time to "take them out" of the game, such is the case of hiding a stockpile of those things he has done or said in the past that you find a sure weapon to hurl back at him during an argument.

It could go down something like this. "Remember when YOU said __________ to me? Well, I do and you are so mean and....so on!" Or, "I remember when you did __________. That was the stupidest thing you have ever done!"

Hide it. Hurl it. Down the target goes.

I know this works. I've been on both ends of the battle.

Now, you know Rob and I have a crazy sense of humor. Shortly after we attended this marriage conference, one of us (probably me) forgot this topic we had just finished learning about and discussing together and out came the ammo in the midst of a more serious discussion (aka. argument) between the two of us. We stopped, looked at each other, and chuckled as we realized what we were doing. Hiding and hurling.

Amidst the chuckles we somehow came up with the phrase for hide and hurl we now refer to as "Clyde and Earl". Sometimes, when we sense a tense moment of opportunity for "Clyde" or "Earl" to show up and fling their verbal snowballs at the other, we break the ice and remind ourselves that "Clyde" and "Earl" need not be flinging the dirt, snow, or nasty comment at the other and we move on.

So, now you know the story of "Clyde" and "Earl". Avoid them.

I love you,
Amy

Contrary to TV Commercials Your Guy is not a Dweeb

2011-06-03T06:00:00.002-04:00

The next few posts are letters of encouragement from me to Sigourney, my daughter-in-love and newest member of our family as of May 21.

Dear Sigourney,

You're a new bride. I'm not. But, I am still learning. Your marriage to Robert a few days ago has caused me to reflect on my time as a wife and refresh my own marriage vows to your father-in-law. So, my purpose in writing to you is not to tell you how to do anything "right", but to offer some tidbits of encouragement and probably reminders of things you already know or have thought of as you've prepared for marriage.

Today's note is about how the world portrays men these days, especially on tv sitcoms and tv commercials. They are often presented as ignorant, unkempt, unaware, mute, uncaring, and unconcerned. The women usually alongside the men in these examples are portrayed as put together, of superior intelligence, handy, capable of ruling a dolt of a man, and frankly rude to her husband (if they're even married). Respect is lacking.

We're bombarded by messages such as these throughout any given day.

Sometimes, it can be easy to see this as the way life is in the world of men and women, husbands and wives. Don't go for that. Aim high in your thoughts and your mouth and actions will follow.

Aim as high as what God says about you in relationship to your husband and you'll be counter to the culture that would like to persuade you to demean your husband, mock him, and embarrass him no matter what when you are with others or by yourselves.

You already respect Robert. I've seen that for seven years while you were dating. Keep up the good work.

I love you,
Amy

There is Life After a Wedding

2011-06-02T09:08:00.001-04:00

Just when you thought I had given up on writing, here I am! (I say this to Peggy especially).

Our son Robert and his fiancee Sigourney married May 21! It was such a sweet day and I have never been happier for two people other than Rob and me when we got married. One of these days, I hope to post a picture from their wedding, but until they see photos from their photographer, I dare not put one from their wedding. I wouldn't want to spoil their thunder you know. So, today's photo is of the setup at their rehearsal dinner.

Days leading up to a wedding are a progression of activities that crescendo the big day. There are fun showers and all the details filled with errands galore that culminate into the biggest party of them all - the wedding and reception. Such was the case with Robert and Sigourney.

In talking with them after they arrived to their own home after their honeymoon, their memories of the wedding day are much like those of many of us who have been married. It's all a blur. It can be difficult to remember who was there because the couple's attention is all over the place. What seemed like an eternity before the big day is a sprinkling of moments once the vows are said, the first dance is danced, the cake is cut, and the grand exit for the honeymoon is made.

Then life as a married couple begins.

Life as parents of married children begins, too.

Life for me has been blessedly busy. I thought I had good energy a year ago as I progressed through chemo. But, based on my calendar and to-do list this year and my stamina to participate in and help with lots of stuff, I realize just how little energy I had then and I am thankful for God's timing in revealing the cancer and in healing me so I could be a happy participator in all of life right now.

In taking some time to reflect on precious moments and also to satisfy my need to write, I'm thinking that over the next weeks, I'll be writing things that a new bride might like to read. So, bear with me as I dedicate a few posts in the days to come to my daughter-in-law Sigourney as a means to encourage her and leave a legacy from one seasoned bride to one in the making.

In the Garden

2011-03-28T09:53:00.000-04:00

Last year my herb garden was never tended by me. I pulled a few weeds here and there, but stayed away most of the time. There was the issue with being more susceptible to infection while on chemo and dirt is to be avoided. There was the issue of being more susceptible to sunburn, and there was also the issue with being more sensitive to heat. Honestly, a year later, I realize that I was tired then even though I felt good.

This weekend, I was able to take a trip with Rob up to the plant sale at Callaway Gardens. We filled a small flat with a variety of basils, a French lavender plant, some chives, and pineapple sage. In the midst of a tornado warning, we loaded up the car and took a trip into Pine Mountain for some coffee and conversation after the storm passed. It was truly a sight to see people exiting the big circus tent for more solid structures. I was more concerned about our tender shoots being pelted by hail than I was our safety.

In between showers yesterday (which we so desperately needed to wash away the yellow dust from the pollen), I put the herbs in the freshly cleaned herb bed. The smell of fresh soil added to the old was invigorating. A gentle breeze was blowing as the sun hit my back while I dug small holes for the new plants I was adding amidst the old rosemary, oregano, lemon thyme, lemon balm, and a bay leaf bush. A couple of red Gerbera faces were cheering me on as they seemed to look in my direction.

At the right time in the middle of a breeze after handling the pineapple sage, the fragrance from said herb wafted my way and I was caught up in its aroma, so happy to have selected it to bring home.

Its scent was just enough to remind me that is what I am supposed to be, too...that pleasing aroma of Christ in the midst of this earth. I am supposed to take what He has given me and put it to use as He nudges me to bring Him glory.

Honestly, though, sometimes I end up with no fragrance that reflects Him and I give off nothing that would bring Him glory or worse, I deliberately "smell" a bit stinky in my actions, thoughts, and words. I am more like a reflection of the world than Him.

So, my question today is this. What kind of fragrance is emanating from us today? Will it be a pleasing aroma that reflects Christ to others?

Growing Up is Hard to Watch

2011-03-24T05:46:00.000-04:00

As I type this post (starting Tuesday afternoon), Robert is filling out an insurance form online. He's progressing towards independent living. Right now, I think he's appreciating the insurance policy he's had through his dad's benefits package all his life. Who knew filling out a form could be so tedious. Welcome to the world.

He just commented that it's hard being an adult. Yeah, I know. I'm still learning. (Smile.)

Forty-five miles away, David has had his first solo experience going to the university infirmary to see a doctor and get x-rays. He rolled his ankle playing basketball and has a sprain and some stretched ligaments. A visit from us and a trip to dinner and WalMart for essentials should comfort him. I'm thankful he's close by.

When I was their age, life seemed to move so slowly as I yearned for independence. College was a good adjustment period although I didn't really know what the life of being an adult was like until I sat through my first staff meeting as a young, newly married, first-year home ec teacher at Rothschild Middle School. All of a sudden, being a child with no responsibilities other than good manners, homework, and chores sounded really good.

Now, life moves at such a rapid pace. It's difficult to keep up with all the things to do that stretch me and my time from one end of the day to the other. Life is a blur most of the time these days.

(Now it's Wednesday afternoon as I continue this post. I told you I was busy.)

I watched a college girl eat her dinner with friends last night. She had no clue I was watching. She was poised while sipping her beverage through a straw and talking with her friends about internship possibilities. She was wearing a cute pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Ah, to be so carefree! The guys had on baseball caps and flip-flops. Their talk was clean and much hope filled their voices. Yet, while they talked and listened to one another in their casual clothes discuss matters of their upcoming lives where business casual would take over their closets, I could see them as little kindergarteners having their milk and cookies before nap time, playing a game of make-believe. I almost felt like I was their mom wanting them to enjoy their last bit of the easy life before all the real stuff would be part of their lives.

Then, too, I thought about the times I have taken for granted my todays, even now, waiting for a fresh new tomorrow to come.

Today, I saw a friend who has just had her first baby, a boy. He had fallen asleep in the car. She needed to go into the store to check on something and I couldn't resist the opportunity to "babysit" car-side while she went in. He was so tiny. He has so much to look forward to along with his parents who will be with him through all the fun times and long nights. They are in the throes of life changing from slow-paced to whirlwind.

I hope they enjoy each moment. One day, that young mom will be sitting next to her man-child while he fills out his first insurance forms he has to actually pay for and she'll be a bit sad over how the time has flown.

Up and Down

2011-03-22T05:00:00.001-04:00

The New Orleans saga continues. It occurred to me after rereading the post from yesterday that you might think that all we did was eat. It's true. Just kidding. Although I must tell you that coming away from such good food for a couple of days in a row is sad. I've been "good" with the food intake since returning home but I really enjoyed being served by excellent waitstaff and taking advantage of fabulous chefs. If only I were taller. Sigh.

I did figure, however, that for all the consuming of grand cuisine, our walks about town were burning up the calories. At least, I hope so.

That leads me to our first day there. Dressed and ready to go, we headed out of our hotel door, onto the elevator, down to the lobby floor where we exited the elevator.

We decided to cut through the lobby.

I was confident.

A year ago on that day, I was waiting for the green light to begin my chemotherapy. A lot can happen in a year.

Life couldn't be better as I was filled with thoughts of beignets and cafe au lait.

Favorite sunglasses in hand, I opened the door to the shiny lobby. It was shiny because it was freshly mopped.

Yep. A lot can happen in a split second, too. You got it. I took one step into the lobby and the next second my view was eye level with the floor and the ATM that was inches from my head. My sunglasses were in two pieces. Permanently. They weren't $5 either, of course.

Isn't it odd how when you fall it seems to be in slow motion? This time for me, was up one second and down the next. There was no slow motion.

So, that leads me to my point for the day.

Sometimes, we just move through life so smoothly. Then, all of a sudden, we are caught off guard and our feet are yanked out from under us as we go from up to down, upright to upside down. "BAM!" (Yes, we saw Emeril filming a segment in the middle of Bourbon Street and no, he didn't say that.) We can be left looking wide-eyed and shaking our heads wondering how life could have taken such a turn.

Some people experience life like this more often than not. Others move through life smoothly most of the time.

What we all have the opportunity to share in common is the source of our stability. Even when our worlds get shaken as the norm or not, we need a steadfast rock that doesn't change. We need a foundation that is unshakeable.

That's Jesus. He's the one that reaches down to help us back up. We have to reach out and take His hand. He helps us back up, cares for our hurts, and motivates us to take the next step in His direction.

So, if you are experiencing a down time in your life, my prayer is that you'll look up and reach out. Do you recognize Jesus nearby waiting to help you back up?

The Bride

2011-03-21T05:00:00.018-04:00

This isn't the one I saw. I wasn't that quick.

There is much going on in our family as the wedding of our oldest draws near. We have a nephew preparing to get married this summer, too. Wedding bells are ringing!

Last week Rob, David, and I headed for New Orleans for the latter part of David's spring break. He and I had never been so Rob led the way in planning our trip. We stopped off in Hattiesburg for me to take in a needlework shop called Shakespeare's Peddler after lunching at Brownstones. Once we arrived in the Big Easy we had a great time walking around the French Quarter, shopping, eating (beignets and cafe au lait at Cafe Du monde, coffee at PJ's, lunches at The Court of Two Sisters and Acme Oyster House, suppers at Bayona, GW Fins, and Bourbon House), touring the National WWII Museum, taking in the street artists (like Tanya and Dorise), and just doing some serious people watching which did not disappoint. Coming home we stopped in Mobile for lunch at Dew Drop Inn.

On one of our walking adventures in New Orleans, we were passing the side of The St. Louis Cathedral that bordered some stores. It was late in the afternoon, the weather was slightly warm, the sidewalks were littered, and the smell was that of a nearby garbage can. All of a sudden the grime and smell dissipated as my eyes beheld a beautiful sight.

A bride and her wedding party in their finery were standing in the midst of the city's stuff as they were waiting for all the festivities to begin.

There we were, minding our own touristy business when this unexpected sight caught us by surprise. It was pleasing to behold.

Mind you, I know nothing of this bride or her friends attending her. All I know is that she stood out in the gray grime from the rest of us going about our lives. What she was was obvious. Her clothing gave her away. Her radiance was a fresh surprise in the middle of the afternoon.

I couldn't help but think that that's how Jesus hopes His own appear to the rest of the world as they pass by us or as we pass by them; or better yet, as we live our lives doing what He'd have us do and going where He leads us. His radiance within us should be an attractive sight to others all along the way.

Weary travelers draw refreshment from us through our radiance. Or do they?
The world takes notice of us because of Who we represent. Or do they?
We move about as His bride, anticipating Him coming back for us. Or do we?

His bride in the midst of the world...are we recognizable?

It's Me!

2011-02-17T05:00:00.001-05:00

I knew I must update after receiving an email from Maude, who I met during chemo, and she wanted to make sure I was okay. So, after making contact with this dear treasure of a sister in Christ, she and I decided I needed to update you on the latest goings on in this family.

My mother had her second knee replaced a couple of weeks ago so I've been helping her and my dad as they have needs until she's back on her feet. Yesterday was her first "outing" since her surgery. She went to get her hair "done". That's what Southern women of her generation do each week. She's missed her appointment. Upon dropping her off at the beauty "shop", Daddy and I went to WalMart, the bank, and back to my house so he could visit with our dachshund, "Beans", and so I could whip up a little something for their dinner. Then, we returned to pick her up and what a transformation! Isn't it true how nothing makes us feel better on most days than a good head scrubbing and a good hair day?! What it does for a woman's morale! She looked great and my dad told her so.

Well, that's not all the news.

After Mother's surgery and return home, one of my assignments was to contact a doctor who had performed a biopsy on my mother the week before her surgery. Yes, her biopsy results have come back and my mother has breast cancer.

I know. I can't believe it. No, it's not the same kind as mine was. It's not the same size. Her prognosis is excellent. She won't need chemo either. There are many blessings in it already.

The irony in this is that the day I heard from the surgeon (who is the same doctor I used for my biopsy and surgery) was 365 days from when I found the mass in my own body. Her results came back February 1, 2011. I found my mass February 2, 2010.

Some things just don't make sense, do they? It would be so easy to be defeated with the year we've had. My cancer, Rob's job loss, and Mother's cancer...one of those alone would be enough to do me in. But, in the midst of all that was God's provision through the first two trials and I know that God will provide yet again as my mother faces her trial.

How do people manage tough times when they have no one to rely upon? I just would not know. I don't want to know that answer in a personal way because I have my answer. It's God, the One, and not just anyone. I could not have walked through this year without the confidence of knowing Him and His presence day in and day out. I could not have been so happy most of the time were it not for knowing what He says in His Word about facing trials. (James 1)

What about you? Where do you turn when life gets hard?

What's in YOUR Purse?

2011-01-25T12:56:00.000-05:00

I had the unfortunate opportunity of having to go through a friend's purse the other week. It was unfortunate because she had been injured and another friend and I needed to access her cell phone and her insurance card.

Before I continue, however, let me tell those of you that may not know this, but a woman's purse is precious to her, inside and out. We women spend time trying to find the right one. Some try to find the right one for the season. Others, like myself, prefer to find the right one for the outfit AND the season. Do I have a witness?

I do not understand the one purse for one season kind of women, but I admire them and am sometimes a bit envious of their ability to be content with what they have. I could learn that lesson from their example with their purse toting for a literal season or a year.

I cannot remember a time in my life when I have not liked, looked at, wanted, or shopped for a purse. I have never "needed" a purse, but don't tell Rob that. Shhhh. Going through my grandmother's and aunt's purses was a favorite activity when I was a little girl. Some people shop for bracelet charms or t-shirts when they travel to keep as a souvenir. Me? I would prefer to find a purse as my special memento although this does not happen for every trip. I feel the need to clarify that with you. And I like choosing the bag. I can be picky.

My closet is riddled with a variety of purses. Straw, linen, leather, expensive, and clearance rack at TJMaxx. You name it and I probably have one in any given color (red, lime green, pink, several black, grey, gold, denim, white, floral, patterned, and so on).

I hone in another's bag and have been known to covet it. I often want to look in them to see how they are organized. I marvel at women who carry tons with no injury to shoulders, back, or neck, and women who get by with much less.

My friend falls into the latter category and I am amazed.

In her time of need, I was given access to the innards of her purse. That is the true test of friendship. If someone grants you access to the inner sanctum of her purse, she is truly your friend. I know this is the case with her because I wasn't the only one standing near her when she needed help and permitted me access to her bag. Now, I'm bragging. Hush, Amy. She asked me to use her cell phone which was in her purse. I found her phone quickly. It was one of probably four things she had in her purse which was as light as a feather. As a matter of fact, it was so light that when I went to pick it up, I almost threw it into the air much like I have almost done when picking up a full plastic glass that looks like a glass glass. Whoosh! Splash! Oops, sorry...

Here I am in the moments of her need coveting how simple her purse belongings were. Why, they were exactly what she needed. Wallet (which was immaculately organized), phone, keys, and something else. I think. I mean, I'm still so amazed that she only had a few things in it, that I can't even accurately recall what they were. It's sad how stunned I was, huh?

I can, however, tell you the contents of my purse sitting on my desk across the room:

cosmetic bag with two lipsticks, Tylenol, make-up mirror
wallet with receipts hanging out (neat other than that), oh and I have a sheet of stamps in it
old grocery list
Ulta coupon for the week
calendar with pencil in it
car keys
house keys
notepad
pens
phone
two gum packs
lotion with hand sanitizer in it
hand sanitizer
reading glasses
sunglasses
iPod
baggy with vitamins in it

Somehow, all these things added together make for a load to tote around. I am supposed to carry my load on my other arm to prevent lymphedema in my carrying arm. It still proves to be a challenge. Learning to carry my parcel on the "wrong" arm is not going that great. So, I justify all the contents of my bag thinking that at some point today or this week or until the next time I switch purses, I will need the items in that purse while I am out and about. Sadly, by the way, the above contents are less than what I have been known to tote around town. I think I'm getting better, but I could still unload some junk.

So, my friend's purse has inspired me to lessen my load.

There is a whole other post about that concept isn't there?

So, although this post had no spiritual content in it, there is a spiritual lesson in it for us purse toters.

What do you need to unload in order to lessen your load today?

Flying Feathers on Highway 23

2011-01-21T17:22:00.000-05:00

While checking in with Facebook today, a friend had posted as her status the fact she had passed a chicken truck on the way home and had kind of lost her desire for chicken at least for a little while. It reminded me of a post I had written back in the summer about such an occurrence in my own life and decided it was time to pull it out of the archives. So, keep that summer heat of South Georgia in your mind when you read about the temperatures we were trying to escape. Here goes.

Last weekend, Rob and I evacuated the heat of this Southwest Georgia valley town to drive up to the cooler mountain temperatures. The suppressed blood counts from the memorable fatigue-filled Memorial Day weekend prior had postponed our penciled-in plans. I'm appreciating the value of the eraser on my tiny pencil in my Moleskine planner.

After enjoying lunch in Atlanta where they serve a LOVELY demitasse of homemade chicken broth, we hit the road again and made good time through good traffic onto Highway I-985/GA 23/441.

We passed a normal and frequent sight once we got back on the road; 18-wheelers loaded with empty chicken cages with feathers occasionally blowing back.

We arrived at our weekend spot, enjoyed cool temperatures, clean air, good rest, reading, fresh veggies from the local produce stand, and some Netflix dvds. Then, we had to return home.

On the return trip we passed 18-wheelers filled with white, plump, caged chickens. Cages were ten high, two wide, and maybe eight to ten deep (maybe more) down the length of the trucks. I'm not sure how many chickens were in each cage but I commented on the fact that I would prefer to not be on the bottom tier of all those since the cages are open-bottomed. Okay, if I'm really being honest, I'd rather not be a chicken on one of those trucks and eventually on someone's dinner table ever.

I'm too chicken to be a chicken.

I sound like I am not a fan of chicken farmers. That's not the case. I have just never given it much thought until Monday as I was finishing the last bite of my Chick-Fil-A spicy chicken sandwich and we happened to be passing one of those full trucks. Gulp.

I'm not sure if it was the sight of the truck with chickens on a one-way trip to some slaughter house in the chicken processing capital of the world (Gainesville, GA) or if the spices on my sandwich didn't agree with a more tender stomach these days. I won't order another of those sandwiches for a while.

Thanks to Carleen for the reminder of the unpublished post.

Honing the Gift

2011-01-18T12:34:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I put this statement in the post toward the end,

"Now, my challenge to you is this. If you have the spiritual gift of teaching and/or exhortation, are you honing the gift and using it in the body of Christ?"

A friend sent me the question, "What does it mean to 'hone' the gift of exhortation?"

Since I was typing out what I was thinking, I'll clarify what I meant by that statement. First, I need to make clear a few things.

Once a person becomes a believer in Christ Jesus, he/she is given spiritual gifting(s). There are two main categories: those speaking/teaching gifts and those for serving, such as healing and administration. There is much about spiritual gifts available to us to clarify what the Bible says about them. For the sake of time and space, I'll limit my information to you to the following:

a. Gifts of utterance
(i) *Apostle (Gk. apostolos, lit. ‘one sent forth’, envoy, missionary, 1 Cor. 12:28f.; cf. Eph. 4:11). The title of ‘apostle’ was originally given to the Twelve (Mt. 10:2; Lk. 6:13; Acts 1:25f.), but was later claimed by Paul (Rom. 1:1; 1 Cor. 9:1f., etc.), and applied in a less restricted sense to Barnabas (Acts 14:4, 14), Andronicus and Junias (or Junia) (Rom. 16:7), and possibly to Apollos (1 Cor. 4:6, 9), Silvanus and Timothy (1 Thes. 1:1; 2:6), and James the Lord’s brother (1 Cor. 15:7; Gal. 1:19). The special function of an apostle was, as its meaning suggests, to proclaim the gospel to the unbelieving world (Gal. 2:7–9).
(ii) *Prophecy (Gk. prophēteia, Rom. 12:6; 1 Cor. 12:10, 28f.; cf. Eph. 4:11). The chief function of the NT prophet was to convey divine revelations of temporary significance which proclaimed to the church what it had to know and do in special circumstances. His message was one of edification, exhortation (Gk. paraklēsiš) and consolation (1 Cor. 14:3; cf. Rom. 12:8), and included occasional authoritative declarations of God’s will in particular cases (Acts 13:1f.), and rare predictions of future events (Acts 11:28; 21:10f.). His ministry was primarily directed to the church (1 Cor. 14:4, 22). Some prophets were itinerant (Acts 11:27f.; 21:10), but there were probably several attached to every church (Acts 13:1), as at Corinth, and a few of them are named (Acts 11:28; 13:1; 15:32; 21:9f.).
The ability to ‘distinguish between spirits’ (Gk. diakriseis pneumatōn, 1 Cor. 12:10; cf. 14:29) was complementary to that of prophecy, and enabled the hearers to judge claims to prophetic inspiration (1 Cor. 14:29) by interpreting or evaluating prophetic utterances (1 Cor. 2:12–16), thus recognizing successfully those of divine origin (1 Thes. 5:20f.; 1 Jn. 4. 1–6), and distinguishing the genuine prophet from the false.
(iii) Teaching (Gk. didaskalia, Rom. 12:7; 1 Cor. 12:28f.; cf. Eph. 4:11). In contrast to the prophet, the teacher did not utter fresh revelations, but expounded and applied established Christian doctrine, and his ministry was probably confined to the local church (Acts 13:1; cf. Eph. 4:11). The ‘utterance of knowledge’ (Gk. logos gnōseōs, 1 Cor. 12:8), an inspired utterance containing or embodying knowledge, is related to teaching; but the ‘utterance of wisdom’ (Gk. logos sophias, 1 Cor. 12:8), expressing spiritual insight, may be related rather to the apostles and evangelists (cf. 1 Cor. 1:17–2:5, esp. 1:24–30), or to the prophets.
(iv) Kinds of tongues (Gk. genē glōssōn, 1 Cor. 12:10, 28ff.) and the interpretation of *tongues (Gk. hermēneia glōssōn, 1 Cor. 12:10, 30).

b. Gifts for practical service
(i) Gifts of power. 1. Faith (Gk. pistis, 1 Cor. 12:9) is not saving faith, but a higher measure of faith by which special, wonderful deeds are accomplished (Mt. 18:19f.; 1 Cor. 13:2; Heb. 11:33–40). 2. Gifts of healings (Gk. plural charismata iamatōn, 1 Cor. 12:9, 28, 30) are given to perform miracles of restoration to health (Acts 3:6; 5:15f.; 8:7; 19:12, etc.). 3. Working of miracles (Gk. energēmata dynameōn, 1 Cor. 12:10, 28f.), lit. ‘of powers’. This gift conferred the ability to perform other miracles of varied kinds (Mt. 11:20–23; Acts 9:36f.; 13:11; 20:9–12; Gal. 3:5; Heb. 6:5.
(ii) Gifts of sympathy. 1. Helpers (Gk. antilēmpseis, lit. ‘acts of helping’, 1 Cor. 12:28) denotes the aid given to the weak by the strong (see lxx of Pss. 22:19; 89:19; the verb occurs in Acts 20:35), and refers to special gifts to care for the sick and needy. It probably includes 2. the liberal almsgiver (Gk. ho metadidous, Rom. 12:8) and 3. the one who performs works of mercy (Gk. ho eleōn, Rom. 12:8). 4. The service (Gk. diakonia, Rom. 12:7; cf. Acts 6:1) of the deacon is doubtless in view (Phil. 1:1; 1 Tim. 3:1–13).
(iii) Gifts of administration. 1. Administrators (Gk. kybernēses, lit. ‘acts of guidance, giving directions’) enjoyed the gifts and authority to govern and direct the local church. 2. The ‘leader’ (Rom. 12:8, neb, Gk. ho prohistamenos) apparently shares the same gift (the Gk. word recurs in 1 Thes. 5:12; 1 Tim. 5:17), unless the term is to be translated (with rsv, Rom. 12:8), ‘he who gives aid’, in which case a gift of sympathy is indicated.
Some gifts, such as those of apostleship, prophecy and teaching, were exercised in regular ministry; other gifts like tongues and healing were manifested occasionally. In some instances the gifts appear to involve a release or enhancement of natural ability, for example, the gifts of teaching, helping or leadership; others are clearly a special endowment: faith, gifts of healing and the power to work miracles.
(I added bold type and the yellow highlight for emphasis).
[Bibliography. A. Bittlinger, Gifts and Graces, 1967; idem, Gifts and Ministries, 1974; D. Bridge and D. Phypers, Spiritual Gifts and the Church, 1973; H. von Campenhausen, Ecclesiastical Authority and Spiritual Power in the Church of the First Three Centuries, 1969; H. Conzelmann, ‘charisma’, TDNT 9, pp. 402–406; J. D. G. Dunn, Jesus and the Spirit, 1975; E. Schweizer, Church Order in the New Testament, 1961. w.g.p.]

Although this information reads in the past tense, it is doing so as a Bible commentary expounding on the gifts of the early Church. I do not believe nor do I interpret this commentary as suggesting that the spiritual gifts are dead. Just wanted to clarify that for you. I believe that in materials which cover the gifts for the Church today there is even better understanding of the gifts and how they are used for the building up of the Church today.

Now, back to honing your gift.

I hope you know what your gift(s) is(are). Some are given more than one. The last time I took an inventory, I had a couple of the speaking gifts and a service gift rank higher than the others. Teaching is one of those speaking gifts.

If I don't exercise that gift, much like a muscle gone flabby from lack of exercise, that gift goes "flat". So, for me to hone that gift, I need to take opportunities as God directs to put it to use for Him.

If you noticed the highlighted word, "exhortation," up there, you saw that it falls under the description of a prophetic speaking gift for the early Church. It is still around and still useful, needed.

To exhort means to encourage, admonish, comfort, and even warn. John the Baptist exhorted (Luke 3:18) and so did Paul (Acts 13:15). Be sure to read the passages surrounding these in order to grasp the context.

So, when I wrote of honing that gift yesterday, I was encouraging those of us with that gift to practice it....hone it.

That would be true for any of the gifts which the Spirit has given us. We need to put them to use.

Thanks for reading all this today.

Hug yourself!

Update on the Job and the Calling

2011-01-17T06:00:00.002-05:00

After running into a few friends this weekend, it occurred to me that I needed to update the latest on my husband's job situation.

God has provided a job for him and we couldn't be more excited, thankful, and relieved. He was offered a job in corporate communications at a company right where we are so we won't have to move. He'll begin in a couple of weeks.

So, for now, I'm going to continue enjoying having him home. It's been a sweet time to go on walks together, spend time together during the day, and drink our morning cups of joe slowly while we have our simultaneous quiet times. I told him the other day this was an opportunity to make the most of this time before we are old enough for retirement.

Speaking of retirement, this is just a reminder that there is no retirement in the kingdom of God. I need this reminder. Lately, I've been asked to "come out of my retirement" from teaching Bible study this year and pick it back up, which I have planned to do all along. When I said I wouldn't teach this year, that was back in he fall and I had no energy or concentration to do it. I sensed God's leading to take the winter and spring of this year off and announced I would do so.

I had chemo to finish, radiation to go through, and low and behold, a husband to stand by as he walked through our latest challenge. My mother is preparing to have her other knee replaced soon and our oldest will be marrying in May. Life is busy.

I was asked to lead a Sunday morning class at our church during Lent on the book of Matthew. Our church will be studying it all together during that time. I believe it's time to take that on and build up my teaching muscles in preparation for the fall when I'll resume with Isaiah, part 2, finally, barring anything else the Lord finds necessary to teach me/us.

Also, there is such a need for evening studies for working women. I keep getting asked about that, too, and I'm praying what God would have me do.

Now, my challenge to you is this. If you have the spiritual gift of teaching and/or exhortation, are you honing the gift and using it in the body of Christ?

Finally, if you could study anything from the Bible, what would you choose and why?

Snow/Ice Day

2011-01-11T14:29:00.000-05:00

During our sleep Sunday evening and Monday in the wee hours, it happened. The snow fell and the ice came. We awoke to a dazzling array of winter's beauty without losing our electricity. Rob, Robert, Beans, and I stayed indoors except a couple of times. Okay, Beans had to go outside more than a couple of times because she's a small dog. Robert ventured outside to leave a big, foot-tracked, "HI!" , on the front lawn. I think some of the lower aircraft could have seen it if they hadn't been grounded. Rob went to the mailbox and brought me back a package from my sister. Yes, she made me another cap and I love it and her. Want to see it? Of course you do! You like pictures. Most of the ice/snow is gone today (picture day).

In keeping with my promise to not go to the grocery store, here's what we consumed based on what we had available in the freezer, fridge, and pantry:

Breakfast: we each fended for ourselves and I had a bowl of high fiber cinnamon swirl oatmeal.
Lunch: I thawed what I thought was chili only to find out it was spaghetti sauce. So I cooked some penne pasta, bathed it in the sauce, poured it in a casserole topped it with grated cheese. Alongside were some steamed green beans and my usual spaghetti accompaniment, sweet pickles. I grew up with that. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
Snack, because Robert likes/needs them: a Paula Deen recipe....gooey butter cake, the pumpkin version.
Supper: Turkey breast (the frozen Butterball, cook in the bag kind, which is fabulous and comes with its own frozen gravy packet), cornbread dressing made and poured in a pan to freeze back in November....of 2009 (chuckle) which was very good even though the men were scared to eat it at first, stewed apples, and sliced steamed brussel sprouts topped with a bit of cooked, chopped bacon.
Snack for the BCS championship game (War Eagle!): an online version of Chili's queso dip. The ingredients had been made ahead back in the fall and frozen for such a time as this to be assembled with that ever-needed Velveeta cheese. We had tortilla chips on hand.

So, we survived. In the process of discovering frozen treats tucked away, I realized we could go a few more days without having to venture out.

But, instead, after eating like we did yesterday, I needed a salad for lunch today and had no greens. Out we went!

I hope your snow/ice day in was restful if you were stuck in at home. What did you do/eat?

Waiting on Snow...

2011-01-09T20:59:00.000-05:00

As I type this, it's Sunday night. A fire is in the fireplace and home has never felt better. Our dog Beans is chewing on her "toothbrush", a rawhide stick. Rob is nearby taking care of some things from his to-do list.

According to the meteorologists, we should be expecting snow, sleet, and ice this evening. So, we wait, but not as frenzied as we may have been under the same circumstances in the past. You know...running to Publix to grab gallons of water, a large Jif peanut butter, a loaf of bread, firewood, and ingredients for Paula Deen's taco/chili soup. This time, we have firewood and I've decided to go wild regarding the meals and use whatever is on hand should we not be able to maneuver the roads tomorrow. I kind of relish the thought of foraging through the pantry and fridge for the makings of a surprise food fest.

After all, it's Southwest Georgia. A threat of a flurry shuts us down 24 hours ahead of time with all our survival skills in use in order to not go hungry for a day. I'm thankful for a gas stove, furnace, and water heater. Laundry is done. The cell phone is charged. A good day of hibernation sounds wonderful.

Beans has finished brushing her teeth and is circling on her cushion in front of the fire. Aaaaah, she's content to drift off, her nose pressed against the warm firescreen. All is well.

All is truly well here at home. Hear my contented sigh and picture a smile.

Asking, "What Now?"

2011-01-06T06:00:00.002-05:00

Isn't that usually the question we ask ourselves after something major happens to us?

What now? What should I do next?

Since I seem to be asking questions today, may I ask some more?

To whom are you addressing that question? You, someone else, or God?

Honestly, there have been plenty of times when I have addressed that question to the first two options. Sadly, I think those times have outnumbered the times when I have asked God that question. Blame it on culture? Nope. I take responsibility for misdirecting and I am sorry that I have.

It's just so easy to ask a human because most people are willing to either give the answer or banter options around with me. Selfishly, I want an answer quickly.

Prayerfully asking and waiting on God's answer is hard. I believe that's the bottom line for why I have so often not asked of Him and waited.

It has been almost a year since I found "the lump" that felt like a cell phone wedged in my upper chest.

You know what? I really believe God had me go out of town all by myself to care for our oldest who was sick. I stayed the night in a hotel. I had no one to report my finding to in the moments following. It was the right thing to get out of the shower, throw on my jammies, and sit on the bed opening my Bible and seeking God's direction in a whispered, lump-in-my-throat question, "God, what do I do next?" I wrote about that here. The timing was before I had seen any doctor. I really didn't know the lump was cancer, but kind of felt that it would be.

As I sensed His response that night, "Take the next step," I obeyed after reading Psalm 4, and took the next step. I went to sleep. The next morning, when I asked Him what to do next, I obeyed when I sensed Him directing me to get on the road and share my finding with my husband upon arriving home.

So, that habit of asking Him what to do next is becoming more and more natural. It seems like the Ward household is having many more opportunities to ask Him this question and wait on His answer. Fortunately, He does answer. I am so grateful.

What about you? Who will you ask the next time you need to know what to do?

Fresh Starts

2011-01-05T06:00:00.059-05:00

Sometimes I look forward to a fresh start. For example, the fresh start of a new school year was always exciting to me as a child. Fresh crayons, new packs of lined paper, pencils with unused erasers, and unblemished notebooks were signs of clean starts. The past year's report card was just that, passed.

A new school year was a time to start over with a clean slate (no, I didn't take a slate to school!). You get the metaphor.

So, this time in our family's life affords us a fresh start. We have processed what God has allowed into our lives and we have gone through stages similar to those in the stages of grief. We're probably not quite done.

Layoffs and cancer occur.

God is bigger than these.

Who ever said we would only be allotted one "bad thing" in our lives? Yet, I have thought my family was somewhat immune to anything else happening to us that we wouldn't like after I came out of my chemo-induced fog.

But, it did happen.

We have a choice. Be bitter or hopeful.

By choosing bitterness, I fall prey to cattiness. I express dissatisfaction with God by doing so. It is as if I say God has no idea what is going on much less what HE is allowing that could have a very different outcome than what my pessimism will allow me to grasp.

In my small human mind I may think things can't get worse; or I fear they can and will. But, from His perspective there is His best for us waiting on the horizon. Maybe my perception of what is best doesn't match up to His. That doesn't matter. His best is still His best and THE best.

So, I choose hope. My hope is in Him. He has a plan.

I desire to be hopeful while He unfolds it before us. I desire to be willing to bend to His plan. I desire to learn what He'd have me learn. I desire to love and trust Him with ALL of this.

For Rob's sake, I desire to be the best wife, encourager, and supporter God has called me to be while he bears this newest "thing" shoulder to shoulder with God.

It's time for a fresh start, a fresh outlook, a fresh heart, a fresh trust, a fresh commitment, and a fresh faith.

SDG.

Noting Punctuation

2011-01-04T09:37:00.000-05:00

While reading in Genesis the other day, I noticed an exclamation point. "So the LORD God said to the serpent, 'Because you have done this, cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals!' " (Genesis 3:14, NIV)

I didn't notice an exclamation point when God addressed Adam and Eve in this discourse. Yet, He expresses a passionate displeasure in Satan's victory of deceitful cunning over Adam and Eve that led to their sin and ours. It ruined God's plan for man, so Satan thought. But in God's plan He had known He has the ultimate victory over the enemy, sin, and death because in the next verse He pronounces the woman's Seed, Jesus, will crush Satan's head and have the ultimate victory.

As my quiet time progressed, I came across Psalm 35:27 affirming God's ultimate care, love, and concern for man. And notice His exclamation, "Great is the LORD, Who delights in the welfare of His servant!"

Now, Rob and I find great comfort in this for several reasons. He healed me of breast cancer last year and showed us numerous times His care for me. Today, my husband has been officially laid off as a result of a company's downsizing. So, we take stock of this verse and note God's passion for our welfare and take rest in His provision.

A New Look

2010-12-31T04:00:00.002-05:00

Happy almost new year!

I decided it was time to create a new look for the blog since I have a new look (smile). I hope you like the updated fresh look and colors.

Today is my birthday. The American Cancer Society's campaign this year sports the motto, "The official sponsor of birthdays." I like that.

Ultimately, I know in my heart and mind that God is the Official sponsor and creator of all my birthdays past, present, and future. For that, I am most grateful.

In typical fashion, I have spent some time reflecting on this past year. I would do that even if it weren't my birthday simply because of the date. But, since my birthday is the last day of the year, it simplifies how many times I reflect in a year's time...one big reflection with a small smattering of reflecting moments here and there.

With that in mind, I wanted to share the books that have ministered to me the most this year:

Daily Light by Bagster/Lotz
Streams in the Desert by LB Cowman and updated by Jim Reimann
Praying Through Cancer by Sorensen/Giest (a gift from my sister early on)
The One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie
The One Year Bible (New Living Translation).

Tomorrow's a new day, a new YEAR! What does God have in store for each of us? I want to approach it as Jesus reminds me.

Matthew 6:34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Happy Gradiation!

2010-12-06T14:34:00.001-05:00

The day we knew would come at last, at last has come! I just completed my last of 33 radiation treatments so I have graduated from radiation and I have the diploma to prove it!

HAPPY "GRADIATION" TO ME!

I don't know that any of you ever cried on the last day of school, but I did when I was growing up and going through my elementary-jr. high (aka. middle school) years. Why? Because I was going to miss my teachers and friends. Call me a nerd I guess.

So, today was no different from some of those last days of school. I cried as the radiation technicians came back in the room when my last dose was over. I told them I would miss them and also told them how thankful I was for their care of me these last 6 1/2 weeks. Then, they gave me hugs and my "diploma."

Two radiation buddies (we three would sit together before our radiation appointments like birds on a wire in our matching hospital gowns) brought me "gradiation" presents as a surprise! They told me they didn't want to see me up there any more! Under the circumstances, that was a nice thing to say.

Before my appointment, I lunched with Rob at a local restaurant that had become a celebration place by default. It was there we ate after the port cath was inserted. It was there we ate when my surgeon called with the news the pathology reports came back "cancer free". So, it was the obvious choice for us to dine in today before my last appointment.

Once I got in the car to come home, my oldest who is about to graduate from the University of Georgia, texted me with words of celebration over being officially done with this whole thing.

What next? Well, some might go to Disney World. However, we did that in February before we shared the news of the diagnosis.

To go from someone with cancer to being someone without it within the course of this year, is wonderful. What a whirlwind journey it has been.

I praise God for every step of the way and for His Presence, guidance, and healing.

So, what to do? Well, I'll just look forward to what He has in store for this family next.

SDG!

Thanksgiving Service Transcript

2010-11-18T16:08:00.001-05:00

Last night, (minus my hat or wig) I had the privilege of speaking along with three others at our church's Thanksgiving service. What follows is the transcript of my portion. It was hard to whittle away at the list of all the reasons I give thanks at this point in my life. So, here goes...

Hebrews 13:15 says, "Through Him (Jesus) then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name." (NASB)

Tonight I stand before you not having to sacrifice to praise God for all He has done in the recent months. However, there were moments during these months when it was a true sacrifice to praise Him.

Last week, I was walking through the neighborhood. It happened to be garbage pickup day and all my neighbors had their trashcans at the end of their driveways awaiting the garbage truck. For most of my walk I managed to stay ahead of the truck, but at some point I ended up behind the truck. So, as I pondered what I would say to you tonight, I was reminded on the back side of the garbage truck that sometimes, life stinks.

In February, I was diagnosed with stage 3, aggressive triple negative, invasive ductal breast cancer. Up until then, my life had been ahead of the garbage truck.

Rob (my husband) and I swallowed the news, met with my doctors, and shared the news and plans for treatment with our family and friends. I began the protocol for treatment: chemo first to shrink the large tumor, followed by lumpectomy (hopefully), then radiation.

My constant phrase then and throughout all of this, even today, has been, "God is faithful and I trust Him in this. He will glorify Himself through healing me."

From the beginning, God began to point out things for which to be thankful even in the moments of tears as well as laughter. So, there are numerous things for which I give thanks. Following is a narrowed-down list:

Our parents' love and encouragement.
God's spiritual growth in Rob and me individually and as a couple right out of the gate as we learned of the cancer and began digesting the news.
My husband's faithfulness to God in caring for me as part of the covenant vows we made 24 years ago. (I love you, Honey.)
Our sons' lessons in faith in God to heal me and our sons' ways of ministering to us through sharing music that fed my soul, coming to the cancer center to sit with us until they got kicked out for breaking the rules of no more than one visitor per patient, and other ways.
God's Word becoming so fresh from this different vantage point.
The blessing of being stripped bare of having control...recognizing that I don't.
The blessing of being stripped of hair at Easter...the money saved on highlights and products, the time saved in my morning routine, the hats my sister knitted/crocheted for me and the ones my husband bought me; even the wig we lovingly call, "Delilah."
The blessing of new growth of hair coming in which I learned yesterday that on a windy, rainy day does not frizz nor blow in my face...yet.
The brothers and sisters in Christ who committed to pray for my healing daily and who would send texts and emails with specific verses prayed at all times of day and night.
Friends who gathered in my home and their homes to pray with me before all the chemo began and again later.
Friends who circled together my first day of chemo to pray in the parking lot of the cancer center for me and all others in the infusion room. (Thank you all. You are so special to me.)
Being humbled by God to recognize the value of traditional hymns and formal liturgy to minister to our souls during this time. Thank you for welcoming Rob and me back with such love and encouragement.
The gradual diminishing of the cancerous mass I had found to the point that neither I or my doctors could feel it any more.
The God-confidence to tell the technicians before I entered the new breast MRI machine that the pictures were going to show no cancer. Such was the case in all the thousands of images they took.
The pathology report after the lumpectomy surgery that said the nodes and breast were cancer free.
The doctors who confidently said, "Amy, it's a miracle!"
The radiation technicians who play Christian music on the radio while I'm at my daily radiation appointment, which end in December.
God's sameness - He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is still in the business of healing miracles. The fact that he is the God Who was, Who is, and Who is to come. He is sovereign over my past, my present, and my future.
Finally, this opportunity to encourage you that if you are God's, He says in His Word that He will never leave nor forsake you.

Even behind the garbage truck, He's faithfully got you. He is aware. He has a plan for your good and His glory. As Psalm 139 says, there is nowhere you can go from His presence.

Psalm 103:1-5 says,
"Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle."

So, I say to you with thankfulness to God, I would not trade the blessings of having cancer for never having had it.

In February, I had cancer.
Today, I do not.

I am so thankful for all of God's blessings.

Sober Joy

2010-11-02T04:00:00.001-04:00

Somehow the days go by and I realize I haven't blogged. I used to be so regular with this thing. Surely, that will return. I have no excuses except that I have few words. (Smile). That may be rather hard for some of you to believe. But, believe it. For now, I am a more quiet me; a more pensive ponderer as I continue to take in what God has done in healing me.

I desire to quietly soak it in. How do I explain it to myself and to you? Experiencing healing is a sober joy. It is overwhelming.

My oncologist helped me to understand what I have been feeling by saying that what I went through was like being in a car accident. You have to go through the accident and then begin to process what just happened.

I am still processing.

Actually, I'm still in process with the radiation. All is going well with that. Day 10 is today. Twenty-three more to go.

And then? What do I truly want to do?

I want to quietly come home after radiation 33 and enjoy returning to "normal". As Carol Kent has titled one of her books, I would like to copy it as I will adjust to a "new kind of normal"; life after breast cancer. I will pray for protection from lymphedema (even though I have my compression sleeve and the glove they call a "gauntlet" just in case I notice swelling in the left arm). I have told my children and now I tell all those reading this, that if you're with me one day and I should just pass out and be unable to speak, please make sure no one takes my blood pressure in the left arm or gives me a shot there or draws blood from it. Those are all no-no's now that the nodes are gone. I guess you could say they are no-no's from no nodes.

Several friends have wanted to throw a party to celebrate the end of cancer in my life. I smile and kindly tell them that I'd rather not. It's true. I'm just not into the party scene over this. Once it's all over, I just want to move on. The more intimate times of tearful celebration with my own husband, our boys, and the doctors have been enough. In my daily quiet times of prayer I remind God of His goodness toward me and celebrate in quiet thanksgiving to Him for how He's carried me every step of the way. I have times of repentance for the doubts that still pop in from time to time. It's hard to admit how quickly doubts can come even after seeing God at work in my life.

God is good. To Him be the glory! (SDG!=Soli Deo Gloria!)

What To Do November 4?

2010-10-26T16:14:00.000-04:00

Back in the summer I read Jane Rubietta's book, Come Closer, and wrote a brief review of the book. You can read it here.

On Thursday, November 4, from 6:00 - 7:30 PM, Jane will be speaking at St. Luke UMC's "Celebrating Women Dinner Conference". The event is open to women in the surrounding community and the cost is $20 per person for the evening.

Jane is an award-winning author and inspirational speaker. She is biblical, encouraging, and humorous. She writes on assignment for Focus on the Family and is a regular contributing author for Today's Christian Woman. She is the author of 11 books including Come Closer, Grace Point, and Quiet Places.

Contact St. Luke UMC for specific information regarding making a reservation at 706-327-4343.

I hope you will take the time to attend this event.

Recent Encounter with Proverbs 3:5-8

2010-10-21T04:00:00.000-04:00

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." (ESV)

I had the necessity to camp out in these verses recently. It had come to my attention that I had some trust issues with not just anyone, but with someone...God.

So, I sat down with a fresh journal page and made some notes.

"Trust" in the Hebrew, is a verb meaning to be confident in. It expresses the feeling of safety and security that is felt when one can rely on something or someone else. It is used to show trust in God.

With what am I to trust Him? All my heart! In the Hebrew, "heart" refers to the emotions but more often to the intellect (discernment). For me, in order to do that, I must acknowledge Him.

That word for "acknowledge" means knowing Him experientially and relationally. It's not just knowing about Him, but truly knowing Him. Where will I learn about Him? In His Word then taking truths gleaned there and applying them to my life, circumstances, and situations.

I can trust Him to lead me, to not leave me, to love me, and provide for me. I can trust Him with my husband and children. I need not be afraid. He is in control.

Do you trust Him with every aspect of your life?
How do you trust Him?
What are truths from His Word about Him that allow you to take refuge in Him during tough times?

Almost a Month Ago

2010-10-18T14:10:00.000-04:00

The last post occurred almost a month ago. The post-op pathology report had come back with wonderful news of clear margins and no signs of cancer left in the nodes or breast. We were on the mountain top!

My head was still shiny and bald. Eyelashes were vacant. Eyebrows were drawn on with a brush and blonde eyeshadow. I had to remember to not scratch where an eyebrow had been in case I erased the pencil with my fingertips and ended up with dots and dashes for eyebrows.

Now a month of continued resting and healing has occurred. The hair on my head is making an appearance of fuzzy shortness in a nondescript dark color that remains to be discerned as dark blonde, brown, or black. Eyebrows are coming back. Eyelashes are visible. I celebrated the eyelash return with the purchase of fresh mascara today. I may forego the brow brush and shadow soon. Baby shampoo with conditioner now is in use as part of the morning routine.

I will begin my course of radiation treatments Wednesday for 33 days (every afternoon Monday through Friday). The preliminary appointment for radiation was interesting as Sharpie marks were made on my upper body and taped over so as to prevent the erasing of them. After a week of the doctor planning, checking, and rechecking the prescribed radiation path, I will begin this week.

Also during the month I met with a physical therapist to get some exercises for the left arm that was trying to resume its normal stretch and reach post-op. I was also educated in the do's and don'ts of how to use that arm so I won't suffer from lymphedema.

God's continued sustaining has become even more obvious and I have been learning that after mountain tops, valleys come and regardless of how I "feel" in a valley, it doesn't change the truths long-known about the God Who created me and loves me with an everlasting love.

I hope that is a good reminder for you today, too.

It's good to be back!

A Clear Path

2010-09-20T12:59:00.000-04:00

During today's QT, I was encouraged by a verse in the New Living Translation.

"The LORD will be our Mighty One. He will be like a wide river of protection that no enemy can cross, that no enemy ship can sail upon." - Isaiah 33:21

Wednesday of last week I had my surgery to remove the area where the breast cancer had been. It was a lumpectomy and axillary nodes surgery. I was following the procedures laid out by the doctors with our agreement from the initial finding of the tumor. Even though the MRI reported no visible cancer, I still had to proceed with the plan. I'm learning you don't cut corners with cancer. Another step in all this will be the follow-up radiation.

The surgery went well and I came home the same afternoon with a drainage tube in the underarm and lots of steri strips over the other incision where the "tumor that was" had resided. I even got a nice, new robe out of the whole deal.

Rob has been a trooper to change my bandages and help take wonderful care of me with the patience of Job. What a guy. I am blessed by his help and TLC.

Today, we went for our follow-up appointment with the surgeon to hear the results of the pathology report and to get the tube taken out.

Last night I was beginning to lose a bit of my resolve. Tears were shed as I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the tube, no hair on my head still, and a huge supply of humiliation from the effects of chemo. It can't be helped, I know. I guess I needed to cry. But mixed in with the other emotions was also fear and doubt. The fear was of going for the path report and not hearing what we were hoping to hear. Doubt rippled out from that. I prayed that God would prompt those who have been so diligent to pray for us through this to somehow realize I was a weak warrior last night and that they would step up their prayer watch.

So this morning's verse seemed to offer that bit of encouragement and God-support I so needed in order to picture Him protecting me from further news that would overwhelm and pull me under my emotional flood. I began to feel hope returning, faith growing strong again, and trust in Him taking over.

Rob prayed before we left for the appointment and off we went.

Ushered in quickly, I changed and looked at the grenade-like bulb on the end of the drainage tube and hoped this thing would soon be gone. In walked the doctor and out came the news of the path report.

There is no cancer in the breast and none in the eight nodes!

As my doctor said this I cried happy tears, not like last night's tears of fear.

He says it's a miracle. I agree.

SDG!

Sprained Ankles and Why I Don't Look UP

2010-09-10T09:32:00.000-04:00

I have a tendency to sprain the same ankle. It's my right ankle and I sprained it while going down some uneven steps last Friday evening. I was wearing some cute new shoes, too. Oh, and I was holding my new favorite flavor of frozen yogurt in a cup, vanilla mixed with bananas and pistachios. Yes, I had on a hat and it managed to stay on my head, praise God! My purse stayed on my arm. I've become a pro at falling when my ankle rolls, sadly...like last November in the garage while carrying my favorite mug, a tote bag and my purse to the car. Coffee spilled, pants got an abrasion, but the mug did NOT break! Ta Dah!

The first time I sprained it was when I "got saved" on a youth beach retreat. Ironically, stairs were involved in this event, too, which happened to be the week before my first year of high school marching band practice. Needless to say, I started out marching band on crutches and in a chair observing. Talk about a way to humility. Ugh. I caught up though I kind of hobble marched for a bit.

Friday's fiasco was so quick and yet so slow motion. I could tell I had misstepped and I came tumbling down landing my backside on the initial step where the fall began. Frozen yogurt remained upright although my appetite for it left immediately and I handed my cup to Rob to toss in the trash.

After "resting" on the steps for a couple of minutes, I lifted my pants leg and saw what looked like a baseball under the skin of my ankle. Rob helped me up and I carefully went the rest of the way down the steps and into the car.

Once home (we were in the mountains for a relaxing weekend) nurse Rob made sure I kept ice on it, took lots of Tylenol, and wore the stretchy ankle brace he bought the next morning with all the lunch fixings he had to get, too.

Now that we've been back in Columbus since Labor Day evening, I've managed to get up carefully in the mornings and hobble about my morning routine (quiet time with my foot elevated) until my ankle has warmed up for the day and I can manage to "walk" somewhat normally.

I'm a bit frustrated that it happened (I've lost count of how many times I've sprained the thing) as it has forced me to sit even more still...and that's another story for another post.

Hug yourselves. No need to send me pity party comments. I've said them all to myself. I just wanted to share something/anything with you in an attempt for you to know everything is alright, even with a sprained ankle. (Smile.) Also, it might clue you in as to why I look down more than up when I'm walking, even on flat pavement.

My Latest Read

2010-09-08T04:00:00.000-04:00

With time on my hands due to the empty nest and not teaching Bible study this coming year, I have had time to read. Granted my concentration and eyesight are not quite up to my preferences, but I'm making do with the best I can offer.

Over the Labor Day weekend Rob and I headed for the hills and cooler weather and I had time to finish reading my latest endeavor, Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild.

This is a serious book by Mary Kassian that takes a serious look at the wild woman of Proverbs 7 and finds 20 points in her character that make her "wild", then the author finds 20 counterpoints from Scripture that would contrast her with a WISE woman.

Although the book relates most of the points to the way the wild woman goes about getting a man, it offers some excellent food for thought for married and single women of all ages as we go about life and relating to others, male and female, and how we relate to God. At several times in my reading I would have to put the book down, take a prayer break for forgiveness and come back to it.

If I had daughters, I'd read it with them. If I had sons who were trying to meet "Miss Right", I'd read it and coerce them into reading it. If I were a dad of daughters, I'd read it. If I were a married man, I'd read it.

You get my point.

I think most anyone reading today's post ought to pick up a copy and read it and consider passing it along to others. The book has an accompanying website where quizzes and questions for each chapter can be found.

Is it a quick read? no
Is it an easy read? no
Is it backed up with Scripture? absolutely
Is it worth the investment of your time to read it? yes

I hope you will.

Waiting for MRI Results

2010-09-02T16:13:00.000-04:00

Tuesday, I had the privilege of being the first official patient to try out the new Breast MRI machine at the St. Francis Breast Care Center for Women. It was much like getting into a position for a massage, but minus the massage. After donning earplugs and head phones to block out the noise, I was pushed back into the MRI unit with an emergency ball for squeezing "help!" in one hand and the dye tube draped over the other. Face down and praying I would not cough or need to scratch any itch, I endured the noise that sounded at times like gunfire or deep church bells. The MRI lasted about 45 minutes. I admit that towards the end I was growing a bit panicked. Having no silence made it rather difficult to pray but I attempted.

Before getting onto the contraption I told the team of four women who would be assisting that day that should they be able to read the pictures, I knew that nothing was going to show up...nothing cancerous.

At the conclusion of the MRI, Rob and I left and went about life. What does one do when waiting for results? For me, the days were like any other. It was more comforting to wait for these results than the ones from the biopsy. I had such a peace in my spirit, that to worry or stew was wrong, so I opted to just go through the days as normal as possible until what we knew was not there was made sure and reportable.

Today, as Rob and I lunched at a local steak house (we had salads in the bar), I received a call from my surgeon who informed me that the results were in and the report was excellent. There were no visible cancer cells in the images! Yea! \0/

He said that didn't mean that there would not be any microscopic residual cells, so surgery and radiation plans are still a go...dates to be determined.

But, join with me in celebrating this wonderful news and evidence of God's work through chemo since March!

It was a wonderful way to end our meal and how appropriate to get the news on what would have been a chemo day were I not done as of two weeks ago. It was also interesting that we were at the same restaurant we ate in the day my power port (for chemo) was surgically installed. I rubbed it and smiled when I got the news!

Voices - Chapter 9 - A Call to the Counter-Revolution

2010-08-26T04:00:00.002-04:00

The concluding chapter of Voices is written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. After examining the revolution that started some years ago, the book reaches the point where it challenges the reader to take a step to follow the counter-revolution. This battle for true womanhood has come to a point where being idle must end. Many Christian women are not experiencing true freedom and fullness. Nancy challenges us no matter the stage or season in which we find ourselves to take a stand, like Esther, for such a time as this. I particularly like her take of what true womanhood looks like to teens, single women, married, mothers, and older women.

Nancy looks briefly at the life story of Amy Carmichael (a personal favorite of mine) as being an example of true womanhood in the times in which she lived and ministered to others.

She then goes on to explain what "nailing the colors to the mast" means in light of the True Woman Manifesto.

At the conclusion of the chapter is a copy of it. You can also see it online here and if you so choose, you can sign it. I signed it a while back.

This concludes the blog following of the Voices of the True Woman Movement. I hope you will go to the True Woman blog for today's additional reading on this chapter. More than that, I hope this book has left an impact on you that will be for the better.

Thanks for following along.

Voices - Chapter 8 - Leaving a Lasting Legacy Through Prayer

2010-08-25T04:00:00.000-04:00

Although I have never met Fern Nichols, I can honestly tell you that she has had an impact on my prayer life. Fern began with just one other mother to pray for their children in school. From that duo an international ministry began; Moms In Touch, International. Although this chapter doesn't expound on that ministry, it does stress the importance of being women of prayer for others.

Can you think of someone who's prayers have been significant in your own spiritual journey? Are you the result of someone's lasting legacy of prayer for others?

Those two questions summarize the gist of this chapter. Are you the effective pray-er for others (your own or not) and will there be lasting fruit from the hours you have spent on your knees on behalf of others in prayer?

Fern addresses prayer from four aspects: praising God, confessing sin, thanking God, and interceding for others (self, too). Time in prayer is not time wasted. She also expounds on the value of using Scripture to pray back for others. Corporate praying with others on behalf of others is a vital part of this chapter and the MIT ministry.

While this will be the second chapter on prayer in this book, I think it's vital that true women understand the value of being women of prayer for our children, for our families, for each other, for our communities, churches, our nation, and the world; for the lost and the saved; for the persecuted and the protected; for the driver at the red light next to us and the friend we share coffee with.

She also reminds us that having and keeping a prayer journal is a great way to go back and praise God for answers to prayers prayed.

Those of you familiar and/or active in Moms In Touch group will read familiar words that will encourage you to be back in the business of prayer. There is never any time off from it, is there?

Finally, for whom are we modeling this legacy of prayer? It's not to flaunt it before others, but it is to express the importance through discipling others in this practice of prayer.

As always, click on today's post title to read more on this chapter from the True Woman blog.

Don't forget to pray up.

Voices - Chapter 7 - God's Jewels

2010-08-24T04:00:00.000-04:00

Joni Earickson Tada authored this chapter. I'm amazed at those who are not familiar with this remarkable woman of faith. When she was a typical teenager enjoying horseback rides and swimming with friends, she suffered from a diving accident and has been a quadriplegic living in a wheelchair ever since. That was 40 years ago. She is head of "Joni and Friends Ministry". She and her husband are co-laborers for the Kingdom and minister to a wide variety of people, some who live in wheelchairs and suffer handicaps and some who have handicaps we don't even know about. Her testimony is phenomenal, but her authenticity in this chapter is riveting. I had to read and reread it to grasp all the nuggets contained within. She's a remarkable "jewel" of God's.

Her purpose in this chapter is based on the question she asks near the beginning. "How do we become jewels that glitter for the King? How do we become treasures that really shine?" She moves us through the process of what being refined through suffering is like and the purposes behind such.

She moves into answering that question with Bible verses and analogies that will leave you amazed as you examine your own life and circumstances in the past and ponder afresh what God could have been doing and may continue to be doing to polish you into a jewel on this earth to fit into His heavenly kingdom one day.

It was while reading this chapter that I became familiar with a verse in the Bible where God says He's going to do something with all His heart and all His soul. I won't tell you where it is, because I want to encourage you to read it all for yourself. But, nonetheless, I loved reading that.

To take her story and this chapter one step further I would be remiss if I did not update you on one more trial Joni has had to face in her wheelchair. On June 23 of this year, she discovered she has breast cancer. You can click here to read her news from that day and I encourage you to read her follow-up blog posts as she has been journeying through this trial from the quadriplegic's perspective. You may have to scroll down to almost half the page to get the original post from her that day.

Let me leave you with some of her quotes from this chapter:

"God cares most, not about making us comfortable, but about teaching us to grow up spiritually."
"We should be grateful for God's sovereignty, even those many aspects of it that we cannot understand."
"Suffering is a chisel in the hand of God to chip away our pride, to bring low our stiff-necked, stubborn rebellion."
"You're being refined by the One who knows how to make your life really sparkle."

Again, click on today's title for more reading at the True Woman blog.

Voices - Chapter 6 - Choosing Faith in Seasons of Change

2010-08-23T04:00:00.006-04:00

This chapter's author is close by. Karen Loritts lives in Roswell, GA where her husband is a pastor. They have four grown children and seven grandchildren.

As the chapter opened, I was a bit too surprised to think it was going to parallel my recent activities of moving both boys off to their respective colleges and finding myself learning to figure out the empty nest. While Karen began her chapter with the telling of being prepared to move their fourth child out of the house and off to college, I was surprised to read her candor as she shared her story of an emotional breakdown.

Her story offers hope to many who have lived under the influence of fear that came as a result of loneliness and feeling alone to the point of a breakdown or pretty close to one. Anyone who has ever had to deal with fear will find this chapter to be a cathartic read.

She briefly details 10 buddies of fear and offers Scriptures that ministered to her during her time of crisis.

Let me remind myself and you that God doesn't waste a crisis. He will allow it to grow us spiritually, emotionally, and also get us to a point of vulnerability where our crisis can actually be useful in comforting others going through the same thing. Have you seen this play out in your own life? I know I have.

As the chapter winds down, Karen offers six beneficial points of coping with such a crisis of fear by expounding on James 4:7-10.

Her "autumn" got off to a rough start, but through God's grace and mercy she has come through it and is a vessel of help to those who may have walked a similar path or may even be headed that way.

God doesn't waste a crisis. Remember that.

Hug yourselves. Here's the link to True Woman blog if you would like to read more.

Voices - Chapter 5 - A Woman After God's Own Heart

2010-08-20T04:00:00.007-04:00

After reading and writing about chapter 4 from my perspective of true womanhood in yesterday's post, I read chapter 5, which was written my Janet Parshall, a dynamic author, speaker, and radio host.

I had made a comment about my calling in this empty nest season of life being that of more fervent prayer for my children.

God's timing...I have to chuckle, because in this next chapter, Janet shares the importance of being a praying woman by sharing the life of the biblical Hannah as she prayed fervently for a son she so desperately wanted. Similar in style to Nancy's telling of Esther with application mixed in, Janet retells Hannah's story and ties the application for true women today into the weaving.

Her opening question, "Can the prayers of a praying woman affect the course of a nation?", is answered in this chapter.

When I reached the part of the story where Hannah "wept bitterly" regarding her deep distress over the lack of a son, I thought of my own bitter tears before I began chemo and was so disturbed of soul that my breath was hard to catch as I prayed crying out to God. Eventuallly, my prayer became a whispered cry, "God, I trust You. God, I trust You."

At another point in the telling of Hannah's story, I was reminded (and the timing was perfect) that my sons are not mine. They are God's. They have been on loan to Rob and me, but they are not ours to keep.

Although it may seem the gist of this chapter is about being someone's mother, it's not just about being a biological nor adoptive mom. She reminds us that we are all spiritual mothers to someone and prayer is a vital part of all mothering.

Rob and I have an "adopted child" through Compassion International. His name is Paskali and he lives in Africa. We send financial support to him and we write. But more than that, I pray for him. Just as my own sons have, he also has a page in my prayer journal where I jot down the burdens of my heart for him and others. I kind of hope my prayers for his safety and nurturing, fresh water, and clean shoes are vital prayers God lays on my heart for one I may never meet this side of heaven. I pray more for his relationship to Jesus than I pray for his grade in art class (which it seems is one of his best subjects).

So, this chapter is profound for those who mother others. We need to be on our knees fully devoted to God in prayer as true women.

I also wanted to share with you a link to a favorite prayer ministry's site. One day this week, I received via email their weekly edition that is always useful. Coincidentally, this week's was a guide to praying for our children (biological and spiritual). Here's the direct link and I hope you'll print out a copy to keep on hand. I know I am.

As always, click on today's title for the link to the True Woman blog and read another's perspective on the same chapter in the Voices book.

Voices - Chapter 4 - For Such a Time as This

2010-08-19T04:00:00.001-04:00

I have finished reading Nancy Leigh DeMoss's second writing in this book, chapter 4. The timing of my just having completed this chapter is no accident. By the way, Thursday (today) is my final chemo day. Shed tears of JoY with me!

We dropped off our youngest to college last Saturday, the 14th. It went so fast, both the time leading up to his departure from our home (all his life) as well as the actual move-in (three hours). I have been left to wonder and perhaps ponder a bit too much what my new purpose is in life since my youngest reason for being a stay-at-home mom has flown out of the nest. My prayer life, perhaps? Is that the newer revitalized purpose for my calling as a mom? Already, I have sensed a great need to be in my prayer closet for him in his freshman year because of all the wonderful and horrible things to which he'll be exposed while out from under our roof. It can grieve a mother's soul if not properly directed. Bebo Norman's "Where You Are" is playing in the background as my iPod has shuffled itself to play this song at just this moment. Wow, God's timing amazes me. This song is Bebo's tribute to his mom. Sniff, sniff, sob.

As I was writing earlier, I have completed Nancy's chapter on the Bible's book of Esther.

In this chapter, Nancy reminds us there are two kingdoms at work: the kingdom of this world and then the greater kingdom of God. She quotes John Piper at one point and I must go on and share it with you here. He says, "In every situation and circumstance of your life, God is always doing a thousand different things that you cannot see and you do not know." If I could remember that, then maybe so many times I would shy away from trying to manage a situation, whine, nag, and moan.

In Esther's life, she got a good reminder from her cousin when Mordecai exhorted her that she had been placed in that physical location and point of history "for such a time as this."

If we are to be true women for God, then we have to realize there are things we see (which can frustrate and anger us or cause us to be prideful or happy about) and there are those things going on regarding the same situations which we cannot see (God is bigger and has a bigger plan than we can fathom even in the same situation).

In this chapter, Nancy goes through the life of Queen Esther and takes each portion and applies it to us as women today. Then, she concludes with six points to be taken to heart by true women in handling each crisis that comes along (worldwide crises and even the more personal, close-to-home kind).

Again, I found her Scriptural insight to be refreshing and her writing style to be convicting and filled with encouragement to the reader.

As always, you can click on today's post title at the top and read the post for the same chapter at the True Woman blog.

Thanks for stopping by. Five more chapters to go. I hope you are enjoying the posts. Get the book. It's a lot better than my posts. (Smile.)

Voices - Chapter 3 - You've Come a Long Way, Baby!

2010-08-18T04:00:00.000-04:00

Mary Kassian authors this chapter. You may know something of her study on taming the tongue. I've recommended it here before. It's called Conversation Peace.

In this chapter she begins part two of the book, The Battle for True Womanhood. I'm excited to read her writing. I hope you are as well.

The premise of this chapter is to educate us in the whole feminist movement/philosophy from its inception in France and then in America. It takes the reader decade by decade, thought by thought, and is sobering. When I sat in a Women's Studies class in the mid 80's in a Southern college, I had no idea it was the result of the efforts of small groups of feminist bandwagon women called "Consciousness Raising" groups modeled after Mao Tse-tung's groups. Honestly, I don't remember much about the class, I was too excited to be preparing for a wedding and the subsequent marriage to my high school sweet heart. Ha! I took the class because I needed another elective and it seemed like it would be an easy "A". I was not disappointed.

Even then, I knew enough about the feminist philosophy to know I was created for more than their hopes of tearing down the Judeo-Christian meaning of womanhood that God had invented, named, and planned long before any woman was ever created. Hey Eve!

But, my flimsy knowledge in this whole "mystique" has been broadened to expose the "mistake" it became and the results on our society.

At the end of the chapter is the reminder that it's not about trying to be June Cleaver for true satisfaction, nor is it about working hard, having sex any way you want it, and slamming men to gain identity as women. It IS about putting our identity where it has belonged all along - in Christ.

I hope you'll read the chapter no matter where you stand on the whole "movement". Pardon me if I insulted some of you, but I make no apologies for what the Bible lays out and I appreciate Mrs. Kassian's way of writing all of this to not point fingers at any of us, but to educate us as to why our world is like it is based on a huge movement that began very small...like they all do.

Read it, because it's time to be fully educated from the biblical perspective on feminism.

Voices - Chapter 2 - From Him, Through Him, To Him

2010-08-17T04:00:00.001-04:00

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! 'For who has known the mind of the Lord,

or who has been his counselor?' 'Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?'

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen." - Romans 11:33-36 (ESV)

If you don't read any other chapter in this book, it's worth purchasing the book alone just for this one that Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes. She writes it very well. Had I been at the conference where she actually spoke these words two years ago, I believe they would not have the impact they do on me today considering my own life's path in recent months.

As I read the pages, my context was/is one of going through chemo for breast cancer. This round of chemo is more aggressive. I have had moments where I have not wanted to show back up for the next round, moments where I have been extremely fatigued, moments where the waves of queasiness make me grip my stomach and complain to Rob about how I just wish I could feel "normal" again.

In this chapter, Nancy writes what is perhaps the best discourse (maybe dissertation, even) on this passage in Romans (see above) and how it pertains to true womanhood. She comes at it from explaining in as simple terms as possible the numerous elements of this rich passage from the apostle Paul.

As I read, I was charged to continue on as it was God's call and will for me to go through BC and chemo, then surgery with a followup of radiation. None of this is a surprise to God. None of it was not permitted (it was all sifted through His sovereign fingers of love). None of this can I possibly fathom at times how God is going to work it all out for His glory and for my good.

I've said all along that Proverbs 31:25 has ministered to me through this time. "Strength and dignity are her clothing and she can smile at the days to come." When I read that reminder in this very chapter, I burst into happy tears of rejuvenation to continue for one more chemo and what all will follow. I drew a smiley face in the margin next to the verse. It was a good reminder.

Buy this book.
Read chapter 2.
Be encouraged that it is a verse that is very applicable to true womanhood and is at the very core of your existence. Amen!

Again, and as will be with each post, the title at the top links back to the True Woman blog post that correlates with the very same chapter. Just click on today's title and you'll be able to read another's take on the chapter I covered today (and in the days to follow).

Voices - Chapter 1 - The Ultimate Meaning of True Womanhood

2010-08-16T04:00:00.009-04:00

I tell this story often of our older son, Robert, being in the church nursery at age 3. As one little girl decided to play house and be the mommy, a little boy piped up and said he would be the daddy. Robert was left with a quandary. His response? "Well, I guess I'll just have to be the Christian."

Ultimately, Robert knew even then on some small level that his worth in life was based on Who he belonged to and not whether he could play the dad or the baby brother. He just knew the greatest value in that day's play time would be conveying what it is to be "little Christ," aka, "Christian".

That story may sound as though it should have no relevance in the first chapter of my reading of Voice of the True Woman Movement. But, it does.

As Robert so boldly proclaimed his place in the "house" that day, we women, are to not be wimpy in our stands for our Creator nor are we to have beliefs in Him based on wimpy theology that says our God is too small to overcome anything or be unable to be our all.

So many of the voices we have heard and heeded all these years as women have caused us to become wimpy women of faith.

It is time to accept the fact that we have a purpose; the ultimate meaning of true womanhood is to display the glory of Christ in its highest way (His dying to make rebellious us His happy bride forever). John Piper says that. I didn't make it up. His point is true. True womanhood is a distinct calling whether single or married to display the glory of Jesus in ways that would not be displayed were there no womanhood. That's a further explanation of Mr. Piper's.

I think the thing that hits me the greatest about this chapter is that true womanhood is not based on being married or being single. It's about being a woman who glorifies God wherever God has called her to reside. If married, to show the covenant relationship of Christ and the church by being in covenant with her husband. If single, by showing that the family of God is not about producing offspring through marriage only, but by producing spiritual offspring for all eternity. That's true of those married as well.

His concluding paragraph in this chapter sums it up well: "So whether you marry or remain single, do not settle for a wimpy theology. It is beneath you. God is too great. Christ is too glorious. True womanhood is too strategic. Don't wast it. Your womanhood - your true womanhood - was made for the glory of Jesus Christ."

As women, let us no longer raise up one type of woman as "better" than her sister. Married is not better than single. Single is not better than married. In both, we are to glorify God wherever He has called us and for however long He has planned it to be in each individual's life.

If you would like to read another's take on this first chapter, click on the title above and it will link it back to the True Woman Blog. Enjoy!

Making Good on a Promise

2010-08-11T11:29:00.000-04:00

Back on May 14, Revive Our Hearts, a ministry to women with Nancy Leigh DeMoss as its founder, issued an offer to bloggers for a new and free copy of their latest release, Voices of the True Woman Movement: A Call to the Counter-Revolution. There was a stipulation.

The condition for receiving the free copy of the book was/is that the blogger/recipient would commit to writing 9 posts (one for each chapter of the book) with the focus being the blogger's take on the chapters. Being the person I am who likes a good book and a free one at that, I committed to the challenge and now it's time to make good on my promise to Ms. DeMoss and the other contributing authors of the book (John Piper, Karen Loritts, Janet Parshall, Mary Kassian, Fern Nichols, and Joni Earickson Tada).

So, for the next nine posts, I'll do just that in hopes that I complete my assignment before the September 1 deadline.

If you would like a copy of this book to have and follow along with while I blog about it, you can get it here (unless your local bookstore has some in stock). Here's what it looks like:

This book came about as the result of the first True Woman Movement Conference in October 2008. It is a collection of messages heard during that conference by over 6,000 women in attendance.

As the back cover says, "In a world with so many contradictory and insistent messages, it's hard to know which ones are right, isn't it? In recent decades, a powerful chorus has called out to women - urging us to choose the pathways of independence and self-reliance. Slick advertising and packaging have made the world's offer, like the forbidden fruit in the Garden, appear to be 'good and a delight to the eyes...[and] desired to make one wise.' "

If you know me, you know I will enjoy reading this book. I hope you'll read it with me or at least follow along with the next nine posts as I revisit some of the topics we have allowed to disappear from our conversations over the years.

It's time. Join me. I'll start my posts on Monday, August 16.

Favorite Verse Friday

2010-08-06T04:00:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite verses of Scripture this week has been the New Living Translation's 2 Corinthians 4:17-18.

It says,

"For our present troubles are quite small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever."

I completed chemo 15 yesterday. I have one more to go on August 19, then more of the adventure continues with surgery and radiation (details not known yet).

Chemo has been going since March! Doesn't seem long to you perhaps. It has seemed like an eternity at times, especially under the more aggressive combo.

At times, falling into the thought of the foreverness of it all has been discouraging. I'm sure you understand.

Have you ever felt that way about a trial, an illness, suffering, or persecution; like it will never end?

This verse has ministered to me greatly this week facing the 15th treatment and then going through it. Now, it's comforting that all the side effects will be endured this time and then just one more time even if it is days at a time. There's an end. I cannot tell you how excited I am about knowing this.

Well, ultimately, there's an end to ALL the trials and afflictions every one of us faces. The believer in Jesus Christ has the comforting knowledge that there is a heavier weight of glory on the other side of all this stuff on earth. That glory lasts forever. Chemo comes to an end. Glory goes on. Hallelujah!

SDG!

What's your favorite verse this week and why? Leave a comment! Thanks!

Nineteen

2010-08-05T04:00:00.000-04:00

Happy 19th birthday David!

Yes, our youngest has his last teen birthday today. What a milestone. Do you remember your 19th birthday? I remember nothing of mine.

Isn't it funny how when we approach a birthday it is ripe with such excitement and joy and we relish each moment of the big day only to find that years down the road...nothing stands out.

David, if you're reading this, don't be depressed.

May God give you a wonderful day today filled with precious memories that last a really long time.

I love you!

To you commenters, what birthday stands out for you and why?

Empty Nest 101 - First Semester

2010-08-04T04:00:00.003-04:00

Okay, in less than two weeks, the Ward nest will be empty in the sense that 100% of the children will be sleeping under other roofs more than they'll be home for the next semester. It's like Rob and I have a bit of a trial run, though; a semester of seeing how we fare in living in an empty nest before one returns, although briefly. Robert will return to our abode in December after graduation and before his wedding while David will continue into his second semester of college.

I saw Toy Story 3 recently and my boys spent much of the movie looking at me in those moments they believed were expected that I should cry. I did not disappoint them. Fortunately, I had my tissues with me; not the box pictured here but a handful from another box. This box makes me happy and sad all at the same time as our youngest heads for the higher halls of learning in the Loveliest Village on the Plain, that's Auburn for those of you who were not educated to know any better. : ) He grew up with Toy Story. The irony of the timing of the movie's little boy grown up and heading off to college and the same for David, sniff sniff, is too much.

Today is about comments and yours are muy importante.

Those of you who have traveled this path and taken this Empty Nest 101 class, pass along your advice to the students (Rob and me). Our goal is to make an "A" in this class. Help us out with some of your best tips either here on the blog comments or on Facebook if you link there. Thanks!

Getting Ready for Christmas

2010-08-03T05:52:00.001-04:00

Much like my attempt to get new wallpaper in the hallway of our first home by tearing and pulling down the top stapled corners bit by bit while my husband slept one Saturday morning, he "got me back" Sunday when he opened the closet where we keep gift wrap and proceeded to pull all of the contents from the floor out into the hallway and proclaim he was about to straighten it. Whew, long sentence!

I kind of think that closet is my domain and I was a bit panicked at what his straightened closet would look like. I mean, I knew it would be way better than its current state of disarray. I was just afraid I would have no gift boxes left when Christmas rolled around because he was in the mood to toss it all out, you know?

So, I convinced him I would clean and straighten the lost gift wrap closet and restore it to its original purpose. Oh, and it also holds the tablecloths on hangers. Honestly, this closet is supposed to be the coat closet when guests arrive. Who actually has one for that purpose only?

Anyway, Rob ran errands for David's upcoming 19th birthday (gift shopped) while I pulled the closet contents into the living room under a ceiling fan.

I put ribbons on spools and organized them into the purchased boxes that had been sitting empty for such a time as this. These boxes have slits in them for ribbon to feed through for cutting while wrapping. Do you hear angels singing, or is that just me in organizing heaven?

I organized the rolling cart and blessed the four drawers with labels from my P-Touch label maker. What?! You don't have one? How do you live without it?

The box that is supposed to hold all our wrapping paper rolls now actually does and the top lid now contains the wrist tape dispenser, refills, scissors, and a fine point Sharpie.

Over half our boxes are gone as they didn't make the cut of reusable due to dents, tears, or flimsy factors. Rob had to help with that part. He's tall and the rule for boxes on the shelf is that I must be able to reach them without injuring my head on the box's trek down to my level. In other words, my hand must be able to stay with the box rather than as a tool to shimmy a box from its place in order to send it flying down to my level. Get it?

The final touch was organizing the gazillion gift bags back onto separate and labeled hangers. Bags for "men", "women", "Christmas", and "Valentine's". (I can't remember if I did the comma punctuation correctly on that one, so if someone would like to correct me, I'd appreciate it). [Note to self to buy an AP Style Book.]

So, I'm now ready to wrap presents and send cards of encouragement, get well, sympathy, and congratulations on birthdays, babies, and whatever else comes along. Those are all neatly stored in a card caddy.

Here are the top three things I couldn't have an organized gift wrap closet without:

My P-Touch Label Maker (thank you Martha Stewart).
The 4-drawer rolling cart with drawers for fabric ribbon, tissue paper and melamine bags, curling ribbons, and the Christimas curling ribbon and gift tag drawer.
The tall gift wrap roll of paper holder with the tape and scissor compartment.

As a bonus if I could add one, please, I can't live without my Scotch brand wrist tape dispenser. I keep tape refills handy at all times. I have more than one I like it so much.

Now all I have left to do is Christmas shop. I usually wait until December 1 to do that and regret it every time. Maybe this is the year I change that and actually have it done by Thanksgiving.

When do you like to get your Christmas shopping done?

What's in Your Prayer Journal?

2010-08-02T05:50:00.000-04:00

In my "intercession" section of my prayer journal I have three things I would be sad to not have.

A map of the world where persecution of Christians is prevalent.
A calendar to write down friends' and family's important dates (other than birthdays) so I can remember to pray for a surgery, trip, test, and appointment for them.
A picture of the human body (like from a biology text book) so when I'm praying for somebody's ailment, I can point to the exact spot where it is rather than just say the words.

Why do I need these things in my journal? Well, I don't NEED them, but they do enhance this visual learner's time in prayer.

Not only does the map come in handy for the lost and/or persecuted world, but when natural and/or political disasters hit, it is handy to point to the place and say, "God, see this? You know exactly what's going on there...." I guess the same could be said to Him in the other two items, the calendar and the map of the human body.

What about you? What's in your journal that might take us by surprise?

Psalm 34 and Your QT

2010-07-29T08:52:00.000-04:00

I've been up for a while, again. The owls outside the window are faithful to ask me each morning, "Who, who, WHO turned on the lights?" as they perch in their sturdy nest in the woods behind our house and look at the lamp that has been lit next to my chair.

Well, I turned their question of "who" into an exercise with my QT (quiet time) this morning.

While reading in my copy of Daily Light, one of the Scriptures was from Psalm 34, so I decided to read the Psalm in its entirety. Rich!

After reading it, I decided to make a list of all the attributes of The Who of the Psalm (the Lord) and next to the attribute, write a statement directed to me about this attribute as it pertains to my life. Rich!

So, for an example, it went something like this:

Psalm 34:4 - He (God) answers those who seek Him and He delivers them from all their fears. Amy, seek Him because He delivers you from your fears like side effects from chemo and the fear of recurrence of cancer.

You see what I mean? You can do this, too. I encourage you to do so as you have time today. Take this Psalm, list His attributes, then take those attributes of His and see how they apply to your life today.

SDG!

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning

2010-07-28T06:16:00.001-04:00

It's another day and I have begun it with my inner alarm clock awakening me long before my heart desired to see the dark part of the morning. You know what I mean? I decided that I would actually use my post today as part of my quiet time and I'm going all out of order and moving right in to "praise and thanksgiving".

It has been awhile since I posted such a list so here goes my most recent thank You's to God:

the friend who, when she got no response from a phone message, decided to put out an APB at all the hospitals to make sure I wasn't a patient in one of them.
Sunday's visit with my brother-in-law from Cumming, GA.
Sunday's nap after the visit with my brother-in-law.
the newest addition to my pottery collection left filled with fruit from a friend who is quite an "overcomer" example.
the sewing machine repairman who tried to save me a trip to his shop and coached me through the repair protocol over the phone. I think I'll have to see him in person anyway.
reading glasses in +1.50 in lots of fashionable colors that I have now begun to wear with my Rx lenses to form my own rendition of chemo bifocals. It's a "lovely" look. It may be time for +1.75. This too shall pass? Please?
the appointment with my eye doctor when chemo is done so I can get the right prescription for my eyes.
the tiniest but most bloom-filled peace lily from a church member/friend who wrote on the card, "Jesus loves you, and so do I."
the bag two friends filled with cards to cheer me up.
opportunities to see funny movies, like Toy Story 3 (cried and cried and laughed) and Despicable Me (funny little minions...one with the wig reminded me of myself sporting Delilah).
plastic spoons and forks when my taste buds have gone heavy metal.
my funny story about trying to apply fake eyelashes (the right one was beautiful...the left, however, looked like I killed a spider on my left lid when it was all said and done).
eyelash glue that does come off when your left lid still wants to stick to its lower half even though the fake eyelashes has been pried off and trashed.
humor from mixed up sayings like, "Of all the things I miss my most...my mind." It should have been, "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." I said this while traveling down the road with Rob one day. It's funnier now than the first time.
anti-nausea meds.
Fruit2o flavored water since my favorite Ruby Red grapefruit juice is a no-no in combination with the new chemo drug. Bummer! But, I am thankful for other beverages, like water. Yes!
upcoming opportunity to see family as we celebrate David's 19th birthday!
you - checking in today.

Hug yourselves! Write out your thankful list today!

The Warrior is a Child

2010-07-27T04:00:00.000-04:00

Back in the glory days of the 80s and the Christian music scene, Twila Paris was one of my faves, right there with Amy Grant.

Lately, I have resurrected from my cd (now on iPod) stash, Twila's The Warrior is a Child. It just seems to resonate with my life right now. This particular link incorporates her Do I Trust You Lord with it.

Two tough chemos down. Two more to go. I'd rather drive by the clinic every other week now than pull my car in to a parking space and unload myself for 3 hours of chemo that will leave unloved reminders that cancer and chemo are not fun.

Don't get me wrong. This thing has never been fun, but for 12 infusions, life was a whole lot more bearable. I would show up perky, cheerful, and confident to face the battle. Then I showed up for the "more aggressive" chemo combo. My doctor did not lie about this. It has been more aggressive. Even at that, though, there are some who do indeed experience far more horrific side effects to this same combo than I have had. Nonetheless, it's not for sissies of any degree. Last time, I submitted to the meds that let me sleep while I was there. I just wanted to melt the time away with no frivolity. I turned sideways on the reclining chair, pulled my blanket up around my face, and listened to some songs on my iPod through tears that couldn't be helped (thanks chemo) and tears that purposefully fell.

This warrior, as tough as she knows her God is, is ultimately His child who gets wounded, down, and afraid. Fortunately, I am not facing this battle alone. He's right here along with my husband, sons, and countless others cheering me on to finish. Thanks to God for all of you.

Cancer is real. So am I.

The Clean Desk

2010-07-20T15:02:00.000-04:00

Remember those couple of posts about cleaning out the files of the kitchen desk? Well, like most of my projects, this one didn't end with just one drawer. It eventually led to cleaning off the top of the desk, then rearranging the pictures under the glass top, then Windexing, then redecorating the top and then redecorating the shelf overhead.

Aaaaahhhhh. My Trapp Sweet Honeysuckle candle is lit and its fragrance is as refreshing as the desk redo where I can now sit and type on my laptop! Yea!

Over the weekend I sewed a cushion for the bench at the desk to tie in the black, reds, greens, and golds of the kitchen. I was a bit rusty, but it'll do.

Let me say that a clean desk aids my efficiency but as I'm learning and sharing with you, it has nothing to do with my sufficiency in Christ. He's my all. He's the One with whom I identify myself...not my desk, not my hats, not a cute haircut down the road. He's my everything.

I hope He's yours, too.

Just 'cause I know you are curious, here's a picture of the "after". I dared not take a picture of the "before".

I will tell you that before the redo, the cubbies were atrocious! I wrote down the dimensions of the cubbies and Rob and I found the boxes at Target that fit perfectly! I love it when that happens.

The two angels perched on my copy of 10,000 Things to Praise God For represent "hope" and "miracles". Behind them is a prayer that we had read at our wedding. We framed it when we were newly married. This weekend, Rob painted the frame and mats black. They were brown (frame) and green/mauve (mats). They were definitely from the 80s.

The bulletin board was a $10 find at Marshall's where I took advantage of some shopportunities, as they like to say. The files I've had a while. Ask my future daughter-in-love and she can attest to the fact that I am known to buy cute office supplies for down the road. These were the result of such an impulse.

The yellow/gold pottery ruffled bowls are old and from Pigeon Forge. The one holding the candle on the right has cute circular paperclips surrounding the candle glass. The other bowl holds my cell phone.

The box on the left was a wedding gift and holds my house chore cards I made and used much more faithfully when the boys were little bitty. On top of that is an Arthur Court tray from a friend and some place card holders with Scripture cards from my sister. There's also a stone from a stone massage I received one time (it was a memento, I did not steal it) and there's also a wooden cross we picked up from Westminster Abbey's gift shop in London.

On the oak leaf hook is my newest apron, a gift from David upon his return from Belize.

Thanks for letting me share my desk with you.

Facing Goliath's Relatives

2010-07-16T09:55:00.000-04:00

While reading in 1 Chronicles 20 this morning, I had a thought about David and Goliath. You see, I somehow shorten David's exposure to and annihilation of one giant in his life as his never having to face any giant ever again.

Yet, upon reading this chapter in Israel's history during the reign of the shepherd-giant slayer-turned king, I was surprised to see that at this point in his life, David had to slay some more of Goliath's Philistine relatives. Granted, he didn't physically slay them himself, his warrior friends did it for him, but had they not, David would have perhaps had to deal with them himself. I have no doubt he was up for the challenge. One of the giants had 24 digits among all his fingers and toes (6 on each appendage). "Scare you me," as we like to say around this house where I am the short one among 6 foot plus men.

Well, this thought of David not being done with the giants just because he killed one cycled me back to the post two days ago regarding the giant battle so many of us deal with regarding perfectionism and measuring up. Just when we think we have slayed the thing, another one comes along to try to taunt us into a frenzy of hopeless despair.

Yesterday alone, I had the opportunity to practice forgiveness three times as three incidents of the giants wanting to taunt me arose. Out of the mouths of giants come ginormous and ignorant comments sometimes.

So, what did I do? I stewed, said a few venting comments out of earshot and then decided I just needed to slay that lingering giant of resentment with forgiveness so the other mouthy giants in my memory would turn tail and pass out. Thud.

As my boys would say, "Boo Yah!" Bwaa haa haa! Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Have a great weekend. It's Friday! Hug yourselves!

Have a Ball With the Gospel While in Belize

2010-07-15T10:07:00.000-04:00

To the left and in the center of the picture is our youngest son, David. He's somewhere in Belize on a mission trip. It gives this mom great comfort to know that he is more than okay. How do I know? He has within his possession a ball. Granted, he did not pack one (that I know of). As long as I've been blessed to know this child (19 years in early August), he's had a knack with a ball (football, baseball, soccer ball, golf ball, tennis ball, volley ball, bouncy ball, etc.).

Although it looks as if he may have taken this particular ball from some Belizean children, I have no doubt that he's following some rules of the game and they are just waiting their turn to capture the ball and show their skills to my child. It's probably break time during vacation Bible school.

No matter the particulars of the picture that I have not a clue about (yet), I can rest assured that my child and his friend to the left are making sure to share the Gospel with children even while playing soccer (futbol).

I am a bit perturbed I didn't post his whereabouts way sooner so you could be praying for him and the others on the week-long mission trip this week. They'll all return around midnight Saturday.

In the meantime, I ask you two things:
1. Would you mind praying for the group and those they minister to, for the Gospel to come alive and the One of the Good News to be real in all their lives (missionaries and the ones to whom they minister).

2. Do you "have a ball" when it comes to sharing the Good News with others? I hope so.

The Picture...It's Time to Tell the Rest of the Story

2010-07-14T04:00:00.001-04:00

Where is the best place to begin a story? Usually the beginning, but for worry of turning you off from reading it at all, I'll hit on the high points up to the climax. You know I can be rather lengthy and from what I understand, the shorter a blog post, the more of a following a blogger will keep.

Oh well. I've blown that a bunch of times and yet, here you are. (Smiling.)

I had a wonderful upbringing. My parents were and are exactly the ones God needed to use to create me. They nurtured and loved and taught me right from wrong, good from bad, polite from not so, and they took me to church. They did a lot more that was good and wonderful, but for the sake of the story, I'll cut that short.

Somewhere along the way, I missed understanding and embracing a very foundational concept in my Christian walk. I wouldn't realize this until just a few years ago. Here it is.

God loves me.

There is more to this concept. He loves me because that's what He does and not because of what I do that's "good" or "bad".

I am His child; that I have not doubted since I received salvation while on a youth retreat to Fernandina Beach, Florida when I was 13 years old (I think that's how old I was...gasp, that I don't remember my re-birth date specifically).

You can probably guess, especially since I have confessed it here on this very blog, that I like to do things right, well, good, methodically, perfectly.

The area of beauty has invaded my mind in an unhealthy way since I was a young married woman and began to put on a few pounds. That would be normal considering my rather sedentary lifestyle. So, to go from a college coed who walked everywhere to being a teacher standing or sitting during the majority of the day messed with my head.

I naively thought that I was unworthy of God's love throughout the years due to my gaining weight. I also associated beauty with being skinny. I made a vow as a young teen that I would never weigh so much that I had to constantly be on a diet. I didn't have this standard for anyone but me. I didn't adhere to my standard. I just gave up on enjoying my life.

So, in that entire paragraph prior to this one is a mouthful and the heart of the whole issue for me. Through a major crisis of understanding God's love for me NOT being based on my beauty standards I had set for myself and "failed" to keep for so long, I finally began to realize that He does indeed love me. HE loves me. He LOVES me. He loves ME. Period. Whether I "measure up" to my standards, or the world's and church's standards that I adopt for measuring up today and tomorrow, doesn't matter to Him. He's looking at my heart, not my exterior. I still can have trouble receiving that and believing it. Don't think I'm over all this yet. I'm better, though. Hallelujah!

Anyway (I've already blown the short blog post thing...so what!), here's another thing that may surprise you.

I'm a picture cutter-outer or throw-away-er depending on if I like the picture of me. I can totally bypass the sweet expression of my family surrounding me in a hug because I will look at me and gasp with agony over the way I look! Ugh! Anybody else do that? Oh, I bet I'm so not alone. This is not a prompt for comments regarding my beauty in today's picture. So, don't feel the need to compliment. I love you for wanting to do that. You're sweet.

I've gotten way better. I haven't tossed an "unacceptable picture" for a couple of years and my audible negative response percentage has decreased tremendously.

Now, the rest of the story. Sigh.

As the spring came into bloom in 2009, I was asked by a local group of women to be their retreat speaker for the fall. At the same time, I was pondering what kind of anniversary present to get for my husband. I kept thinking that when we celebrated 25 years, I would finally be a size "skinny" and have my picture made for him. That would not be until next summer, 2011. I thought two years would be plenty of time to get myself picture-worthy ready for a professional photo of myself.

Somehow, though, that crisis of believing God's love for me was not related to my outer essence would be put to the test.

The ladies' group asked me for a picture of myself, a real picture that they could put on their fliers advertising their event. And, I knew then as if I could have heard it loud and clear that the Spirit within was saying that there was no time like that Spring to take the big step of faith and make a call to a photographer for a photo shoot for the ladies and for my man. I could sense the urgency to have a picture made then and not to wait. It was as if He was saying there was no better time than "now" to have my picture made.

So that's what I did. I phoned a sweet friend who had been in Bible studies with me and who had begun her professional career as a photographer recently. I knew she would understand if I burst into tears or self-combusted while she took prayerful pictures of me in a local garden. I knew she would pray for me before I got there and while there, too. She did. I did.

And so, when I went for the shoot on a really hot day in May, I prayed that God would take pictures of me that day so that when I looked at the proofs I would see me as He does: His daughter, fearfully and wonderfully made. I prayed that I would radiate His love for me in my expressions, stances, poses, and posture. I prayed that I would portray a God-confidence that I couldn't possibly muster in and of myself.

Was that a tall order? For me, yes.
Did the pictures turn out like I had prayed? For the most part, yes. There were still some I didn't care for, but there were still plenty left that showed me what I needed to see...God loves me and I JoY in that.

And so, when I gave my husband the opportunity to pick and choose the photos HE wanted of me, I said not a word of negativity about myself. I just watched as he had tears of JoY knowing what I had finally done, willingly. He knew what a big step it all was.

So, that is the very abbreviated "Reader's Digest" version of this story that could fill a book with chapters. Hmmmm.

My prayer is that it blesses someone out there who needed to read this today because you have been beating yourself up far too long based on your outer appearance and you have not been able to live a life of abundance and freedom because of this standard you have set and not measured up to for this summer or your life! Let's move on.

GOD loves you. God LOVES you. God loves YOU.

I didn't know then what was coming my way, and I am so glad I heard clearly from the ladies and the Spirit that they all needed a picture of me. (Smile.)

If you do struggle with this issue of measuring up whether it's related to your appearance or something else, I must recommend Debbie Alsdorf's book, Deeper: Living in the Reality of God's Love.

The Picture (Teaser)

2010-07-13T09:10:00.000-04:00

In a post written July 7, I commented on tossing the weight loss junk from my desk drawer. I had been hanging onto it for quite some time and it had begun to haunt me again. That post is here, if you missed it and want to go back and read it.

That day's writing prompted me to think it is time to share with you a very important story that is very real and very true regarding yours truly in an area that I think probably a lot of us women suffer through silently at times and not so much at others.

Sometime tomorrow, that post will finally appear. Today's the day I write it. Your prayers for my preparation are greatly appreciated. Stay tuned.

The Weekend Flew By

2010-07-12T10:05:00.001-04:00

I have begun the new chemo combo. I have learned it is not the same as the other 12 I've had. My doctor said it would be different and more aggressive than the others I've had since March. He knew of what he spoke. I doubted, or perhaps, hoped, he would be wrong. Friday, I ventured back to my doctor for a serious Neulasta shot to keep my bone marrow cranked up and running. By Saturday morning, I knew my marrow had plummeted and fatigue had set in.

Anyway, the first dose has come and gone and I slept through most of the weekend. I would awaken for the occasional meal and medicine to curb the effects. The meds worked, the meals were not desired, but necessary.

After awaking Saturday morning at 7, I decided that I was ready for a small snooze at 10:30. Imagine my surprise when Rob woke me up at what I thought was a little while later only to find out that it was already 4:45 PM! I slept through lunch! I slept through daytime life! I slept through thunderstorms and before that, the boys swimming and splashing about! ZZzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I may be about to sleep through this post! Not really.

Today is a better day and I can tell the bone marrow shot is working due to the fact that I even care to sit in front of the computer screen.

Small blessings. I'm learning to appreciate them all over again.

Hugs to you all!

The File Named, "After BC"

2010-07-09T04:00:00.006-04:00

Believe it or not I have yet another writing idea from my desk organization. I guess you could say I have a file full of ideas. You'll understand why once you're finished reading.

I like pretty folders, stationery, purses, shoes...I keep the first three on/in the desk. The fourth? On my feet, silly!

Anyway, I had purchased a really elegant looking portable fabric file tote a couple of years ago and had it positioned on my desk. Over time, it grew too full and the desk drawers had no more file storage capacity, hence the great paper purge. I managed to move all the "stuff" from the file tote into pretty files which are now in a file drawer (I can't see their loveliness, though. Oh well.)

In culling out papers and old ugly file folders I decided to create a file for life AFTER BC! Indeed, that is the name on the folder and it has prime positioning in the drawer since it starts with "A". In that file, I tucked away things that I am looking forward to doing when all the chemo, surgery, recovery, and radiation is complete. I have cute haircut ideas, trips I'd like to take, and decorating ideas.

Okay, my planning nature is hard to totally ignore, but I call this more of a dream folder, not firm plans to feel pressured to keep. There is something cathartic to having this folder, and I think it's due to seeing

HOPE.

Hope has been around all along, but God is renewing it for me. Hallelujah!

According to Romans 5:5, hope that comes after some testing, perseverance, and character development, does not disappoint. I love that. Ultimately, the God of all hope, pours out more hope. His storehouses are full of hope. Rejoice!

Living Moment by Moment

2010-07-08T04:00:00.001-04:00

"The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." - Proverbs 16:9 (NASB)

I am a planner. I used to be better at it. I have been known to be obsessed with it. By obsessed I mean that I would think through the what-ifs of the various scenarios and have a plan in place to cover my bases. If something were to happen for which I was not prepared, oh dear, how devastated I could get for not being ready for the unexpected.

I think planning ahead and all that is good. Going over the top with it? Not so much. Why? I have learned that there are just some things that I cannot plan for and that if I try to plan through to my personal best will lead to frustration for me and those enduring my futile attempt at perfectionism. I think about the one or two camping trips our family has taken and the amount of "what if" stuff I took and never needed. BUT, had we needed it, I would have been prepared! Aaaaah.

Perhaps that is what being a control freak is all about? Yes.

In yesterday's post I briefly (yes, it was brief compared to all I could have said) commented on emptying my desk drawers of unnecessary papers. I saw evidence of tangible reminders of ways I have tried to control various areas of my life.

It amazes me what God taught me in the moments of cleaning out one desk in the kitchen. God is showing me one more thing:

Amy, you can plan, plan, plan, all you want. But, ultimately, God has a divine path for you to follow and for which you cannot plan or control, because...He is in control.

I like calendars and have searched 24 years to find the "perfect" one to help me stay organized and well-planned. I finally found one just for this year that I have so enjoyed using. It's not bulky, it has the week's calendar on one side and a lined page facing it. It secures with a black elastic strap. It's small enough (and not bulky at all) to fit in my purse and even has a pocket in the back for storing small treasures. I was so excited when I found it and looked forward to planning all kinds of wonderful things that would fill its pages. I knew God would bring me good things to enjoy throughout the coming year that I could look back on with fond memories over the good times written within its pages as events would come and then go.

Funny how things happen, huh?

All things considered, I know this calendar will be a wonderful one. Within its pages will be accounts of numerous doctors' visits, scans, tests, mammograms, chemo appointments, surgery date(s?), and radiation appointments that will all remind me of God's faithfulness and healing. All were things I could not have dreamed were going to fill in the blank spaces of my new calendar.

I didn't plan for them. I could not have known.

Also in this calendar are the birthdays of family and friends that I wrote on their right spots on my birthday (seems to be a yearly habit), David's graduation, the boys' off-to-school move-in dates, mine and Rob's 24th anniversary, the Bible studies' dates with lunches and dinner written in. These were all dates of things I anticipated and some of which I planned. I planned. I planned.

And so, with some emotions, I am learning how important it is to give up the baggage of planning ahead to the degree I have attempted all my life.

I am back in school and the divine Teacher has just handed me His syllabus for the year so I'll know what to expect and know all my due dates.

All it says is, "Teacher - Jesus Christ. Assignment to be given one day at a time. Today's assignment - Do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Enough said.

A Cathartic Exercise: Shredding the Past

2010-07-07T04:00:00.000-04:00

I cleaned out and straightened up the kitchen desk early last week. I had an odd burst of organizing energy. Perhaps I had grown weary of seeing the small piles, the toteable fabric file that had old papers in it and the overstuffed recipe folders filled with lots of tested and untested recipes in no order.

I had let things get out of hand, so I took my hands and put them to use. Where chaos reigned, order has been restored. Aaaaah.

While doing this purge of paper piles and drawer debris, I learned some things. They are the takeaways from the task.

One day, old school calendars, handbooks, parent night handouts, and each semester's computerized report cards can go to the recycle bin or paper shredder along with the memories of what I thought were urgent school progress prayers prayed admittedly, with tossing doubt rather than firm faith.

The takeaway? Young mother who worries about your child's success or failure to the point of not enjoying their childhood with them between August-May each year, lighten up. No amount of worry contributes to their college admittance, IF God even has college planned for him/her.

Sometimes, letting go of all the old paperwork that chronicles your success, failure, attempts, and how-tos at keeping up with the goals the latest weight loss program suggests for you, can give you the quickest result of weight loss in the shortest amount of time. I promise you that after I emptied out the drawer with the last joining's notebooks, etc. I lost 10 pounds of weight in paper alone in 15 seconds. On top of all that, I think I lost a lot of weight in mental anguish and self-defeat I had been trying to tote around. I opened the drawer, pulled it out, and just dumped its contents in the garbage and said, "Now's not the time for me to hang onto you. You make me feel guilty and are a source of constant self-berating every time I open you and see what you have in store. Bye!" Wow, this one is so hard. If you know me, you know this has been a serious struggle for me to walk through and I have kept it from you in writing a long time. Some of you will want to write a comment telling me I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. You're right, but please don't. That's not my purpose for divulging this. For the sake of "saying" this and being real with you, I ask you to refrain from complimenting my "beauty" because I sense a huge compulsion for the sake of somebody who has ventured here today. I must tell you, though, this is one of THE biggest ways the enemy gets in my head and does a serious number on me through comparing myself with others (real and air-brushed). I am not alone in this epidemic.

So, the takeaway? Let go of the past's successes and/or failures that have led up to today. Move forward focusing on God. (This one thing reminds me of another post I need to write. So, stay tuned to more on this subject. I've typed the title on a blog draft so I won't forget it.) I am still learning how to let go of the past successes and failures. I do not have that down at all. I hope I will one day, sooner rather than later.

Those were probably the most profound takeaways from the afternoon's organizing.

It's nice to be back on the blog. Some of you might have been concerned that I have not been well with the chemo, but I have just not had things to write and the break did me some good. Plus, we had a good several days in the cool mountain air (where internet is not handy) and I have come home refreshed and with a few writing ideas. I will start the last four rounds of a new chemo combo this week. This combo will conclude in August. I have heard some things of what to anticipate but because this is a new combo for me, I am not going in with preconceived notions. I do greatly covet your prayers for God's continued sustaining of my body to endure what lies ahead. God goes before me. He's aware. He's prepared. I plan to take the next step and that is to just show up for chemo once again!

Hug yourselves!

Music and Make-Up

2010-06-28T04:00:00.006-04:00

The flowers were an anniversary gift from Rob's parents.

My sister sent me yet another cute cap. It's coral, summery, and a creation of hers from several different patterns. She's just too smart with this.

I wore it Friday.

Before I donned it for my outing, I had to spend some time in front of the sink and mirror applying my glamor (that's what my boys called my makeup when they were little).

Most days when I am in process with my glamor, I listen to my music on a tiny speaker set with my iPod attached. I keep it on the bathroom counter.

I have decided that it's as vital to my glamor application as my mirror. No joke.

Most days I end up being so charged up for the day because of the music that it sends me out the door hope-filled and more in love with God.

Such was the case Friday. I was listening to "He's God" sung by the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir and had such time of worship that there was no way to apply concealer. It would have washed off. It was a glorious time of worship. I had to listen to it three times. It was THAT good! The lyrics just speak to the core of my very soul. When I consider what He has done for me not just in the last months but from the foundation of the world what He's done for me in Jesus...oh my goodness, and just because He IS GOD! God, I worship You again typing this out. You astound me! I love You with all my heart Lord God! Thank You, thank You, thank You!

So, if you don't incorporate worship music as part of your makeup routine, I highly recommend it. I'm going to go press "play" again. SDG (Soli Deo Gloria = to God alone be the glory)!

What's your favorite worship song these days?

Twenty-four Years

2010-06-21T04:00:00.001-04:00

I have loved him a long time.

Rob and I celebrate 24 years of marriage today.

I cannot imagine life without him.

How he can put up with me at times is beyond me. God shows me often what unconditional love, grace, mercy, and acceptance look like by my husband's unwavering commitment to me in all the aforementioned attributes he exhibits and so many more.

Who else would tell me within the last week as I'm standing in front of the bathroom mirror in my outfit for the day but nothing on my head yet, while putting mascara on my remaining eyelashes, that I am beautiful (even though I have argued with him over that so often in the past, just not so much since March)? I said, "Thank you," this time and tried not to cry.

Who else would say that the sound of my breathing while I fall into a heavy sleep at the end of the day sounded wonderful?

Who else can finish my sentences when he knows the coming words and also knows to be silent while I struggle to find the words these days to complete my own sentences?

Who else knows that my silence in the car means I need a reassuring pat of my hand with a lingering hold because my thoughts are too heavy to speak?

Who else would put the hairdryer on cold air and blow my "hair" just so I can cool off from a chemo-induced hot flash?

Who else would work hard so I could live my dream of being a stay-at-home wife and mother?

Who else would I lip sync, complete with hand motions, in the car for just to hear his laugh and watch his eyes sparkle over my silliness?

Who else would love my sons as much as I do and enjoy each phase of parenting them as much as I have?

Who else?

No one, except the man who I stood with and promised to love and honor in sickness, health, poverty, and wealth until death do us part.

So much can happen in 24 years. Through it all, God has grown us up and grown us together in Him.

I am so thankful for God's gift in my husband.

Jesus Cleanses the Temple

2010-06-18T06:59:00.000-04:00

While going through this journey with cancer, I have been more hungry for time in the Word. It's a huge craving that just doesn't get satisfied. It's good, though, no matter the time I have. At other times, I'll be driving down the road and get a reminder of a passage I haven't perused in a while.

Such was the case last week. I was in the car and was reminded of the story of Jesus driving out the money changers and their animals/birds in the Temple in Jerusalem. This account is recorded in all of the Gospels (Matthew 21:12-17; Mark 11:15-19; Luke 19:45-48; and John 2:13-21).

In my chemo pre-meds, I get steroids. They are a help, but they also awaken me a bit early the next morning (4:00 a.m.) So, I've had some quality time in the Word and prayer already today and have loved every minute of it.

After reading all accounts this morning, I will focus on what I read and saw, how it spoke to me, and then I will ask you a question.

What I saw in this passage:

I am a visual person/learner. As I read this I pictured Jesus (God incarnate) as a man going to a place that was built for the purpose of His people meeting with God, praying to Him, and worshiping Him through sacrifices and offerings as a set apart nation of Israel. Jesus knows the Temple had a purpose.

Jesus sees through the hearts of the money changers who are selling their animals and birds to those who have a need. They are selling them right there in the Temple. The place of worship He sees has become a place of doing business. Jesus grows angry with a righteous kind of anger. Jesus is not pleased with the system in place that has converted this house of prayer into a den of thieves. His anger swells to the point he pours out the money from their jars, overturns the tables, and drives out the animals and the sellers from the courts of the Temple. He made a corded whip while there and used it to get his point across. He cleansed the Temple.

His disciples remembered a verse from Psalm 60 that said, "Zeal for Your house has eaten me up." (ESV)

How it spoke to me:

As believers in Jesus Christ, we can see the tie-in to the Temple. Jesus even refers to His body in this account as the Temple that will be raised in three days after it's destroyed. The leaders don't get it then, but some will later.

We read in 1 Corinthians 6:19, "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?" (NASB, emphasis mine.)

Every time I get my chemo, I have at least 4 cords coming into one line that pumps the chemo into my port in my chest and then into my body. When I read this, I had not really paid attention to the whip that Jesus made out of cords, but when I reread it this morning, I got chills picturing Jesus using these cords to get into my body and drive out the cancer "merchants" who had no business in His temple (my body).

Remember how I cannot even feel the tumor anymore? It was a large and solid mass. It was aggressive in its growth. It was a presence that wanted to rob me of my very life. I sense Jesus saying to it, "It is not so! This will not happen! Get out! You have no business here!" He is cleansing my temple.

He has a continuing purpose for me. I can walk in a God-confidence that helps me look up to Him and not down at a gone lump that will not rob me.

I type with tears of joy and not because I awoke so early to the hoot owl in the woods outside my window. I awoke early because I had an appointment with God this morning and He has taught me, and shown me His goodness and faithfulness AGAIN, and I am overcome by His love for me!

I wish you were here.

Now, for you, questions:

Are you a committed believer in Christ?
Are you aware of your temple belonging to Him? Only those with His indwelling Spirit are those who are His.
Do you know the temple creator as the healer?
What in your life is a "merchant" set to rob you of your life in Christ? Is it disbelief, embracing lots of religious beliefs but not the eternal life-giving One?
Do you know He loves you with an everlasting love and that He died for you, your sins, and your diseases (Psalm 103:3; Isaiah 53:4-5).

How does this passage in John minister to you in your life today?

Buzzzzzzzzz!

2010-06-15T04:00:00.006-04:00

World Cup soccer is on.

Two of three guys in the house watch it when they can. I hear it. The droning neverending buzzzzzz of fans' noisemakers has bothered me. I find it distracting and aggravating. I prefer to not be around it.

I try to ignore the games when I come through the room and hear what sounds like giant mosquitoes about to lift our house from its foundation.

Yet, there is some application.

Scenario 1: How many times have I ever asked Rob or the boys to do something or have tried to be part of a conversation only to find out that it appears as if no one can hear me? I hear myself speaking, but it's as if I am on mute due to the lack of promptness to complete the task requested or because others seem to pay no attention to me? Perhaps their reaction is prompted by my demands and/or lack of patience with them. Buzzzzzzzzz.

Scenario 2: When I feel a bout of negative talk moving in my thoughts and begin to take flight out of my mouth, I also notice that the men around the house abandon the room or stay buried in the paper, book, or tv channel. To them, I have become what those soccer noisemakers have become to me, an annoying background noise. Buzzzzzzzz.

Do you know what I do next? I don't let it bother me...

Are you paying attention? If you are, then ignore that lack of being bothered by their acknowledgment. It does bother me. I can't figure out why they don't seem to enjoy being around me...a wonderful wife and mother, for goodness' sake! Buzzzzzzz.

The scenario usually plays out with my saying the phrase again, my saying aloud the response I hoped to get, or my getting peeved. Buzzzzzzzz.

I read recently about a group of women who were fasting from negative, manipulative, and hurtful words. Well, hush my mouth. Can such a thing be possible for this one?

Admittedly, I am not part of that committed group. I should give it a try. How would you do at this?

Look at the Word from Proverbs 27:15 where it says,

"A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike."

It also says in Proverbs 19:15,

"A foolish son is destruction to his father, and the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping."

A contentious woman is one who is argumentative. I would also say that an argumentative woman prompts the same acid production in the stomachs of those around her as those who whine, complain, want to have the last word, strive to always be right (even if we're not), and so on. Sometimes, far too often, I am like a slow drip that is just plain annoying due to the plop, plop, plop, plop of annoying stuff flowing from my mouth. Will somebody shut it off? I know that must be what others think when they are exposed to such. I have thought that before and probably uttered negativity as a result and then probably didn't shut my faucet for a while after it started. Buzzzzzzzz.

Okay, not probably. It's a fact. I have been all of the above and sometimes, all at the same time. I wish it were not so.

If too many words come out of my mouth that spur the silence of unconcern of others around me, then perhaps I have become that buzzzzzz in the background...just another annoying noise.

What say you?

Stuck in Sobering "Between"

2010-06-14T04:00:00.001-04:00

Have you ever realized that you are not as young as you once were? I don't like it when this happens. It happened just yesterday. Ugh.

When I was younger, I would find a way to somehow identify with the younger star of a movie. I was younger, she was younger, it was an easy thing to do. If she was close to my age, I noted her wardrobe, her makeup, her hair style, etc. I would look at the older women (older than I was) in the movie naively thinking that relating to them in reality was a long time away.

It's not as long away as I have thought.

Yesterday, Rob and I went to see Letters to Juliet. The story was sweet and the two main actresses played their respective roles well. Amanda Seyfried played the younger Sophie. Vanessa Redgrave played the "more mature" Claire.

However, for the first time, I realized that I am closer in "season of life" experiences to the character played by Vanessa Redgrave. When I realized it, I wanted to faint.

It's sobering to realize this. A battle ensues.

My heart wanted to follow the storyline of the younger character as though I were young and could relate to her. My mind obviously woke my heart up to the fact that I am not. Yet, I was not comfortable thinking about being a grandmother with my grandchild driving me around Italy in search of my true love not seen for 50 years. I did the math. Vanessa was portraying a 65-year-old. Amanda's character was probably 25, give or take a couple of years. I am in the middle of the two, one year closer to Vanessa's Claire. Thankfully, too, I was sitting in the theater right next to my true love. I won't have to go trekking about Italy in search of him.

It's not the depth you may have hoped for in a post, but I'm just sharing some of my recent thoughts from time spent in the movie theater between bites of popcorn.

How do you handle the realization that you are not as young as you think you should be?

Catsup and Lettuce

2010-06-11T04:00:00.003-04:00

Catsup

You may need to know where I am in the chemo process. So, it's time for me to help you "catsup" (catch up).

Yesterday I began month four of chemo. I have three more months; that's six more doses. Two more on this regimen and then in July I begin another combo every other week. Now I'm on three weeks and have the fourth off for good behavior. Ha! I'll finish chemo after the boys go off to their respective universities for the fall. One will go for his last semester of undergraduate studies and the other will be going for his first. I'm working on the necessities list for the latter so I can secure those items on days I feel good (most days). Hallelujah for that, right?

God, through His power and His provision (of chemo and my doctor), is melting the tumor that first felt like a cell phone lodged in my upper chest. When I went for my monthly visit Tuesday, he said it felt like it had gone away. Stop reading right now and do a dance with your arms in the air, thanking God! Go for it! I'm doing it! Hallelujah for that!

As you may remember, I think I said it here on another post, my doctor increased my chemo doses amounts at the beginning of month three. My body responded in the way he had hoped with low blood counts. As a result of that, my side effects were more significant. I won't go into the details but I will share with you the blessings and I hope you like them.

I haven't had to shave for three months.
I have a new appreciation for having a shaved head, topped with a cold wet paper towel, standing under the ceiling fan while no one's looking, during momentary flashes of heat.
More time to sit and be still in my chair has been a good thing. Forced sitting while soaking my feet and reading is good.

Lettuce

"Lettuce" is a reminder of the need for prayer. I ask you to continue praying for me AND I also say to all of us, "Let us" be in prayer for all those who are going through their journey with cancer. Since I didn't get permission to put their names out in cyberspace, I am going to put their initials below and ask you (and me) to pray for each one. Not all have the same cancer nor the same protocol of treatment. Here goes:

JM
DS
CM
RU
MS
V
H
KW
M
another M
C
BW
JG
Mrs. C
S

Those are letters that represent lives and families and friends all walking through it with them. Let us be diligent to pray for them all.

For comments today, leave the initials of those you know going through cancer. I'll post them as I check in throughout the day. Just initials, please. Thanks!

Peace Child

2010-06-09T04:00:00.000-04:00

As you can guess, summer posts are a bit more sporadic and for lots of reasons. You know one of them so I won't bore you with that one, but here are a couple more reasons:

being in a place that has no internet
forgetting your laptop charger so that you feel compelled to just not go to a WiFi hotspot for fear you'll log in to Facebook and eat up your battery life (I could, you know) before you blog
writer's block
procrastination
spending the day seeing a doctor, shopping, planning, doing laundry, cooking (a combo of those things)
reading a book you can't put down
being in a car for four hours coming and going.

All of those are the reasons I didn't blog Monday or Tuesday or pre-blog on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

I'll tell you that the second to the last one is the reason I didn't budge much from my chair over the weekend.

A friend loaned me an autobiography by Don Richardson, missionary to the Sawi tribe of cannibals/headhunters in the Netherlands, New Guinea in the 60s-70s. That's what the geographical location was called then. The book is the title of today's post.

It was a most fascinating story and I was so uplifted by this man's call from God, his wife's call to the same (that's how they met), their obedience to God, their trust of His plan for them to go to a tribe that could have killed them as soon as they docked their boat, the risks to life and health they were glad to endure so that this small part of the world could understand the ultimate sacrifice of the ultimate Peace Child on their behalf, and on I could write.

Their ability to write out a language for these people so they could eventually translate the Bible for them to read (after they taught them how to read) was something I just take for granted. This couple had to live among these people who were easily 2000+ years behind them in their lack of understanding of the world and people beyond their jungle home. Their children were raised among these people. One was born there! I'm screaming with fear!

It just boggles my mind.

Throughout the book, Don Richardson testifies over and over to God's redemptive analogies among the people of this ancient civilization as Don would try to find a way to convey God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit and salvation to those who were drawn to pleasing the demons and spirits for fear of retribution from them if they displeased them.

It's an amazing story and Don's heart is so tender to protecting those who could so easily be exploited by others whose interests were not for the natives' eternal good. His sense of urgency to be helpful to them in order to protect them from encroaching society and man's harm was so refreshing.

It made me thankful for those who have been called and willing to further His kingdom.

I have located the book here and here; while doing so, I found it has been made into a dvd.

Yes, I am reading my summer reading book 2 but remember, I'm pacing myself.

What biographies/autobiographies have been memorable and inspiring to you?

Summer Reading Book 2

2010-06-04T04:00:00.000-04:00

It's time to read my second book for the summer. The choice this time is, Come Closer: A Call to Life, Love, & Breakfast on the Beach, by Jane Rubietta.

I have to admit that I do judge a book by its cover, literally. In this case, the book was a gift and I would have chosen it anyway because the cover is so appealing. It's a picture of the beach and ocean through a window...the beach as I prefer it with beautiful blue water and calm tiny waves. On the beach is a boat, a towel, and a basket. It looks inviting. I am thinking that it's a day with the temperature in the high 70's. That's my preferred temp at the beach.

See the picture? The cover inspired me to take a photo of the book next to a beautiful arrangement of hydrangeas a friend brought by. I even donned my periwinkle blue Victoria bucket hat for the photo! I let the flowers take center stage...this time! (Chuckling smile.)

As with most books worth spending your time reading, it's the inside that matters more than the cover.

The author uses the book to draw the reader into 15 of Jesus' invitations from the Gospels in four parts of the book: life abundance, love relationships, breakfast food is cure for the soul, and homecoming heaven.

I relish the thought of abundant life full like those hydrangeas over there. Don't you? It's available! All of Jesus' invitations are not empty words and I think we so often don't take them or Him seriously. His words are abundantly powerful even in their simplicity yet we can try to complicate and/or misconstrue them. So, I am looking forward to going back to the basics and seeing Jesus afresh.

The book's introduction conveys the author's purpose for each chapter's section as well as some suggestions for working through each chapter.

I tend to read some books with the Evelyn Wood School of Speed Reading mentality. Hurry up and finish, already! Then, when I put it down, I can't remember much of what I read. So, I intend to take my time and the author's suggestions and savor Christ's invitations.

Now, I have to tell you that the author herself will be in Columbus, GA this November 4, 2010 for St. Luke United Methodist Church's annual women's dinner. If you would like to find out more about Jane Rubietta, you can click here.

So, I encourage you to "come to the beach" with me and pay attention to Jesus' invitations in a new way. Put on your flip flops, press "play" on your ocean sounds cd (yes, I have one), take a whiff of your coconut sunscreen (SPF 45 over here), grab your morning cup o' joe and savor His attention as He draws you closer to the boat. Oh yeah, don't forget your hat!

Who Is With You?

2010-06-03T04:00:00.001-04:00

Today's post title comes from a friend who emailed this question while I was undergoing chemo last week. Rob was with David in Auburn while I drove home for the infusion then returned to Auburn.

Here was my answer to her question. I think you'll like it.

"Robert is here with me...

and God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit."

It made me pause when she first asked it. My answer was one person, my oldest son. But then, I had to realize that the Trinity was present. I take comfort in that. I had to put in in writing. I sometimes act and think like I'm all alone on this planet and in these circumstances. Honestly, there are moments when I do feel abandoned. I know what the Bible says, but I have difficult moments that challenge me on this truth. I do come around and remember this.

What about you? In your moments of life, good and not so wonderful, is the Holy Who recognizable to you? I hope so.

I am understanding more than ever chemo's toll on the body. I feel like I have aged 20 years in a week. This is chemo reality. It's poison with a purpose. I don't think I really grasped that so well until this week.

BUT, I am still thankful for the long term benefits of chemo and God's healing.

AND, I am thankful that my journey with chemo and cancer has an end. I am sobered by the reality of those who will endure this regimen far longer than I will and who have already endured longer than I will.

Yesterday, I found a link that offered so much hope! There are years to go before it's officially approved (and I pray it is approved), but there are wonderful results (present in lab rats) for a potential vaccine that could prevent breast cancer! Here's the link.

Surprised in Auburn

2010-05-28T04:00:00.004-04:00

Well, as Rob and I were attending our first parent meeting for orientation along with 646 other parents on Wednesday, I just couldn't focus. I've been battling the lovely summer runny nose and cough. My nose was more red than the classic red Vera Bradley bag I toted into the hotel room with more toiletries and meds than clothes and hats. Ha! Can you say, "Raw"?

As one father entered the large conference room after the rest of us were seated (and I was fanning), I couldn't help but think how much he looked like my high school friend's husband. They live in Atlanta. Then he seemed to disappear and I thought no more of him as I tried to figure a way to stuff a tissue in each nostril and still breathe and drink lemonade. Not possible, I have decided AND the tissue could dip into the lemonade or fall into it. I would embarrass even myself if that happened. (Smiling.)

As it turns out, my friend and her husband (that makes him my friend, too) ARE here with their first of four to fly out of their nest. I did not see her then, but from afar at another session yesterday morning. I was still sipping lemonade (not the same one) but my nose drips had subsided greatly. Hallelujah!

Anyway, that was one surprise.

But of all the surprises we have had, I have been most surprised by the child that I birthed as I have heard of his time here via Rob. Remember, I had to drive home to Columbus for chemo yesterday. After I returned to Auburn, Rob and I went to dinner where he regaled me with his observations of and conversations with David during my six-hour absence.

Suffice it to say that maybe this hovering eagle mama needed to fly out of the nest to give her eaglet some time and room to spread his wings in my absence because the things Rob heard and saw are the things you HOPE for. He took notes at sessions with a nice Moleskine notebook he purchased and packed for this trip, signed up for a learning community, looked into study help sessions, got necessary ID cards, knows when to order important things (like football tickets and a parking pass), asked questions while in small groups and even informed his dad that he need not ask questions without first asking David if he had already found that information out (to save the group time and David embarrassment)!

Wow!

So, with steroids flowing, my tummy feeling happy, some energy restored, fewer tissues making their way to my raw and runny nose, and apprehension that existed prior to chemo gone as a plan was put in place to hopefully give me a better weekend this time, upon my return to Auburn, Rob and I dined at Amsterdam Cafe where we had the hummus appetizer. Rob had the seafood special and I ordered the vegan special of panko/parmesan eggplant over FRESH tomato linguine. We shared key lime pie and had decaf coffee and water.

Today was a GREAT DAY!

Another surprise...my white blood counts are low. I will be getting neupogen shots for the next three days to build up my bone marrow. Remember those "D's" for which we were praying? Well, I got them. The proof the doctor needed on paper is what he got. So, pray for my bones. I understand the shots will cause me to have pain in my bones (which will mean the marrow is doing its job, which is good). If you happen to see me out (which may not be much) please don't hug me or shake my hand. I must be germ free! That's hard for this hug lover. (Frowning.)

Speaking of potential pain in the bones, pray I'm not a pain in the buns for my family as I take a new step in the adventure.

So, hug yourselves and thank you for stopping in. Have a wonderful weekend!

Find five things for which to thank God. Starting.....NOW! GO! Leave a comment!

Heading Off to Camp War Eagle

2010-05-26T04:00:00.001-04:00

Today greets me with the excitement of a college freshman embarking on their first stay-over at their chosen college. Nothing sounds more delightful than loading up the two allotted bags (one of which is bedding and towels) and a backpack for two and a half days of attending orientation sessions to acquaint oneself with other incoming freshman, share a room with a stranger of the same age, walk around a college campus in a t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops, and meet with an assigned adviser to make your first semester's class schedule. Aaaaah!

Okay, I admit, I was excited once about my college orientation experience. Today, Rob and I pack our bags along with David to attend orientation at Auburn University from the parents' perspective for us. I don't remember my parents doing this. I think back then, the student came and there were no sessions for parents. Mother dropped me off and came back to pick me up the day of my advising appointment (the day I committed to Vocational Home Economics Education). That was such an exciting day, but I am a nerd who happens to get excited over stuff like confirmation of a major and class schedules, books, notebooks, and pens.

On my journey this time however, I have a feeling I will be looking for AC units and opting out of leisurely strolls with my boyfriend/husband while trekking from one parent session to the next. I'm already wondering if I can hitch a ride on a golf cart (will they have those available?). I've looked at the schedule and I am glad it's got an earlier bedtime than the students' schedule. I'm glad, too, that I know my roommate this time. I married him. My roommate at my own Auburn student orientation was someone I only saw briefly and would not have recognized if we had run into each other the first day of class.

In keeping with the attitude of gratitude, I am thankful that I feel up to going, that Auburn is a short drive away (even if we have to pay out of state tuition...donations welcome!), that David's desire of his heart to go to Auburn came to pass, and that I can participate in this with him! I am thankful, too, to revisit some sights on that campus like where Rob proposed. Sweet!

It's hard to believe that a year ago we were pulling out of the driveway to take David on a tour of several college campuses (Berry, Shorter, Samford, Auburn). Who knew that a year later we'd go back to his # 1 pick for orientation?!

(Note to self: be sure to pack the deo for the B.O., bottles of water, lemonade packets, green tea, kleenex, hats, Delilah, cool clothes, positive attitude, patience, Bible, laptop, hand sanitizer, sunscreen...)

Just When You Plan to Be Thankful, You Prefer to Whine...

2010-05-25T04:00:00.008-04:00

I have to confess to you that this past weekend was not the wonderful weekend I had wanted. The upped chemo doses are bringing on some of the side effects I had been able to avoid up until now. How fitting they should hit the exact weekend I concluded that book on gratitude. Hmmm. Bad timing? I think not.

Like Saturday's test siren, this is a test for me, too. Will I whine or will I dine at the thanksgiving table?

I will choose curtain B. Behind curtain B is...gratitude! That's right, folks. Step up a bit closer and get the full effect of thankfulness even in the midst of the icky-ews.

I am thankful for:
1. Fresh water and green tea
2. Zofran (anti-nausea meds)
3. Air conditioning and permission to set the thermostat lower at night (I need to be chilly)
4. Good naps
5. Beans, my co-nap taker dachshund (she sleeps atop my hip if I'm on the sofa)
6. Dinners from others and Zaxby's around the corner
7. Paper towels, toilet tissue, and facial tissue
8. Reading glasses
9. Flowers from my parents (some type of pink blooming succulent)
10. The Ward men (who are being very patient with me)

That may seem like an odd assortment of thankful shout outs, but over the course of this weekend, these are the stand outs that deserve shout outs.

Take that icky-ews! You may have wanted me to succumb to self-pity, but no! Today, I choose gratitude.

Thank You Notes

2010-05-24T04:00:00.004-04:00

Summer reading book #1 is done! I finished Nancy Leigh DeMoss's Choosing Gratitude: Journey to Joy on Friday. I will have to go back and read it again as it was so rich. Now, I'm completing the 30-day portion in the back as part of my daily quiet time.

It was really good and I highly recommend you read it. She puts gratitude/thankfulness into a perspective that has been dismissed through the years. It motivated me to whip out those thank you notes I had been piling up in list form these last two weeks. I had begun working on them while at chemo Thursday, but ran out of stationery. So, once home and near a stash of writing paper, I resumed the writing of thanks.

I had a conversation with David about it, too. He graduated two Sundays ago and the dining room table displays gifts from friends and family. I have been nudging him to make more progress on his thank you notes. He's writing a few at a time and that is fine. But, we have seen several of his with notes from the giver requesting he not send them a thank you note.

This is a quandary for me. It's not for David, though. He takes that as an even better gift; no thank you note to write!

After reading one of the chapters in that book I was so convicted about not consistently expressing gratitude to people that I had to tell David that he must write thank you's to everyone...even those who don't want the note. The chapter's gist was that everything we receive from others ultimately comes from God's provision as a blessing to us and that it is good and right to express thank you's to people as a way of expressing thanks to God, too.

The book gives examples of the differences one thank you note made in people's lives. Now, I don't believe for one second that my thank you's nor David's will minister to someone's soul as the examples cited in Nancy's book, but I do believe that it is a command of God in His Word that we do give thanks in life and ministry and prayer, to Him and to others, for Him and for others, as well as for His gifts through Him and through others.

As part of the reading during the 30 days, I read Colossians and had never realized that in every chapter of that epistle, there is something about thankfulness in a variety of contexts and applications.

To be thankful and expressive of thanks is a way of combating bitterness, selfishness, and whining. That alone is enough to encourage me to get out a piece of paper and take note of ways to thank Him each day.

What about you? How are you in expressing thanks to God and others? Do you have a note to write? Get on it and be thankful for the means to buy that pen and paper. : )

Summer Reading Book 1

2010-05-21T04:00:00.005-04:00

I bought this book last year shortly after its release. I got as far as the introduction and put it aside due to other more urgent things, like preparing for Bible study and taking care of my family. I don't often make it through too many books at a quick pace. So, I like to catch up during the summer months.

After my sister informed me she had picked up a copy to read, I sent her a quick email letting her know that I already had it! She said I must have put it to good use based on my handling of this whole cancer thing. I was honored and more since I had not read past the intro yet.

So, I have picked it back up and have determined to read it this week. So far, I like what I'm reading. Nancy Leigh DeMoss has a knack for writing and speaking truth. I like her a lot.

So, Delilah and I took our picture with the book.

Here's my summer reading book #1: Choosing Gratitude: Your Journey to Joy.

If you struggle with having a more optimistic bent and speaking uplifting things in your own head and out of your mouth, you might want to get a copy and read along...but not in place of your Bible time. Let the Bible take precedence over man's words. Okay? Hug yourself since I can't hug you via cyberspace.

Yesterday I completed chemo number eight. I have eight more to go! SDG!

Laughter = Good Medicine

2010-05-20T04:00:00.001-04:00

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." - Proverbs 17:23 ESV

As I often do, I am typing today's post on Wednesday afternoon. I will set it up to post Thursday morning. That's beside the point. But, as I type, I hear laughter. My heart is made joyful. Now I ponder other incidences of my heart being joyful today.

Robert and Sigourney are right outside my window in the den. They are swimming in the pool. I am not eavesdropping. I don't hear their words, I just hear their laughter.

Their laughter is building up my bones. I smile.

This morning (yesterday to you), David called me back to the study where his Wii is set up. He wanted to make sure I had my say on the avatars he was creating for the game. We worked on his, Rob's, and Robert's. Then, it was time for mine. We sorted through all the various hairstyles and I finally found the right one! It was the one with no hair. We laughed at the completed avatar with pretty eyes, eyeshadow, blush, lipstick, and no hair. It was right.

Our laughter was building up my bones. I smiled.

A few minutes ago, Beans laid prostrate on the floor with Lamb Chop, her newest toy. In one quick bite to make the squeaker squeak, she punctured a hole in the toy so that stuffing came out. Lamb Chop is now in the trash, but Robert, David, and I laughed at her antics and ferocious bent to attack the toy showing off in front of us. We had to laugh.

Our laughter built up my bones. I smiled.

I have one more event that occurred and involved no laughter but made my heart joyful anyway. I finally reorganized my container/baggie shelf. Yes, a chore with great organizational dividends afterward was good for my bones.

What have you laughed about this week? Or, what makes your heart full of joy? Please share! I like to laugh! : )

The Original Nesting Reflection 4 - Decorating the Nest

2010-05-19T04:00:00.008-04:00

Here's the post that I preempted with three other posts. I started not to publish it here after my conviction of its non-eternal value. But, I had a change of mind. If part of my goal with Digging Deep is to be a Titus 2 woman (older mentoring younger about home), then I need not believe this is trivial after all. Without further ado, here 'tis.

Here's a scenario. See if it pertains to you.

You are invited to the home of a friend. You accept the invitation and upon showing up walk into her home and ooh and aah over her decor. You like her color selections and how the fabric in each room coordinates with other pieces. You like her furniture, rugs, knick-knacks, faucets, door knobs, and pictures. I mean it. You notice every detail and compliment her.

Then you leave and go home. You are frustrated because, quite frankly, your house stinks in the decor department. You are confident that every one who has ever darkened your doorway has left not having the feelings you just had about another's home.

Well, let's take care of the elephant that's blocking the decor in the room right now.

My friend, plain and simple, you are suffering from a bad case of decorating envy. Like any kind of coveting, it's a sin when you begin to conjure up ways to obtain what another has. I know of what I speak. I'm not talking about stealing. I'm talking about obsession of the decorating kind.

When I peel the onion layers off one at a time on this issue, for me, it boils down to noting how others make their houses homes. That involves ways to make it warm and inviting. It can be done simply and affordably or it can be over the top as you have the means...but either way, there's something to be said for putting your unique spin on decorating your nest to make others (those you live with first and foremost) feel welcome.

Besides a welcoming environment, I think it's important to reflect God in your home. It's good to have a place that draws you to spend time with God. (See a couple of posts back).

I like the fact that the table between our two club chairs in the den is loaded with our Bibles and devotionals. A basket behind my chair has my doodle prayer book and pens. The magazine crate next to my chair has my journal and a collection of more devotional books and whatever the current "read" is.

Like cleaning for Jesus, decorating in a way that honors God is good.

I find these suggestions helpful when it comes to decorating:

Ask yourself if the item you are about to purchase is affordable, worth the money, practical for the season of life you're in (do you really want a white sofa with toddlers?), the right scale for the room, and tasteful. How long do you intend to use it? If it's a trendy item, then sinking a lot of money into the item is not wise probably.
What is prompting you to want to redecorate a certain room? Is it because it's cluttered? If so, clean out the clutter. Watch one episode of Hoarders and you'll realize the importance of getting rid of stuff you hang onto for the sake of having it even if it's in the way or just lost its appeal.
Be a wise steward. If you are investing in a long-term piece of furniture, then buy the best you can afford. If you are reupholstering a piece of furniture, buy fabric that is within your budget, but also practical.
If you are consumed with decorating shows, magazines, and wanting the perfectly decorated home, you might have a bad case of envy. You might need to trash the magazines and change the channel until you can bring this under control.
Lastly, although there could be many more suggestions, if you purchase "this" item, what will you get rid of? This helps when purchasing knick-knacks to place somewhere for that special touch. By following this rule, you'll rule out some serious clutter back up. Just a thought.

The bottom line for me in decorating is that I want my home to be welcoming to my family so that the things within are not just things for the sake of things but things with purpose, things that prompt memories of happiness shared among us, and things that are not idols that take precedence over time with God and ministering to others in our home.

What's your best decorating tip? Please share a comment. Thanks!

Nesting Reflections 4, part 2 - Desiring a Decorated Nest

2010-05-18T09:42:00.000-04:00

When we left off Friday, I had informed you of hanging out in Psalms 84 and 91. These passages came as a result of writing a post on decorating our homes, aka "nests", and realizing the ultimate futility of putting too much time, money, and energy in such.

That's hard for me to type. I like a pretty house. I read decorating magazines and enjoy watching the occasional decorating show on HGTV. So, to come in my home, although it's not like a magazine will want to come and photograph it, it is nicely appointed. I admit it.

So, when reading Psalms 84 and 91, I grew a bit convicted over the time I have spent in the past regarding my temporary earthly dwelling. It's temporary because I won't live in it forever. It's earthly because of its location, location, location. It's not my permanent location.

While reading in 84 that day, I contemplated my desires for my temporary house compared to the desires of the Psalmist who would rather spend one day in the courts of the Lord than 1,000 elsewhere. It caused me to stop and ponder how I lack that desire so often. My desire is often more earthly focused. When was the last time my soul fainted from longing to be in the presence of God?

Then, when reading Psalm 91, I couldn't help but see how the Psalmist refers not to a shelter or refuge constructed by man, but he refers to God as his very shelter and refuge. He calls Him those descriptive names. With God as the shelter and refuge, there is no need for updates, remodels, or additions. With God as my shelter and refuge I have an unchanging safe haven in Him. Dwelling in Him means seeing the promises of the covenant relationship come to pass. What He promises you, He will do. Abiding in Him means you obey Him.

Ultimately, God would send Jesus to us to "tabernacle" among us...dwell among us, set up his tent among us, dress in flesh and blood to sympathize with us in our weak states. Our abiding in Christ would become proof of those who abide/dwell in God. (See 1 John 2.)

Our ultimate dwelling? It's not got a thing to do with the decor. At the heart of it all, it's about Jesus. Where is your desire fixed?

What Every Child Needs

2010-05-17T09:45:00.000-04:00

Hey. I'm taking a break from the decorating the nest posts to a nesting post about the little ones that dwell within the nest. Today's purpose is to recap the lives of children and what they really need these days to help them grow up.

The reason for my writing this is as a thank you to my own two birdies. I dedicate today's post to Robert and David, and the One who made them.

Good Ledge/Branch = The Foundation

Like any home, if the foundation is not solid, those who build it are laboring in vain. Psalm 127:1 says, "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain." So, it goes back further than the physical structure of a tangible house. It goes back to the spiritual necessity of a home and family. God needs to be at the center of it. God created the family. He needs to be the foundation of it. His clear words need to be honored and obeyed. His standard is to be the standard marker.

Application questions: is God the center of our home? Is He the center of my own life? Do I toy with Him and make light of the One Who made heaven and earth? How is the Word of God handled in my home?

Soft Feathers, Firm Twigs, Maybe Some Dirt = The Structure

With a solid foundation (God) in place, then protective walls are needed. This place is a haven from the world. Soft feathers (the parents sacrificial offering of themselves) provide the nurturing comfort of a safe place to land from a harsh world. Firm twigs (the material things that are necessary for a home) are the solid support, and structure to hold the feathers in place. A little mud (the glue of showers of blessing and tough times weathered together) that helps hold it together offers the stability to a nest that might otherwise blow off the ledge or branch. It's the place where those of similar beliefs and blood can regroup at the end of the day. Spiritual nourishment is dispensed as well as physical sustenance. It's the safe place. Again, the foundation, remember, is God and God alone. The parents, male and female, are responsible for completing their God-ordained duties for bringing spiritual, physical, and emotional structure to the nest. They have specific things to impart to the dwellers within.

Application questions: have I been a responsible parent who has desired to please God and impart His ways to my children? Is our home a haven or a stressful place?

Good In Means Good Out = Regurgitation

While the birds are dwelling in the nest, they need to be fed things that will be productive for their overall well-being. If the parent birds consume visual/audio trash then what they see/hear will eventually have a huge impact on what the babies are drawn to as well. As baby birds are fed the regurgitated food of the parent, what we consume as parents will be passed along to our own as well. Granted, we may not spit it out in the mouths of our young, but I assure you whatever we consume in our minds will affect our beliefs and eventually trickle down to our children and shape their belief system. How can it not? Obviously, we see this with the literal food on which we raise our children. Well, it's no different in what they consume other than food, too. Consider Psalm 101:2b-3a that says, "I will walk in my house with blameless heart. I will set before my eyes no vile thing."

Application questions: what are my children regurgitating? What is my responsibility in this? Do I need to repent before God and my children?

While watching David graduate from high school last night, I had time to think about how thankful I am for the blessing of the two in our nest. Awards for Christian citizenship and character are not bestowed at this school we have now flown from. It doesn't matter anyway. Ultimately, they and the rest of us will give an account before the God who made us in His image.

My prayer is that the nesting example they learned here, although flawed and mishandled at times, ignorantly and not, will afford them the example to carry on things of God they learned here and more things of Him they will learn apart from this nest.

I could have talked about other things too, like safety, protection, discipline, boundaries, freedom, and love. Those are all important, too. If you had the opportunity to write something about these aspects of the nest, what would you say that would line up with the Word? Leave a comment! Thanks!

Nesting Reflections 4, part 1 - Desiring a Decorated Nest

2010-05-14T04:00:00.005-04:00

I had today's post ready yesterday, but while in my quiet time prior to my infusion #7, I read in the Psalms and decided while in the infusion room (where I am typing on Thursday at 3:45 pm) to preempt the scheduled nesting reflection with what God showed me during my time in prayer and meditating on Psalms 84 and 91 (part 2).

As I type this I am crying happy tears in the filled to capacity room at The JBACC. I am also having some music therapy. I have just looked up from Bebo's song, "I Am," and have seen my sweet husband working on his Bible study and smiling at me. Obviously, I was moving my head, grinning, typing this, and humming very softly, yet enough to cause him to pause and look at me in my happy state.

Oh, God, I praise Your name for You are the reason I can smile while getting chemo. You are in the midst of my life. Why would I ever think You are not? Thank You!

While I was preparing the blog for today (before I preempted it) I just couldn't get in the groove. I felt like the post was about things that really don't matter for eternity....stuff, decorating stuff, pretty houses, jealous motives to keep up with others, etc. So, I took heed that God had been reminding me for a time that I had not even had my QT for the day. I kept ignoring Him. These are true confessions of a blogger, folks. So, I closed the laptop and plopped myself in the chair.

And it hit me. The chair. It is my place of choice lately to meet with God at home. Then I had another epiphany and the real decorating post for today.

Do you have such a place in your home? Do you have a designated spot to convene and commune with the One who created You and gave you your home? If you don't, I encourage you to choose a spot in your home that is dedicated to time between the two of you. Call it your haven, your refuge, your sanctuary, or your special place, whatever suits you, but make a place and follow through with meeting with God there.

Now, once you decide where that place is, make sure to set aside time to meet with Him there. As often as He draws you there, meet with Him. I procrastinated and I regret it because He showed me some treasures in favorite passages...all about dwelling places and the decor in them. Ohhhh, my soul is so refreshed and I longed for more time in those Psalms but between the phone ringing (I didn't answer it) and needing to get ready to leave the house, my lingering caused me to miss out on more of His goodness. I'm sorry, Lord.

I read Psalm 84 and had to just cry. He revealed my shallowness of soul to even think I could write a post about our temporary dwellings to enjoy on earth when there is a far better dwelling to focus on instead.
Read Psalm 84 and tell me what you see about that dwelling. Do you see the references to the nest? Oh my! I had not stopped long enough to ponder such goodness in that direction. He had been trying to woo me to my chair and His Word and I had lost out by not moving as soon as He prompted me.

Take note of how the Psalmist responds to this dwelling. Now, ask yourself how you relate to the Psalmist and his response to the dwelling.

How does this Psalm speak to you today? Leave a comment.

Nesting Reflection 3 - Keeping the Nest Clean and Tidy

2010-05-13T04:00:00.001-04:00

For most of my adult life I have been a housekeeper. I've kept my own house. I can be hard to live with on housecleaning day. I can get moody and short-tempered. I often want to clean the house and clean it a certain way, my way, the "right" way. Boy, that's bad.

I have had occasion where needing help keeping the nest clean was required. The last two months I have had help every other week. I feel out of place on those days that someone else is dusting, vacuuming, scrubbing, smiling, and being pleasant while she cleans for me and I am wandering around trying to stay out of her way.

I have learned and am learning much from this experience. I see a verse at work that could apply to all of us when we are busy keeping our nests clean whether full-time, part-time, or laid off from the job for a spell:

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,..." (Colossians 3:23 ESV)

Whatever you do:

wash sheets
iron shirts
clean dog nose prints off the glass door
wipe away small fingerprints from the wall
wash baseball pants for the 5th time in a week
scrub the toilet
sweep crumbs
dust the furniture
pick up the same toys, shoes, games, etc. again
and so on,

Do it heartily:

without fussing at your children, spouse, or roommates
without resenting the routine
without grumbling
thankful you have a house/apartment
thankful you can afford cleaning products
thankful you learned how to clean house when you were a little girl, Amy...

For the Lord and not for men:

as if it's His house you are keeping and in a way it is...He owns it all anyway. You are just a steward of His property. Be a good steward.

For me, I have to check my heart. I need to write this. I need all these reminders.

Once we can grasp the significance of doing our work to keep our nests clean with a good attitude for Jesus and not mad because we have to clean, I think it makes our jobs easier.

You may have expected today's post to give you the clean sweep tactics for quick and thorough housecleaning. I could do that all day long. I've tried lots of methods from cleaning a room a day to cleaning the whole house in one day. I've tried perfection and I've abandoned it for simplicity and was frustrated. Now that my boys are older (and they help clean), that has eased the burden for cleaning the whole house on my own.

But, rather than promote methods and products, I just think this mom needs to get her heart right each time she pulls out the plastic tote filled with cleaning products and remember to clean the house for Jesus. Then, when putting the things away afterward, analyze not how clean the house is but analyze how pleasant my attitude is as my family walks in at the end of the day after I've cleaned. If my attitude stinks, then maybe my cleaning expectations are too high or my chore list too long to accomplish in a nice manner in the time allotted. I might need to readjust the attitude, the expectations, and the time.

At the end of my family members' days, am I someone they are glad they came home to see? If I'm too tired from nonstop cleaning and my mood is too bad, what kind of atmosphere does that present to those who may have had days of hardship at work or school? Get all that together in one room at the end of the day and it could be kind of tense.

On the flip side, if I set out with a reasonable list of expectations for cleaning the house and take a healthy pride in getting it done to maintain a pleasant attitude, then not only does the house have a clean aroma afterward, but I, too, have the sweet aroma of Christ that welcomes everyone back into the nest at the end of a long day.

"Wherever we go, God uses us to make clear what it means to know Christ. It's like a fragrance that fills the air." (2 Corinthians 2:14, God's Word Translation)

So, what about you? What kind of nest keeper are you?

Nesting Reflection 2 - Cooking 101

2010-05-12T04:00:00.001-04:00

Cooking well seems to be making a comeback among an ever-increasing group of people, not just women.

Of all the things I have taught related to Home Ec (which is not the politically correct term anymore) cooking was my favorite. I enjoyed the challenge of finding the right recipe that would produce hoped-for results of good taste and appearance. I don't think my 7th and 8th grade students cared, but they enjoyed the break in their day from math and science to come to my kind of math and science, concocting edible chemistry.

I have taught microwave cooking classes to adults, been the solo cook to 90 Wesley students at Auburn on Wednesday nights while a student myself, worked in Auburn University's catering department, instructed high school girls in private cooking lessons, and had that brief time in Nathalie Dupree's kitchen as her apprentice.

In Columbus, there are cooking classes popping up. The Village Kitchen offers a plethora of classes at varying degrees of price and difficulty. They even bring in cookbook authors to serve as instructors from time to time.

The art and science of cooking is ever evolving especially as we are learning more and more about the significant value of consuming good food that is good for us so we can hopefully prevent illnesses from ever occurring.

I enjoy finding good recipe websites and think that worththewhisk.com will be a fave along with The Pioneer Woman's blog. Her cooking tab is great for good recipes and great pictures through every step of the recipe process. This week she has a recipe for baked French Toast. Last week has a good salad dressing recipe. I'll probably make the dressing and dream about the toast (not very healthy...sigh).

I think that half the battle with cooking is discerning what recipes are worthy of your attempts. Developing a knack for recipe interpretation and vision to "taste" the end results before you ever purchase the first ingredient is so important.

Having a network of reliable sources is a big help to the average cook. Sharing recipes and cooking tidbits is not a waste of time. It's good and right for developing your skills in this area of nest keeping. So, make sure you have your grandmother's and mother's best recipes in writing. Spend time watching them prepare that family favorite and take notes while they are "fixing" it. It will be time well spent to develop this legacy from the kitchen and the heart.

Speaking of good resources in the kitchen, my friend and home ec teaching mentor did her now expected yummy salad at the conclusion of Isaiah. Click here for the link that has the recipe. It will be near the end of that day's post. It's so delicious! Enjoy!

Finally, among the tangible cookbooks I've purchased lately, Rebecca Katz deserves a mention and plug. The Cancer-Fighting Kitchen and One Bite At a Time have a wealth of information in them for the patient and those who want to take measures to consume good food in hopes of preventing cancer. I have been studying those a lot lately. It's time to put the spoon in the pan and practice what I'm learning.

So, my question today? What motivates you to cook? What is your favorite cookbook and/or cooking website? What's your favorite recipe? Share it here.

Good News, Not Wonderful News, God, Dinglewood, and Bebo Norman

2010-05-11T04:00:00.027-04:00

I'm interrupting the nesting posts to give you a bit of good news and not wonderful news (which is an odd way of saying good news when it's unknown what lies ahead).

First, Dr. Pippas says my bone marrow is wonderful! However, he wants to bring my blood counts down to lower numbers . There's science and biology to all this that I won't explain very well, but it's the right thing for him to do. So, the good news is my bone marrow is wonderful.

As a result of upping the chemo dosage, I may go through the side effects of chemo that I have been blessed to miss. So, I ask you to pray for me these next three Thursdays as God leads you to pray.

Well, you know what? I am not afraid. I am not mad. I am not disappointed. Why? God is in control. He is faithful. I trust Him. He will glorify Himself through all of this. To Him be the glory!

As I told my family in an email update yesterday, we've been praying for all "A's" on my blood count report card. God has heard. We were praying in accordance with His will, I do believe. And now? Well, we are going to be praying in accordance with His will for this upped dosing to begin this week. I believe we need to pray for "D's". We don't want a bottoming out. However, having the proof that my blood counts are lower is good. It will mean the chemo is doing its job. Sure, I can tell a difference outwardly in the tumor's size and feel. Even though lower blood counts can indicate some things, I still know that God is
                    bigger than blood counts,
sovereign over bone marrow production,
   keeping me protected from illness,
healing me by His power,
                                         showing up second after second,
                                           protecting me from harm,
                                  seeing how my soul, mind, and body respond,
                          caring for my every need,
                    loving me unceasingly;
                          He is in control.

So, after hearing that the "roller coaster" is now going to be headed backwards since I've grown accustomed to the predictability of the forward motion (of my responses to the chemo thus far), I did what any one of you would do.

I took my car for a car wash and met my husband at Dinglewood. I figured that I might as well enjoy a nice bowl of their chili while able. I had onions on it, too! Oh yeah!

While there, we saw Bebo Norman. Actually, Rob noticed him. I considered getting Rob to take a picture of me with Bebo without him knowing it. I was willing to lean up against the wall that was perpendicular to his booth to give the illusion I was "with" him and his family. I've met him before, but it's been a while and well, I had hair then...and you and I know that even those who know me well have had a hard time recognizing me without my usual "do".

Rob also reminded me of a song Bebo wrote for a fundraiser concert for a local Young Life leader several years ago who was diagnosed with cancer at the time. Bebo wrote the song, "I Am," for that event. Rob then reminded me of the words in the song and I just thought it was too timely considering my earlier appointment with my oncologist...Here are the lyrics in the chorus.   Read them and weep (in a good way, I mean):

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand...I am (from Bebo Norman's song, I Am)

Yes, He is in the marrow and the blood. He's been there all along. That is such a comfort, more comforting than that bowl of delicious chili.

Nesting Reflection 1 - Needle Arts

2010-05-10T04:00:00.056-04:00

What has happened to all the women with hobbies in the needle arts? Does anyone sew, quilt, do needlepoint or cross-stitch? Any knitters or crocheters out there?

My mother saw to it that my sister and I were adequately trained to do needlepoint and embroidery. My sister went further and took up knitting and crochet. She eventually majored in some kind of fiber engineering program at Auburn. I took my route of threads to the schools of Home Economics and Vocational Education at Auburn. I taught sewing in the public schools along with the other Home Ec subjects and I taught private sewing lessons for seven years when the boys were bitty. Cross-stitching on linen became my hobby of choice.

I have fond memories of being at the kitchen table with my grandmother, Mama Smith, learning how to do the basket-weave stitch as a background for my first needlepoint piece. I was a little girl, eight or nine years old. Mama Smith would patiently untwist my menagerie of tangled threads on my numerous attempts to make a completed diagonal row. I would enjoy flipping the canvas over and gazing at the basket weave stitch on the underside. At first, it didn't look so lovely. But, at least I was learning. Trying to get the thread through the needle's eye would send me to tears and I could see the eye then! Wow. Now I about cry for lack of sighting the eye.

On our beach trips each year, Mother would make sure we had some type of arts/crafts to occupy our time on rainy beach days when going to the pool was out of the question and it was a necessity to keep us busy in a constructive way. We completed hooked rugs and bargello pillows then.

I would eventually get in trouble for reading books or doing needlework instead of my chores. I don't think I'm completely to blame. After all, I didn't ask to read or do needlework to begin with!

I enjoy the feel of yarn going in and out via needle through the needlepoint canvas or hand-dyed threads through the linen weave of tea-stained fabric. I am smiling over thoughts of past projects. Designers like Heart in Hand and The Trilogy could cause me to spend hours and money at The Threaded Needle (now gone, sadly). I see Mary Lou, the former owner, around town and I say every time, "I miss The Threaded Needle." I need to move on.

Not too many people seem to do much needlework of this sort nowadays. Yet, you can find very expensive machine-completed needlepoint pillows in upscale gift shops. People like the look but not the time it takes to complete them. It seems that not too many enjoy the folk art decor of samplers hanging on their walls, I've noticed. Perhaps that is why I love to go to the folk art museum at Williamsburg, VA and get my fill of it. Perhaps that is why I have hesitated to finish a sampler I started when we had a Plymouth minivan and David rode in a car seat at the time. Can you say, "Long time ago!"?

With the need for reading glasses in addition to my contact lenses and even then, stitching in the brightest time of day near a window with the magnifier lamp on...it just seems to take some of the fun out of creating with my hands in snatches of minutes here and there. Sigh. Add to this my favorite needlework store being gone, and I have just not been inspired to pick it back up.

Perhaps today's post serves to spur me on to picking up a needle and thread and going wild for a while breathing in and out while keeping a steady hand to make progress in an art form that will allow me to sit still and relax as the needle punches over and under with hand-dyed thread. I have several projects to complete! What is keeping me from them?

I am remembering my Summer Vacation post from a few days ago and thinking it's just time to get my project bag together and go for it! It's time for my inner needle artist to emerge!

Having that bag handy and checking in with this blog I found are sure to serve as inspiration to get it going!

Do any of you out there still do needlework? Let me know via a comment.

Coming Up: Reflections on Keeping My Nest

2010-05-07T04:00:00.004-04:00

In writing some of the most recent posts, I have recalled things that are near and dear to my heart regarding making a home or "keeping the nest" as I like to say. So, I will write about some of those next week as a tribute to what older women have taught this younger woman (yes, I am still younger than some). I hope you'll get some joy in reading along and also reflecting on women in your own life who have had an impact in your own life and homemaking. Who knows, it might even inspire you to take up a new approach to keeping your own nest!

Happy Mother's Day to every woman who has mothered another in some way.

Mother Superior's Graduation Speech

2010-05-06T04:00:00.000-04:00

We have in the hallway leading to our boys' bedrooms a cross-stitch piece I completed a few days before Robert was born (21 years, 5 months ago). It is a quote that reads,

"There is no higher calling in life than raising the children God has trusted to our care."

I have friends who have journeyed to the empty nest. Some went kicking and screaming while others rejoiced that the day was on the horizon when the youngest entered Pre-K.

When Robert approached his high school graduation, I went to Highlands for a few days of alone time to examine where I was in this process of my call to full-time motherhood. I packed my used copy of Carol Kuykendall's jewel, Give Them Wings, along with boxes of tissues and fresh paper in my journal. I justified the trip as worthy because I needed to evaluate my identity and calling since half of my reason for mothering full-time was about to spring from the nest.

Instead of picking up an indication I needed to develop a new hobby in my new state of mothering one at home and one away, I sensed an even stronger pull from God to recommit my calling as a mom to be the best I could be for David. Involved in this was the clear communication in my spirit from God that I needed to nurture more and control less. He gave me my orders to finish the high school years for Him and for David and not for the parents' association, not for the fame of being at school volunteering, and not even for the weekly Moms In Touch group I had faithfully attended since Robert's 4-K years. I was to draw aside with God on my own during David's remaining years and focus on praying for him specifically and enjoying relaxing rather than running in my then-typical frenzied way to be "Mother Superior".

After the time alone, the boys all came up and we celebrated Mother's Day that weekend of 2007.

It's now 2010, and David will graduate from high school in a few short days. I have once again returned to Highlands with my copy of Carol's book and fresh tissue and journal paper. But, this time, I have returned to the same spot and similar place in my life's journey as a mom more confident in Who my God is and less confident (in a healthy way) in myself and my ability or lack thereof to control my own family and my own life.

I realize that God calling me to more solo prayer time was not only for David's sake, but for mine, too. His pull for me to retreat from busyness was for a purpose.

I have seen God work in ways that I may have not noticed before with my fast pace and I have seen, too, the preparation for this time in our family's life due to small tests all along that got us ready to walk in faith and trust down a path of illness we would not have chosen had we the option.

So, David's graduation is a milestone marker for him. I see it as one for me, too.

A friend sent me a verse the other day that ministered to me greatly. It's from Psalm 116. When I went to the Psalm in the NLT, I took great comfort in all of it and found it a fitting Psalm for how I feel as I type this reflecting on God's goodness towards me all my life. Make sure you are reading Psalm 116 on the link in the next sentence...you may have to scroll the page to reach the right one. Read it here.

What's next, God? What's next? I'm ready and at peace to handle whatever You have ordained for me. I pray my youngest is ready for what You have in store for him. Make it so, Lord. Grant that I will be the mom You have called me to be at every phase of mothering. May I continue to serve my family in a way that pleases You and represents You here in the home You have placed me during every season of life that remains for me. I've so enjoyed this calling. It's the best thing You've ever trusted me to do. I know I have made mistakes along the way and I pray my children won't remember those or the times when I was not a faithful representative of You. You are the ultimate example of the perfect parent. May I continue to look to You, to seek Your advice, to thank You in trials and joys. Give me the courage to give my sons appropriate space to stretch their wings and let You catch them. Move me out of the way. Continue to prepare my boys now men to be salt and light in the world, to represent You in a way that makes You proud, to become men who will be faithful to You and their families. Give them a boldness to speak Your Word all the time and not compromise it for the sake of pleasing man or for the sake of any selfish motive on their part. My job in this season is done and I await the next with great joy for what You have planned for them and their futures, and what you have planned for me and Rob. Thank You.

Musings Of a Wannabe Artist

2010-05-05T04:00:00.000-04:00

I have friends who have turned into budding artists. They have websites with their artwork displayed. They seem to have turned into artists overnight and they have shows where people come and buy their artwork! They have Facebook fan pages, too! I am amazed!

From time to time Rob and I will venture into an art gallery. We put on our art connoisseur faces. We are serious. We are quiet. We make intelligent-sounding comments. Then, when we find one we like, we look at the price tag and drop our jaws in amazement at the cost of an 8" x 11" framed piece of art. We quickly pick our mouths up off the floor and casually stroll in a hurried way so as to not look hurried perusing the remaining art pieces and get ourselves out of the art gallery. Whew! We cannot handle culture of such a degree. It's intimidating. I think the gallery owners note when we walk in the door that we are not of their world. I don't think they press a button to alert anyone in the back to be on the lookout for our perusal techniques giving off a purchasing vibe...but then again...

In those moments of price sticker shock and awe, I say things like, "I am going to take an art class and learn to paint two things, sheep and cows!" My art needs are simple. Now you know to what I am most "drawn" in the art realm...pasture-al settings (see the pun). FYI, I just looked up "pastoral settings" and realized my pun is not really a pun after all but a description of pastoral settings. See? I need help in the area of art. How could I not have known this simple definition?

I'm an artist's nightmare, perhaps. Think of the change that could occur should some artist take me under her wing as her "special project". Why, it would almost be as a rewrite of "Pygmalion", or the play, "My Fair Lady".

Instead of Eliza Doolittle, I am Artista Knowlittle. Instead of improved speech and fancy clothes, I gain knowledge of art history, the importance of proper lighting in painting and mixing the most beautiful colors on my special palette, along with some super-uber appreciation of art museums. I gain an understanding of drawing to scale and the ability for human faces to really look like the humans they represent. Yes, I would have the artist's cap from old Paris that matches the smock of a true arteest! Oui, oui!

I had a great aunt who was an artist of this nature and caliber. I had her smock for awhile, too, until I realized I truly had no interest in learning the techniques from the masters and realized I had outgrown her smock. Now, I just wish I had one of her paintings that my parents had briefly after she died. It was of the chapel at Callaway Gardens. Even though I insisted my parents hang onto a set of china that belonged to her for my own home one day, I didn't appreciate, even then, art in painted form like I wish I had.

To all you art enthusiasts and artists on the move or in the making, bless you! Your pieces delight us even when we can only "own" them while perusing them at a show as they await someone else's purchase. May your hobby or calling be a blessing to others and bring much glory to God as you paint things in His creation that delight our sight. May your proceeds be beneficial to furthering His kingdom!

The Sneaky Sistren

2010-05-04T04:00:00.000-04:00

"Sistren" is another name for "sisters". I have a sister by blood, sisters by law, sisters of the heart, and sisters in Christ.

I have had the privilege of meeting with sisters in Bible study during the course of the year each week. Two groups have committed to weekly discussions based on what we were studying in the Bible. To not teach them is like depriving me of oxygen. However, a break at the end of a year is a good thing for them and for me.

We concluded our studies last week and both groups surprised me. Hence, the description of "sneaky" for them in the title. The fact that I am clueless to their secret schemes of surprising me is a huge benefit to them. I am clueless. They may have been passing notes in front of me. Clueless. Me.

Anyway, both groups concluded our last meeting with gifts for me. I never know quite how to handle this. I don't expect them to bless me. It's hard to just say a simple thanks to them. The fact that they return each week is a huge gift. Yet, they bless me further than their presence with their presents, too! If they never gave me anything at all, it would not change the tender place I have for them in my heart. They are a lovely group of women ranging in ages and stages. They are precious to me!

I received gift cards and a certificate for a massage from Wednesday night's group. I shall enjoy all of the gifts! After everyone had left, I noticed a bag on my desk with no note. Inside, was a new, pretty blue swim cap. I should know by now to be careful what I write on the blog or post on Facebook. Someone will read it and make it their mission to pick up on the innocent mention of a potential need and they'll find it for me. Such was the case with the swim cap. These girls had picked up on other things about me, and knew that the gift cards and massage would be wonderful choices. They are right.

Then, Thursday morning's group gave me a gift of cash, a hand-pieced and personalized quilt for my chemo bag, and a ring. They put verses on the quilt for me to read or look up while sitting in chemo. I told them it's like an activity quilt for me! The ring came as a result of a comment I made on the blog about being worth far more than rubies (see Proverbs 31) now that I have platinum running through my veins. I commented that I might just have to get a platinum ring with rubies in it after finishing chemo. Well, they took care of that for me and ordered a ring from a jeweler in Jerusalem. On the ring are the Hebrew words for God, "Yahweh, Rock, Redeemer", and inbetween the three names are two rubies set in silver.

As an aside, they also thought it would be quite humorous to help my memory about the Flamenco dancers and they gave me a pair of glasses sporting flamingos on them.

I decided to take a picture of my new summer swim gear for the neck up and here it is:

So, to all my sneaky sistren, thank you! You spoil me rotten. You are a joy to walk through the Word with and you bless me by your candor, vulnerability, enthusiasm, presence, love, support, friendship, encouragement, challenging questions, laughter, recipes, application stories, prayer requests, love for Jesus, tears, and your gifts. Every part of each of you envelopes me in the sweet fragrance of Christ.

You are a blessing to know! I love you all!

Now, if you're not in a Bible study and want to be part of one, as summer ends and fall begins, let me know your interest in participating in a study with me. And if you can't line up your schedule with mine, I'll help you find a study in town that will work for you. Just get in the Word.

Reflections on Windy Days and God's Goodness

2010-05-03T04:00:00.001-04:00

I attended Saturday's Sound Choices Pregnancy Clinic High Tea. It was a lovely event with beauty, yummy teas and great tea-style food. The speakers were inspirational and the life represented was moving.

I sported a new hat and was excited to not be the only one in the room wearing this somewhat forgotten fashion accessory. My hat was a necessity. Due to the amount of fringe I saw hanging from others, however, I gathered I was the only one who truly needed to insure hers stayed on her head.

As friends would spot me, I would make a swift move of my left hand to the top of my hat in an effort to guarantee its security during an affectionate Southern girl hug.

I made it all the way through the tea without any "accident".

Then, I left the building.

I wish I had known that the wind was going to hug me hard.

As I was walking down the sidewalk a young woman was walking in back of me and commented on how pretty the flowers were that adorned our tables. I turned and nodded in agreement and we noted that the only sure way to have known if they were real was to feel the petals.

About then, the wind blew and yes...the thing you hoped you weren't going to have to read, you must.

Yes, it picked up my hat and blew it slam down on the sidewalk.

I think I shall have nightmares about it, even though I am laughing as I type this. By the way, I am typing this immediately upon arriving home to my empty house after the event (the tea and hat blowing). That hat is on my desk and I'm typing in defiance of the expose', but not denial of it. Ugh. Sigh.

But God...

There's an often two-worded sentence beginner from the Word. Usually, when you read those two words it means that out of the situation that seemed horrible prior to it, God worked in His mighty way to move in a situation that defies our ability to have ever guessed He would do. A speaker at the tea even used them as she recited all the statistics she fitted in and then sprung her, "But God" into the speech to remind us that God is bigger than the world's statistics and He's bigger in all our trials to rescue us and move in ways we don't foresee.

But God timed my hat blowing just right. Because, the woman who I had never met before quickly saw my need and heeded my pitiful, "help," as I'm trying to cover my naked noggin with one hand while my other hand was holding my purse and a gift bag. She ran to the hat and picked it up and handed it to me. I thanked her as I swiftly put the thing back on my head and made sure to keep my hand firmly placed on the cap...this time. I think I blushed as red as my beaded necklace and bracelet.

But God not only had her pick up my hat but also note that I must be going through chemotherapy and speak to that effect. I looked at her and realized that she had a really cute, short short hairdo. She was African American with pretty skin and a sweet mouth. She was petite (maybe she couldn't see my head from down there?).

But God would bring a woman who had a scar and a bump in her upper chest wall that I very well recognize. I have those too. We both have chemo ports!

But God would have her walk behind me to know what I would be experiencing in that quick moment.

She had breast cancer, too. She is on the end of hers. She's a past tense breast cancer girl fresh out of the "I have bc" to "I had bc". Glory!

But God would have a sister in Christ and a sister in BC walking my literal same path to swoop in and help me pick up the pieces (or hat) in what could have been a devastating moment of insecurity and shame.

That sister's name is Denise Tucker. I'm glad she walked out right behind me. I'm glad she spoke to me. I'm glad she helped me.

And there you have it.

Note to self: on a windy day, hang on to your hat.

You Know You're a Diva If...

2010-04-30T04:00:00.000-04:00

Some of you may be able to spot a diva from a mile away. Others may be clueless as to what a diva even is. This post has come about because of yesterday's comment about my experience at the YMCA waiting for the elliptical machine. That's when I knew I was a diva.

Here's the definition of a "diva" from Dictionary.com: "a distinguished female singer; a prima dona."

Okay, admittedly, I do not like that definition. I am more of an extinguished female singer; and what is a prima dona?

Definition of "prima dona" from the same source: "principal female performer."

Well, forget the diva thing.

Let's change it to this fill-in-the-blank style of test instead.

You know you are spoiled if/when...

1. You don't like the definition of "diva" because you can't sing and you thought you were a diva before you checked the definition and the reality set in.

2. You wait in the line at the gym, like a good rule-keeping girl neglecting, however, to sign in for the particular machine you MUST have, only to be "jumped in line" by the skinny woman who doesn't need the machine but who also remembered to sign in for it and is now sanitizing it while the older man is winding down his cool down on said machine. You turn on your heels, let out a huff, and tear up on your way to the car hating all skinny women who should be running instead of using your elliptical.

3. The one time you have ever gotten pulled over for speeding, you beg the female officer to not give you a ticket because your car stinks from delivering turnips and fish to Meals on Wheels people and you were in a hurry to get those smelly hot boxes back to the headquarters. After all, you were doing a good deed, for goodness' sake! (She gave the ticket anyway saying it was probably not the first time you had sped, just the first time you had been caught.) Ouch.

4. You ask someone else to notice your wrinkles (crows' feet) but stretch your eyes wide open so the wrinkles disappear...all in an effort to be told you don't have wrinkles.

5. Confidently adopting a new style, like wearing hats, you realize that having just one will not be enough and you proceed to make it your ambition to find more to go with several outfits. While shopping for said hats, you worry that others may begin to emulate your new trend and hope that the shop won't reorder them. You also let your knitting sister know your knitted hat needs and insist that she constantly knit on your behalf.

6. You order expensive embossed notecards with your monogram and still go to Target to buy less expensive ones vowing to use your nicest ones for only special occasion correspondence needs. This happened to begin with because upon ordering the expensive ones, you were ignorant of their cost and when the clerk filled out the order form and rang up your order, you just didn't have the heart to cancel it. Your reputation was at stake.

7. When dining with friends your salad has so much refuse in it, that you have more salad piled up outside the bowl than in it. After all, you are paying a good price for lettuce and a few colorful items donning it. You deserve the best lettuce, especially if that's your main source of nourishment in that hour. (I really don't think that makes you spoiled. However, the way you handle it with the restaurant can leave the impression that you just might be...). Invariably, when this happens, you wish you had stopped at Publix and picked up a fresh head of romaine to chop yourself and use at the restaurant. I mean, is it really that hard to get good lettuce that is not slimy, bruised, wilted, or frozen in spots to a translucent state? Ugh!

8. When you get a new fragrance to wear, you don't want to share the name with others because you don't want them to smell as pretty as you do. So, you feign ignorance of the name. I almost deleted this one because I have done this a lot and some of you reading this have been on the receiving end of it. Okay? It was Prada, but I can't think of which one...

9. If saying, "I'm sorry," with sincerity is really difficult.

10. If you like to write a blog about how others can identify if they are spoiled without admitting that you have been guilty of all the above identifiers.

Whew! Since I owned up to it all, I guess I'm not spoiled.

Add another.
11. You have a hard time admitting your own flaws...

My Summer Vacation

2010-04-29T04:00:00.001-04:00

In keeping with Monday's theme of "one day I plan to...", I felt it would be an appropriate post this week to clue you in on what my summer vacation may look like, at least from this point. It's early yet. These are not in any specific order of preference or attempt.

Summer begins when school ends. School seems to be ending a lot earlier than I ever remember it. Robert is home from UGA and David is winding down his last hours of his senior year of high school. Trust me. Summer vacation mentality has begun in the Ward household even if the calendar begs to differ. Bible studies I've led concluded last night and one more concludes this morning.

Needlework

I have recently begun to miss doing needlework and this is really not a good time for this to be happening. Chemo seems to change your eyesight, so I heard. Chemo seems to be changing my eyesight, so I am seeing, and not for the better. Too bad it doesn't give the patient super powers in their eyesight. But, thanks to my parents' gift of a lighted super-magnifier on a stand several years ago, and my colorful collection of reading glasses, I may pick up an old sampler and attempt to finish it.

Independent Bible Study

Most of you who don't teach Bible study are really sad when your teacher stops teaching for the summer. Every fall, I think about the following summer and how I've missed teaching during the past one. It causes me to consider teaching one the next summer while in the fall. Then, every spring, I think about the need to withdraw from teaching for the summer and sit down, just me and the Word, for some independent time in it. So, that's my plan as usual. I'll turn a fresh page in my study notebook and have at it. It will be good. I know the ladies in the Bible study will survive without me. They need a break from me. I may "do" somebody else's work for a change (like Kelly Minter or Mary Kassian or Beth Moore) but it will be solo and on my porch with or without a hat...I haven't decided.

Pray

Why would I want to give that up during the summer? Why would you? I may continue to pray in my various formats: write prayers in pretty colored pens doodling them in my prayer doodle notebook, or pray out loud laying on the floor or reclining in the club chair, or journaling as I've done for a long time, or pray at set times as a practice of keeping the office, or pray in poetic prose I write. I will pray. I may sip green tea or smell coffee brewing while praying.

Eat Well, Drink Well

I will finally spend a bit of time studying up on the effects of good nutrition as an aid to healing and study how to keep it up after I'm done with this journey of breast cancer. I will try out new recipes. I will enjoy the produce of summer. I will eat fresh tomato sandwiches. I will get my herb garden back in order. It's already past time and I cannot bear to see the weeds taking over my little herb patch outside my back door. Basil is calling at Lowe's. I must heed its call. I will drink lots of water and green tea...and smell coffee brewing (it just doesn't taste that good right now).

Blog

Are you kidding? Did you really think I wouldn't? Of course I will. However, I may be a bit sporadic. It's summer, after all.

Exercise

I need to find a cute swim cap or else I won't be going in the pool with others at all. Of course, I have to be even more careful of sunburn, but I do want to enjoy the feel of cool water on hot days. Getting into a schedule at the YMCA will be good. Now that there's a new one, maybe I can go to my usual one and actually be the only one waiting in line for that elliptical. I should have posted about the time I almost cried when I had waited for the thing and got bumped because I didn't sign the list. Rule keepers...I'm one of 'em and neglected to follow the rules that day...but I was there first, for the record! I feel tomorrow's post coming on already...

Rest

I know the necessity and I will do it. I may even let it happen while reading a book (Lynn Austin's series on the Chronicles of the Kings). I will sleep in or I will get up early. I won't set my alarm unless it's Sunday.

Trust God

I won't change my habit on this one for the summer. Nope. I will continue to trust Him. He is faithful.

What will you be doing this summer?

The Strawberry CD

2010-04-28T04:00:00.005-04:00

Several years ago, I was teaching Lord, I Want to Know You, by Kay Arthur. It's a fantastic jewel of a study on several of the names of God. The premise of the study is that by knowing His name(s) we are more in touch with God's nature, His character, and His attributes. It's true. By doing this study, you learn much about it to apply in your life. This study has really come in handy in my own life even more lately.

As a result of going through this study, I have become a name dropper. I drop His names while praying to Him. I do not think He minds at all. By doing this, I am recalling what I know of Him from how He defines Himself in the Bible.

Anyway, while we were studying this in 2005, Valentine's Day was approaching and I wanted to bless the ladies with a gift. There were a lot of women on the roll for this study and I knew I couldn't afford a gift of more than $1 each. So, because I like music, I decided to compile a list of songs that had the various names of God in the lyrics or songs that magnified one of His many attributes in some way or had something to do with His name or Him knowing ours. The list was all about God. The songs represented a variety of artists and styles. Once I compiled the list I decided to burn a cd for each lady. I designed the label with a cute heart (that kind of looked like a strawberry with a bloom) and I began printing labels and burning cds. It took days to get them all done. I loved every minute of it.

The day came to give the ladies their gifts and I was beside myself with excitement. I distributed them and the group was as excited to receive as I had been to give. At the conclusion of the class, they prayed for me. I was leaving that afternoon for some more leader training at Precept Ministries.

Once I got to the training and began to settle into my class, we had lessons and we had homework. We had discussion of our lessons and application was/is a key point to leading a fruitful discussion. So, as we were listening and sharing, one student raised her hand with a point of application. Her point related to the lesson. Sadly, I cannot tell you what the Bible passage was we were discussing. I CAN tell you, however, her application point because I got so convicted I was afraid I would have to leave and come home and confiscate the cds I had just given out as a gift. I think that's the reason I forgot the passage we were discussing in that moment.

My new friend's point was that we in the church are robbing musicians in ministry (or not) by taking copies of their songs and burning them to cds to distribute to one or two (or 90, in my case). She didn't even comment on what I thought was "bad". Nope. She didn't say, "taking them, burning them, and selling them." She just commented on the simple and "innocent" practice of burning selections and passing them along as robbing the artists of their livelihood. Ouch. I was guilty of doing that very thing.

Upon returning to Bible study the next week, I shared with the group the whole conversation and my conviction. I proceeded to tell them I thought they should probably return them to me, but that I wasn't going to force them. No one returned their copy. They had grown attached to them in the week's time and were learning many of the names via music they had been studying. It was a learning tool and a tool of ministry and worship to them.

What a quandary. I let it go. Lesson learned. I haven't done it since. I think about it, though.

So, one who still listens to it and is still in Bible study brought it up last week and the class, most of whom had never heard of the strawberry cd much less received one of their own, decided they would like a copy. Rather than do something I have been convicted is not good, I promised instead, to put the list on the blog and they could access the songs, buy them, and download them to iTunes to burn on their own.

Here's the list from February 2005's Lord, I Want to Know You cd:
1. It is Good - Alicia Williamson
2. Show Me Your Ways - Alicia Williamson
3. Holy is Your Name - Bebo Norman with Caedmon's Call
4. He's Been Faithful - the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir
5. God is in Control - Twila Paris
6. Holy is the Lord - Andrew Peterson
7. El Shaddai - Amy Grant
8. Mighty is the Name of the Lord - Sandi Patty
9. Redeemer - Nicole C. Mullen
10. I Long for You - Jonathan and Lisa Moore
11. More Than Enough - the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir
12. You Are My Refuge - Cheri Kaeggy
13. Blessed Be the Name of the Lord - Don Moen
14. Wonderful, Merciful Savior - Susan Ashton
15. He Knows My Name - Tommy Walker
16. All That Matters is Knowing You - Jonathan and Lisa Moore
17. The Majesty and Glory of Your Name - Sandi Patty

I have repented of my cd burning fax paus. I pray none on this list come after me to pay them for their songs I used in burning these cds. I pray the Feds will not take me to jail. I pray I haven't made a mistake putting this out there on the world-wide web.

Here's the last remaining copy. I use it for my own use. I will not give this one away. I will not make a copy. I have ducked out of the way so my image is not shown...just in case I'm on the Most Wanted list...

As an aside, this cd got the nickname, "The Strawberry CD," thanks to a friend who has two cute little boys. When she brought home this cd five years ago, one of the sons commented about the "strawberry" on it. He, for the longest time, wanted his mom to play the strawberry cd every night as part of his bedtime ritual. I checked with her just the other day to find out if it's still part of the nighttime ritual and she assures me it is.

I ask you, what kind of person would I be to go to this child's home and insist his mother give me back the cd that helps little children get ready for bed and dream sweet dreams!?

It goes to show you that God can take something I stupidly did and still use it as was originally intended, for His glory!

"Fresh"

2010-04-27T04:00:00.002-04:00

My friend was out in her yard yesterday. God laid me on her heart. A word kept coming into her thoughts and she took it as a word from God for me. The word?

FRESH

I like that word. I like its application for me these days. I was part of an effort to bring a prayer conference to our community several years ago. As we prayed for it in the beginning phase, we had gathered in my home. Windows were open in the spring. We prayed that God would bring a fresh wind into our community through this prayer conference. The wind blew in just that moment of uttering those words. I got Holy Spirit goose bumps! We called the conference, "Fresh Wind," as a result of that day's breeze blowing in during our prayer time.

I'm all about "fresh".

The fact that The Fresh Market is coming to our city has me salivating like Pavlov's dog. When I drove by to see their progress the other day, I seriously contemplated taking my picture with the construction crew. I was excited about their progress! Too, we were all in hats...their hats were more practical for their work. Mine was more pretty for running errands. But I digress. I like fresh sheets, fresh bread, fresh vegetables, fresh coffee, fresh air, a fresh perspective, and a fresh word from the Word. The latter beats all the former hands down any day, though!

The day my friend shared this word came after a week of some interesting conversations for me. People mean well but sometimes the words said are just stale and lifeless in a situation. Fresh words for me offer life and hope. Stale words are just not thought through before pronounced. Many times, stale words impart hopelessness, doubt, and despair into a person.

So, I made sure to offer my friend some fresh words of encouragement for being outside and talking with God about me.

She was useful on a Monday to speak fresh words of hope and life. It made the first day of the week not so bad. It was a fresh start, a new beginning.

It made me stop and think about the number of times I have said lifeless words ignorantly to someone. I don't think we realize we are being this way most of the time. We just spew out whatever comes to mind without weighing how are words could be received by someone. We do it innocently, true, many times. I know I need to consult God on this. I need to get His word on this subject. It's a steadfast word yet it's still fresh.

What does God say about our words? See Proverbs 15:28 from the New Living Translation. See my emphasis.

"The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words."

How am I to live in light of this?

1. Forgive the ones who spoke intentionally or ignorantly. Don't take it so personally. Move on.

2. Really think before I speak. Sometimes in my haste to take part in a conversation, I am wasting words that mean absolutely nothing to the hearer, or I speak words that may be harmful to them because I may be so interested in my own agenda to say something that I am not considering the context of the conversation or the circumstances of the person's life.

Fresh. That's a good word. Let's be about speaking things that are fresh. Let's be about imparting life and hope. Let's think before we speak. That's a fresh thought!

Three Days, Eight Days, the End of August...One Day...

2010-04-26T09:45:00.001-04:00

When I was a child, I used to "wish my life away". That's what my mother called my habit of looking forward to "the one days". You know them, I bet.

"One day, I'm going to get married."

"One day, I'm going to be a mommy."

"When will I get to go to church youth stuff?! One day I'm going!"

"When I'm a wife/mommy, I'm going to ____________ one day." (Fill in the blank.)

"I can't wait until I am 13/16/18/22 years old..."

"I can't wait to go to college!"

Many times, those statements of looking forward to things to come were focused on the next day or the next week. They weren't rallying around time months and years down the road. Often, they reflected my heart's dread or frustration over something.

"Boy, I'll be glad when tomorrow's math test is over."

"I'll be so glad when I don't have to write any more papers for a grade."

"I wish I was done with college!" (How odd. I remember looking forward to it. Hmmmm.)

For some reason, I picture my mother standing over the sink scraping carrots when I have said these things in a "Walton-esque" moment, and she responds with, "Amy, stop wishing your life away. Soon enough, all these things will end or arrive and you'll be sad." I said them while she was sewing numerous dresses, too. She wasn't always over the kitchen sink.

Well, now I'm the mom and my boys are "wishing their lives away".

"Three more days and I'm home from UGA for the summer! " - Robert

"I cannot wait to marry Sigourney!" - Robert

"Eight more days and I'm done with my school career. Then I graduate in just a few more days after that!" - David

"This time next year, I'll be packing up after my first year at Auburn!" - David

I see now what my mother said regarding wishing my life away. How quickly all those "one days" came and went. In the blink of an eye I went to church youth, dated, went to college, got married, had children who are now men! Stop the world, I want to get off...to catch my breath.

Still oddly, even after seeing what she meant, it seems as if I haven't outgrown this habit. Furthermore, I have successfully passed it on to my offspring. Lately, I've found myself saying (in my head and now in print), "At the end of August, I'll be done with chemo!"

While I don't despise the course I'm on, I am looking forward to days of no more need for chemo. I appreciate being able to take the meds and also am grateful for my body's handling of it thus far. In the meantime, when I look forward to those days, I am inadvertently wishing everyone else in my circle a quick summer so mine can be quick, too. I forget that surgery will follow chemo and then days and weeks of radiation will follow that. I have a feeling I'll be wishing for the weekly dose of chemo rather than the daily minutes of radiation.

How ironic, I think. Can I never be satisfied with this moment right now without wandering away to wonder about tomorrow? I guess that's human nature.

Anybody else do this?

What does God say?

"A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps." - Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)

God, help me to be grateful to You for the moment in which You have placed me. You know that I am often looking forward to moments to come rather than enjoying the moments I am in presently. I pray I would not take any of them for granted, but be appreciative, instead, to You for Your sovereignty over all of time and all things that play out in my life. I want to be attentive to the paths You call me to walk. Even though I may make plans for the future, I desire to be in Your will. I pray my heart lines up with Your steps. Make it so, Lord. Make it so. Amen.

A Poetic Experience at JBACC

2010-04-23T04:00:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I had chemo 5. All went well for me. My white blood cells were low but higher still than last week. Thank You, God! Other blood counts were high and good. 'Thankful' is my word of choice these days. My prayer is that if things were worse for me, I would still have thankfulness to God at the core of my being and expressing from my lips.

While there, the precious soul next to me was struggling. I was moved to pray for her in my head as she was submitting to all help in her weak state. It moved me to whip out my new Moleskine journal that I have begun using to journal the journey. Lyrics to a song had erupted into my mind while riding to church Sunday. So, I wrote those too. They need tweaking a bit. My poetry is a bit rusty. Here goes the one regarding the lady next to me.

The Survivor Next to Me

Wheeled in bent and slumped,
her lifeless form defies the pall.
Simple needs met keep her afloat
as she drifts in and out among us all.

She's been fighting the fight some 17 years,
a defiance of a 6-month prognosis.
God's purposes for her last longer
than a doctor's terminal diagnosis.

Nurses and staff come to her side
shedding tears of mercy and sorrow.
Her Lord knows her time of departure from here
so she rests today for another tomorrow.

Submitting to treatment, this survivor watches
others within her sight,
amazed by the miracle of bad medicine's good worth
to do God's battle in the survivor's fight.

Who Is That Woman In the Chic Chapeau?

2010-04-22T04:00:00.001-04:00

Today's post is filled with recent tales of life in a hat.

I am incognito to most people. If I didn't open my mouth, most people would wonder how they know this flitting bird wearing hats on her head swooping through grocery aisles to fill the fridge in her nest.

They look. I nod.

They smile. I smile back.

They do a double take. They ponder in a nano-second, "Who IS that under that hat brim smiling back at me?"

I could just end it at that, but I know they'll eventually figure it out by the time they get to the cash register at Publix or Target, or to their table at Panera. In so doing, they'll realize that I knew all along who they were but chose to not speak to them. How rude!

So, I end their capped conundrum and speak. The voice of someone is a sure giveaway as to their identity, most times.

The mystery is solved. They are relieved to know who I am and that they are not crazy.

I tell you this because I have come to realize that we humans do indeed rely on someone's locks as a serious point of recognition. [Side note: Our oldest dachshund was such a creature. Once, I made the mistake of "going back to my natural color" in one appointment. Upon arriving home, she growled at me to the point I was afraid she would lurch and bite. I had to speak to help her realize I was her favorite person in the whole wide world.] Without their hair, we just aren't sure who people are when we have grown accustomed to them sporting sprouts from their heads. Even those who are always sprout-less (aka bald) are recognizable to us. (Insert shout out here to Robert's roommate's dad, Marty).

But, when we abruptly change our appearance, toss in a lack of being seen by some for awhile, then throw in a sighting...well, it can be unnerving to the poor soul who should recognize the one under the brim, but is at a loss. Throw in my penchant for wanted to change my hat style and color from day to day, and boy, that is a sure recipe for confusion for the sight-er viewing the sight-ee (me).

Recently, I met a friend at Panera. It was my first day in Columbus with a hat. I noticed a dad of one of David's friends and I spoke to him. He looked confused. I had called him by name, after all, and he knew not who I was. He could not figure it out. He stood in the middle of the restaurant as if he had forgotten what he was supposed to do next. Because he was the first to see me and not recognize me, I was not really paying attention to why he paused so long. Now I know. Now I will be more helpful. He waited for me to be doctoring my green tea (remember coffee is just not tasting that good right now) so he could approach my friend and ask her if I was with her, and if so, what was my name. He was stumped to figure it out. She told me all this later and said that she was a bit anxious about giving away my personal info to a stranger. She didn't know him. She didn't know I knew him. She pondered if he was "interested" and felt the need to protect my marriage and my heart. He, on the other hand, just needed to find out who the mysterious woman in the hat was who obviously knew him. He came back and spoke and said he was so sorry about my cancer. He was so kind.

It was a scene from a comedy. I got so tickled in her retelling from her point of view, that I almost washed her in green tea spittle.

Some who do know I'm donning a different daily hat each week are still taken aback when I run into them.

So, I've decided that as news of my adopted fashion statement reaches fresh ears, more will be aware of the hats and in an effort to surprise everyone, I may just have to branch out into more "Delilahs" although I have a feeling that with the heat of summer coming, that would not be such a wonderful idea. I'd hate to yank the thing off at a red light in hopes of cooling off. Why, that could lead to a whole other post with tales of shocked expressions, my own included.

Points to Ponder From Isaiah

2010-04-21T04:00:00.006-04:00

As the Isaiah, Part 1 study begins to wind down for the summer (yes, it's almost summer on my calendar as Robert comes home from college April 29 and David graduates May 16), I am growing a bit sad. That's typical for me. The weekly accountability, good discussions, and rich application shared will take a break.

This week we have been camping out in Isaiah 33-35. As is typical of Isaiah's writing style we have seen things to come regarding the Millennial Kingdom and we've read Isaiah's words to his people of his day as the Assyrians were approaching Judah and posing threats to their lives. We've gone back and forth in the timeline of events.

Throughout all of his writing, Isaiah has not failed to "represent" the applicable words for them then and us today regarding sound living in tough times. Read them here:

from 33:2 - "O LORD, be gracious to us; we have waited for You. Be their (our) strength every morning, our salvation also in the time of distress."
from 33:6 - "And He will be the stability of your times, a wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is his treasure."
from 33:15-16 come a grand description of those who are righteous in response to a question from the unrighteous. Look here for those verses.
from 34:16 is a verse so fitting to being in the Word as a habit of life - "Seek from the book of the LORD, and read..."
from 35:3-4 read, "Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble. Say to those with anxious heart, 'Take courage, fear not. Behold, your God will come with vengeance; the recompense of God will come, but He will save you.' "

How are you when it comes to waiting on God? Do you quickly give up? Do you know that you can trust Him to show up in His time? Is your strength in a solution or in the solution-provider, God?

During tough times, where is your stability? Is your foundation in God, the solid Rock? If not, you will crumble. Do you fear, revere, believe Him and take Him at His word?

Where do you fall in that description of the righteous?

How is your habit of reading and soaking up the Word of God? Is it a drag or is it a delight? How do you respond to truths therein that may convict you to change a sin habit in your life? Do you ignore it or do you revere it, repent, and move on in the direction of righteousness?

How is your encouragement quotient to those around you? Are you dragging them down with dialogue of doom and depression or do you impart life and hope in their trials as you speak of God's goodness? Do you point them to the God of hope or to the god of hopelessness?

Just some more food for thought as we dine on solid nourishment from God's Word.

Comfort Food From the Word

2010-04-20T04:00:00.000-04:00

"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" (Psalm 119:103, NIV)

I have a friend who sends me a daily word from the Word, some "rhema" from the "logos", some specific Scriptures from among all of them, to encourage my soul.

I have dubbed these daily doses of God's Word as "Comfort Food from the Word", for what they contain nourishes my soul in a way that the best lemon squares or doctored up brownies mixed from the box cannot do. Let me tell you that is a TALL ORDER to receive such satisfaction from the sweetest morsels of God's Book.

How do you view specific words from the Word that fit your circumstances? When you come across them do you exclaim, "Oh my GOODNESS! Would you look at how fitting that is to my life in this moment?!" Do you get more excited about it than happening upon the perfect card at Hallmark? Dare I ask if it's better than the Scream Machine at Six Flags? Okay, that may not have been the best comparison unless you are under the age of 19.

Well, when I think about God's Word, I can't help but remind myself of what this writer of Psalm 119 said about the Word (precepts, instructions, laws, decrees of God) in relationship to him.

It would behoove you to go on and click on that link back there and take some time today to read it. While you're about it, jot down your own list of qualities about the Word that you see in this Psalm. Note how the author revered it. Note the benefits It had on the writer of this Psalm.

Then, when you're done with that, ask yourself how you handle the Word. How do you view it? What response do you afford it? Do you mention to God your attitude towards His Word in your own life?

Well, that's lots of "food" for thought, huh? Did you know this is the longest Psalm, even the longest chapter in the Bible? Unlike some of my other posts of late, this post is not my longest. I knew you'd want to spend time in the Word! Right?